I am not really knowing what I want from posting this. I don't want it to become popular because I don't want him to find it for any reason. I don't want no one to look at it. Please, be sympathetic please. If you ever had a crush that was way out of hand, you will understand mine :) Thank you! Chapter 1: Orange Crushing Jacob... Jacob Johnson.
I have a crush on him. I have a huge crush on him. it’s as large as the ocean’s pregnant belly.
I have no clue why I like him. He is not attractive in the most logical sense, muscular, tall, deep tan, perfect skin, hair, teeth, etc. I think I like him because of his personality. Or something like that.
It’s such a bad crush. Just typing his name I smile. Jake. I just smiled Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake. I work with Jake. I worked with him for a two years, one without ever really noticed him. He was nerdy to me, I hung out with the popular kids at work. By the way, I work at grocery store.
He has curly hair. He has red-tinted skin, not much, but he’s obviously a white kid. He has a weird color hair, I can’t quite place it as blonde or brown, more of a blonde, I guess. He has a younger brother, Blake. Blake is quite chubby and he was my buddy at work because I always like the awkward kids. I don’t know why. I actually talked to Jake the first few times because Blake followed him around, and I got to really thinking they were funny, and I would hang out with them when no one else was there to keep my company during my boring shifts as a fifteen year old. Jake was 16 at the time, worked much longer shifts. His brother was fourteen. His brother kind of looks like him, he has brown hair though.
I can place Blake’s easily.
I think he has blue eyes. Jake, I mean. He’s not muscular. He’s not anything spectacular. He had a girlfriend when I talked to him, but he never mentioned her. I actually tried hooking him up with my friend that went to his school, but they never met. The school has 6,000 plus kids at it. It’s a religious school. I asked him about it once before I actually cared about him, tried to make small talk. Asked him what it was like, if he actually liked it. If he liked being religious. (I know, okay, I was bored.) He wasn’t much, didn’t really care about being so, by the way. I was/am agnostic so that sort of interested me. Wanted to change him to the dark side(joking, ha. Ha.)….
I don’t know where to start, between then and now things have changed. Things feel more serious to me. I matured over the last year ( I know, I’m not some 75 year old woman, I’m just a teenager but I feel I’ve aged dozens of years since then.) I think about college. I want to be a traveling nurse. I want to help people. Want to join Peace Corps, but seems too serious for me and also I don’t want to leave everything behind and start back over. I like to travel. Went to Europe. Jake never asked much about it. Now I don’t think I’m a stunner or anything, but I know when a guy checks me out or are interested, at least a bit. Most guys at work asked me. He didn’t. Maybe that’s what started to bother me? That he didn’t seem to care. His younger brother asked me.
Anyway. Jumping a few months after that, during the middle of summer. I began crushing a tiny bit on Jake. He began ignoring other girls at work and hung out with me. Began choosing to help me and talk to me than his guy friends. I didn’t know what that meant, nor did I care much at first. I hung out with lots of guys at work, I felt like they were my brothers. I began noticing him more. Looking at his smile when he laughed, actually heard him speak, his voice was nothing special either, not attractive or deep. Just his voice. I looked him up on facebook. He had a girlfriend.
I was sort of shocked, I guess. He was so nerdy and I thought he had been flirting with me? Why would you flirt when you dated somebody? I began getting jealous a bit and acting kind a rude to him. I told my best friend a bit about it, even the girl I tried setting him up with. He still put up with me, I don’t know if he noticed a difference in my attitude. He was sweet, funny, one time he stole from the store, it was during a time I was talking to him, making the store look better by stocking shelves. It just a pack of gum. He said it was for his brother. I highly doubt it, but he trusted me at least. I began thinking differently of him then. I began thinking he was dangerous in a small way, a corrupted religious boy. Stereotypical kind of deal.

I tried to distance myself from him, tried to shake off this tiny, baby crush on Jacob. It didn’t quite work, obviously. I once saw him take interest in this woman, she was about his height. I didn’t notice anything else, thought it might’ve been his mother.
I asked him, “Who was thattttt?????” With an implied winky-face, and he was like,
“my girlfriend,” and he smiled and laughed.
I felt my heart drop in my chest like a dead dove being shot from the air.
I think I said, “Oh, niceeee.” Not really though I got really jealous. I began hating her. I hated her whole being. I didn’t even meet her until Thursday.
Not this last Thursday, it was a Thursday night during the summer. I had finally become 16 between that time! I got to work with him all night. I became a bit better friends with him, but he switched departments instead so he couldn’t really talk to me unless a manager told him to go do my job with me and then we would talk. I was sort of sad because I enjoyed his company. That was another thing I was mad about.
Why did he change departments instead of spending time with me? Anyways, I went over to joke with him, and I raised my voice a small amount to get it over to his area and said “Hey, Jake!” I smiled and I didn’t realize he was in a conversation with someone until she turned her head. It was her. I quickly said “Oh, never mind.”
And I walked away. She gave me a longer stare, not a particularly nice one, but not exactly a death glare. That was the first and last time I ever saw Anna. She wasn’t a dazzler at all, geeky, like she would be. I thought for some reason she would be a knock out.
I worked that Saturday day, and realized Jacob was not working, though he was scheduled. I didn’t bring it up. I was really bored, and half way through the night I began talking with a girl neither Jake or I cared for at all, she consistently flirted with him and she was, pardon me, but trashy. He would pretend he was deep in conversation with me to avoid her asking to go out. No one cared for her, not surprisingly, she quit a few months after being treated horribly by everyone. She told me, “Isn’t it sad about Jake?”
And I said “what about him?”
And she said, “didn’t you hear?”
And I said, “No…”
“His girlfriend got in a car accident last night. She is dead…” I was in shock. It was a weird mixture of feelings, like a witch’s potion of hate and love mixed together.
“Oh my god.”
That was my first reaction, the first thing I said. It fit the situation. I felt a small amount of glee, crushed down by my sadness for such a young life being lost, and my sadness for him. I wanted her to be alive for him! He loved her and I wanted him to be okay! I felt so, so, so, so, so, so guilty for my uncontrollable feeling towards her death. I didn’t want to feel happy.
To make up for my guilty feelings about my happy feelings, I tried to make myself become isolated from him. I swore not to hit on him at all that night. I decided for a full year. Because that’s how long it would take, at least, to get over someone, I thought.
I was so frightened to talk to him again, I didn’t even mention her death to him!!!!!!! I didn’t apologize. I didn’t mean to seem harsh, I wanted to go up and hug him and tell him it would be okay, I wanted to comfort him and hold him and let him cry on my shoulder and give part of me to him and take some of his pain away through his tears.
He didn’t work for two weeks, two unbearable weeks. When he finally did come back, I was so scared to speak, along with everyone else the first night, the usual chatter before clocking in was dead. Silent. Finally one boy walked forward from our circle of coworkers and gave him a bro-hug. “Sorry, man. You need anything, I’m here for ya.”
Jake quietly said thanks and gave him a smile. I didn’t want to talk to Jake because I am awkward and didn’t know what to say. Teenagers don’t deal with this stuff! That’s adult stuff! I usually CRAVED his presence, but that night I was wary, I didn’t want to go on break with him, I made no eye contact.
Of course, the one time I didn’t want to talk, he came back on break while I was eating. He brought back these two boxes of apple pie. I remember him looking sort of drained. He seemed sad. We didn’t speak much, another boy tried to lighten the mood and talk to him. I asked him why he didn’t eat. He said they must of changed how they made the pies.
They didn’t.
He took one bite. I think I noticed him looking a little thinner, but I can’t quite remember. It was awkward for me, and I’m sure it was for him, as well.
I left break a little earlier than I usually did, that night. I again swore to myself not to hit on him or flirt again. To be there for him. I made a small, string bracelet and braided it onto my right wrist, symbolizing to myself my pact and in memory of his girlfriend that passed. I wanted to honor her somehow. I have never told anybody this. As I write, the bracelet reflects the laptop’s light.
Well, if you couldn’t tell, I’m still confused about Jake. Two months after his girlfriend’s death, he dated. I was so angry. I didn’t know her but I became enraged. How dare he? I made a pact? He should have made one, too! Wasn’t it some common sense law to wait a while?! Aren’t you supposed to be in mourning? They dated for two years. I was mad at him for disrespecting her. I tried convincing myself out of liking him because he would do the same to me, and I would’ve wanted my boyfriend to wait awhile, because that meant you were meaningful to them. My next thought was, was he that desperate to get some?
I asked a friend that went to his church if he and his past girlfriend had done anything, assuming that he was missing the “romance.” She said they barely touched, that even in church she and him didn’t even sit together because she was strongly religious. So I’m confused about that. I’m confused why I like this boy. Much better looking ones want to hang out at work, and flirt with me. Even this popular kid I go to school with began flirting with me at work, and at school he actually says hi to me now, not that it really matters. I’m so confused, I feel like a litter of naughty kittens played with the yarn of my brain.
One day, just to test my theory of if he liked me, I came into work as a customer, I dressed in black leggings, high-heel ankle boots, and a soft, silky black shirt with a collar. I straightened my long blonde hair down my back, and walked in confident, but I felt like jelly. I walked over to his department and was pretending not to notice him walking up next to me, until he was really close. I looked over and he was checking me out. I’m not stupid I know when guys do that. (You boys are pretty obvious, no offense.) He joked around with me a bit and I feel like that was the first time he noticed me. Ever since, even tonight, I think we flirt.
I want to end this I want it to stop. He’s older than me, a senior now. Still dating that girl. I’m a junior. Still single and crushing over a boy I will probably never date. I began flirting with him again, despite my pact to myself and his past girlfriend. I don’t know how this little article or whatever comes off.
I don’t want to seem rude or seem like I am into myself, I really am not, sorry if I seem so. I am actually pretty quiet and awkward and that’s what makes me down to earth. I acknowledge myself for who I am and hope to become better. This was a writing prompt, but I assure you it is all a real story. Thank you. Chapter Notes: I like orange crush and seems an appropriate title. So yeah.