Dear Bullies

Are you fully aware of the damage you have caused me? The pain I went through every single day? Are you subconsciously wishing to be me? IS the reason you made my life hell- Targeted me because you were Jealous… I thought I would never escape. You tore apart my soul- made me want to no longer live. You drove me to the extremes to help me survive- drove me to tearing my skin with whatever I could get my hands on- making myself bleed to project the pain- the unbearable emotional pain onto my skin- into something I could deal with. You made me feel worthless- the way you taunted me and the way you called me names. The way you would spread horrible rumours around. You drove to a point I thought I could never return from. You drove me to try end my own life.

I am constantly trying to understand why? Why me? What did I ever do to you? I just wanted to scream out every day. But still I went to school- despite it all I put my education first. Besides I couldn’t let you see you was winning. But you drove me to the edge- again and again and again. It just took one rumour- one stupid rumour sent around by a stupid girl to make me want to give it all up. To make me feel like I could no longer cope. To make me feel like overdosing was a good idea. A stupid rumour that led to too many tears and heartbreak.

At one point I would cover it up and pretend it didn’t bother me- I would laugh with everyone acting like I was in on the joke. But I wasn’t- I was on the sidelines watching in- watching and wishing it would all just stop. I was told millions of ways to deal with people like you- you know the ones. The ones who have to find someone to put down each day and the criticise till they are a shadow of themselves. You called me a slag yet I was a virgin. You told me I was ugly and that nobody loved me. I believed you. I believed I wasn’t wanted in the world- not by anyone.Many nights my pillow would be soaked with tears and blood. You told me I was fat yet I hardly ate anything because I was so low the thought of food made me feel sick. If I had of eaten any less it would of ended with another trip to hospital for malnutrition.

You were slowly killing my spirit and in turn- killing me. I was depressed and alone- thinking I had nobody.

I’m done trying to be brave- pretending none of this ever happened. You made me feel worthless- empty- fat- alone- tired- depressed- fed up- ugly and dumb. Been brave became too hard.

What you did to me broke me beyond repair.

Yours sincerly

Another Broken Girl