Fears, we all have one. We all have that one little thing that is hidden at the back of our minds and comes out when it is least expected, ready to terrify us with its solely presence. Mine was a pretty common one, it haunted me everywhere I went through most of my childhood. Luckily, I was given the opportunity to overcome it a few months later after I turned eight years old.
Heights. I remember going to the park at least once a week since I was four. I watched the children slipping down the slides while I was swaying back and forth on the swing. However, every time I tried to go down on a slide, my whole body would be trembling, my hands would be sweaty and I would sit on top of it for at least ten minutes until I would finally decide that I couldn’t do it. My father would always tell me “Si te caes, yo te atrapo.” But when I decided to glide down the slide at my school, nobody was there to catch me when I fell. I think that is when my fear started. I was afraid that if I slid one more time, I would fall again, and my father wouldn’t be there to catch me that time either.
Since I was six, my grandparents would always take me and my cousin, Nicole, to their country house -the most beautiful country house, if I may add- for the weekend. Every Saturday and Sunday evening, my cousin climbed to the top of the trees to observe the glorious sunset. I would try to do the same but I always failed, of course. The way she described the last sun rays brushing the mountains would only pushed me to try harder each time but my fear of heights would suppress my attempts to success. That, plus the countless amount of times I fell from the branches, had me completely horrified.
I always knew deep inside that I feared heights, but I didn’t admit it until I was much older. The situation didn’t get any better when my uncle decided to take Nicole and I to Disneyland. I was eight at the moment; I was excited about meeting Mickey and Minnie Mouse, all the Disney princesses and even Woody from Toy Story. But my cousin was about to turn fifteen and she wanted to ride all the roller coasters… with me.

“You should give it a try,” said my uncle encouragingly while he sat next to me on the bench I had luckily spotted, after I ran away from the massive red roller coaster my cousin was willing to ride with me. I knew he was expecting such a cowardly behavior from me and I wasn’t surprised when he started the speech he surely had already prepared, anticipating this moment. “You will never know if you’ll like it or not until you try it,” he repeated for the thousandth time in his whole life; that was for sure his signature phrase. “I really don’t want to do it, can’t we just go somewhere else?” I pleaded, looking through the crowd, listening the loud screams from the people who were trapped in those cars, descending at full speed, with nowhere to go. I was totally lost in my thoughts, analysing every single moment of a ride in a roller coaster. Wondering about how falling from such a great height felt like, what was the view like, would I like it? Or hate it? Was I really considering doing it?
I was so curious about such a simple matter. Those thoughts kept wandering around my mind, making me doubt more about overcoming my fear or not. I could still listen my uncle’s voice but it had become a background noise. I felt the minutes passing by and I knew he was going to take his time to make his point clear. I nodded here and there, just for him to continue. “Remember the time when the last thing you would do was eat sushi, you totally hated it,” he said, catching my attention with the word sushi. “Well, know we both know that you can’t stand a whole month without having at least one roll” My lips curved into a smile, I do remember those times. I was completely disgusted by it, but as soon as I was forced to eat half of a roll, my dad had to order another one of those plastic trays full of the salty Japanese delicacies only for me. ”It’s the same thing, sort of” he continued. I stared at the ground; I knew he was right. I’ve been in the same position several times before. I always ended up loving what I once hated and feared with all my heart.
I stood up but my uncle stayed seated. “I’ll wait for you guys here” he smiled “Only don’t forget to keep your eyes open” How could I? I simply nodded and headed to the roller coaster where my cousin was impatiently waiting for me. She extended her hand for me to grab it and pulled me to the end of the line without saying a word.
It seemed that we waited forever, and with every minute that passed, I regretted having accepted to ride the massive coaster that was standing right in front of me. As the line kept advancing, I could hearken better the loud screams and recognize the screech that the tiers of the roller coaster produced each time they bumped against metal rails whenever it swerved at high speed. The kind of noise that was definitely not relaxing when I was about to have a panic attack.
The long awaited had finally arrived, and I must admit that I was not in my best condition. First of all, the nerves were eating me alive,you could tell by how I kept tapping my foot against the floor, by how I kept rolling up and down my sweater’s sleeves and by how I kept desperately biting my bottom lip. Second of all, before it was my turn to get on the roller coaster, 3 children around my age came out with horrified expressions plastered on their faces, like if they were about to cry. And lastly, we were first in line, we could choose our seats and I knew that my cousin wanted to sit in the first row. But before she could do anything, I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and dragged her to the middle section of the attraction. She chose the roller coaster, I chose the seats. Fair enough.
I felt how the small cars begun to rise. The process seemed endless, I predicted it would be a long and high, very high fall. I looked at my cousin and she couldn’t be happier. My cousins have always been the “risk-takers” and adventurous ones of the family, or as everyone else call them: locos. They always have amazing stories to tell, from all the adventures they’ve done throughout their lives. The time they did bungee jumping, the time they did parascending, the time that they jump from that waterfall and the time they hiked that mountain, were only a few of the experiences they’ve told me in every other lunch, when we are all to force to sit in the kids table.

And there was me, sitting on my first roller coaster. Starting to collect my own memories, joining the loco club. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach caused by the nerves and the intensity; instead, I concentrated on the landscape. It was about half past six and the sun began to set. The sky was painted in vivid reds and oranges and soft pastel yellow and pink colors. I immediately wondered if the sunset looked similar to the one that could be seen in my grandparents’ country house. How could I be missing such a beautiful view because of a pathetic fear?
"No cierres los ojos" was the last thing I heard Nicole say before the wind slammed into my face and my ears were filled with the screams of other people, including my cousin's and mine. They sounded like the ones you usually hear at the movies. Just when the serial killer appears from behind the curtain and attacks his victim. I was familiar with that kind of screams, full of fear but adrenaline as well. I didn’t like heights but I loved scary movies, that was something I could relate with my cousin way before the Disneyland trip happened. We would prepare popcorn, buy some candy and even ice cream before we headed to my parents’ room to watch the movie. I would try my best to not close my eyes, she taught me there was no point on watching a scary movie if I was going to miss every scary part.
But as the roller coaster was descending I got too scared and disobeying her and my uncle's order, I instantly shut my eyes, hoping the ride would be over soon; praying that I didn’t die because of a heart attack. I felt more butterflies were being released in my stomach but this time they were not caused by the nerves. They were...they were sort of ticklish. I was no longer suffering, I was enjoying the fall. And my screams soon turned into laughter. I felt how the roller coaster was abruptly turning in all directions and that's when I decided to open my eyes. But I couldn’t see anything, everything was just a big blur caused by the speed of the roller coaster. And I was surprised to find that I liked the way I got so dizzy.I liked the way that every time the coaster turned I felt more of those ticklish butterflies and I liked the way that the wind made my hair fly in all directions, tangling it. I liked the roller coaster.
Suddenly, the cars stopped abruptly causing me to hit my head against the back of the seat but I was too happy to even worry about the slight pain I felt. Quickly, we got off the roller coaster, I still had a smile plastered on my face. Once out of the attraction my cousin asked me the question:
“ ¿Y?"
I did not answer, instead I just looked at her and I knew she understood my message since her lips turned into a smile. I was sure my eyes said,
"Can we ride it again?"