I've never been one to be big about birthdays. I mean, they come every year. And after about 19 years, "Happy Birthday!" loses all sentimental value and is just a phrase you. Some people mean it but for most of them it's custom. What you're suppose say like "Thank you" after someone gives you something even if you aren't thankful you got it.

But I kind of always want my birthday to be special. At least a cake and dinner with my parents. Other than that everyone can text and Facebook and call and shout their "Happy Birthday"s to me all they want. I, generally, am happy that the few people I'm close to give me a two sentence message with a "Happy Birthday" attached. It's honestly all I've ever needed.

No, not this year. This year I wanted to just bury myself in a hole ignore the whole thing and come out when the day was over. Why?

Because Mom was out of country.

She had told me the week before, and when I had found out my own mother was leaving country for my birthday, for the first time ever.  I felt my heart drop and shatter. She was going to miss it. She never missed them. She always brought the cupcakes and made sure to tell me "Happy Birthday. I love you." Before she'd go to work that day. Even if it meant waking me up. And she was going to miss it.

I'm selfish. I know she has to work. She's the only one that does, consistently, and she had to keep our house running so we can live the comfortable life we do.

But it hurt like somebody pushed you off a wall and you landed and on nice, cold cement.

And my Mom was the one who pushed me. She just didn't know it.

My day started off with a "Happy Birthday" from one of my best friends. I smiled. I was happy he kept our tradition of texting each other at midnight to tell the other "Happy Birthday". Or my cousin, who was in Taiwan, just simply posted on Facebook the day before. Like I said, that was really all I needed.

Though, I came downstairs, expecting a "Hey! G'Morning! Happy Birthday!!", and it was silent. My Dad simply sat there watching his morning news and then he left for a walk. Not a word.

It was another day, to him.

My boyfriend sent me a text telling me "Happy Birthday" and gave me big virtual kisses.

I replied with a smile and made French Toast and Eggs for myself.

Just another day.

Finally, my Dad came in.

"Oh! It's your Birthday today, isn't it?" He said in a happy-go-lucky tone.

"Yeah." I replied. I guess, this year, I just wasn't feeling the whole Birthday thing.

"Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks!"

"Hey what're you doing today?"

I felt a ping of hope. Had he planned something? Even though Mom wasn't here, did he actually plan something?

"Just going to up to the school to have lunch with my boyfriend. Then, one of my friends wants to do something later, why?"

"Oh, I was thinking, we should go on a motorcycle ride and get coffee or something. But we'll do it tomorrow!" And he was off again doing his routine.

I felt awful because I couldn't go on the bike ride but, as my Dad had said to do, I continued with my plans.

I went to lunch where I got greeted with "Happy Birthday" and hugs, which I love, and my boyfriend gave me extra apples. Which I was grateful for, I love apples! Though, still, all I wanted to do was curl up into him and just disappear. And I didn't know why. He didn't make a big deal because I had pleaded for him not to. Him and I were celebrating my birthday over the weekend anyways. So no need to.

But I really just wasn't feeling this Birthday.

I even, told him, "Happy Birthday!" as he walked away to his next class. He thought it was cute and funny but it just made me feel more exhausted than I already did.

More Birthday Texts and Posts I happily replied to.

When I got home, I called a friend and left as soon as I had arrived. She didn't know it was my Birthday. But her Mom and Older Sister had bought Pizza and the four of us had a celebration with Pizza and Netflix.

Though, at this point I was just numb trying to get through my day. It wasn't bad and I should have been grateful they did this. They could've just left it at, "OH! It's your Birthday? Happy Birthday!" But I had already hit my concrete.

I left and went to a Best Friend's House. She had talked me into letting her throw a small celebration for me for my Birthday. Just me and her and a cake and probably a movie or two.

Though, when I arrived the door was locked. The door, was never locked, if she knew I was coming. Even if the front door was locked she'd tell me the back door was open. So I knocked.

She opened the door and no "Happy Birthday!". Just a, "Hi!"

I looked at her. How could she not tell me "Happy Birthday"? She'd been fussing about it for weeks!!!

Though I greeted her and walked into the kitchen to find only a single friend sitting at the dinner table and I screamed his name with joy. I was so happy to see him there! It was two of my closest friends eating a home cooked dinner with me!

"Happy Birthday!" He said as he hugged me.

Yet, she still just stood back and smiled. Why hasn't she said anything?

And I finally I saw it.

A vegan cake, because I can't have diary, and three candles lit in the center. With flowers, a card, and a gift. Just waiting for me.

I stared in utter shocked. It was like someone had just helped me up from my concrete ground that I'd been pushed into. And told me, "it's okay. I'm here now."

All I could manage was just to stare and cry.

"Thank you," I said as I hugged my friend and cried into her hair.

"Happy Birthday," she muffled back.