To the boy who ruined my outlook on love,

You ruined me. Whenever a new boy comes my way, I push him away because I am afraid I'll get hurt again...because of you. Almost every night for the past 7 months, I have cried myself to sleep...because of you. Not a day goes by where I don't try to come up with a reason you did it. Every d*** day I ask myself why I wasn't good enough...because of you. I will never understand why you cheated on me. I will never understand what those girls had that I don't The whole situation will never make sense to me.

It's crazy how wrong you can be about a person. For so long, I thought I'd never find someone. That is, until I met you. We were just acquaintances at first but once I heard you were interested in me, I started to gain just a bit of hope. Something about you seemed different than all the other boys. I felt comfortable around you (maybe a little to comfortable). You gave me a sense of security, so I let you in. I trusted you with secrets I didn't tell my closest friends. I got butterflies every time I saw you. I could see things between us going somewhere, very far. At least, I thought I did.

Two weeks before my birthday, I got the text. Those butterflies turned into what felt like someone stabbing me in the chest. Over and over and over again.The worst part was, you didn't even have the audacity to tell me yourself. Instead, you were distant that day. You didn't say much until I called you in tears, screaming at you, asking for the truth. The only thing you could say was "I'm sorry". I spent the whole day crying.

A few hours went by and I finally calmed down. That was until you called me on your break to "talk about things" and I had to interrogate you until you finally told me about the other girl. As if one girl wasn't bad enough, you had to throw a second one in there.

We met up later that night and talked about it. Our 'talk' merely consisted of me crying and asking why you did it. You had no explanation. No reason. You cried and begged me not to break up with you. You said you'd never do it again, that you 'loved me so much' and that it didn't mean anything. Me being indenial, I thought I could believe you and until this very day, I regret that decision.

A week later, we broke up. It has been 7 months and I still can't understand why. Why would someone claim to love a person but put them through something so horrible. Being cheated on changes a person forever.One stupid, careless decision can destroy someone.

Because of you, I am afraid to let my guard down ever again because I don't want to be hurt. Because of you, i will forever have trust issues. Because of you, I will question anyone that says "I love you". You are the reason I will question every person that says they care about me.

You are the reason I am afraid to love again.

So I hope you're happy. You decided to think with your d*** instead of your head. They've always said "Don't lose the girl of your life for the hoe of the night." Instead, you chose two hoes over a girl who was willing to give you everything. So, I hope you're happy.

Sincerely,

The girl who may never love again