Why can’t I look beautiful? From a mere age of nine, I have battled with acne. For as long as I can recall, I have gone on various skin regiments to improve my condition. From topical treatments to pills, I tried it all and experienced terrible side effects such as peeling skin, sun sensitivity, and a plethora of rashes. It says something that people, including myself, risk all of these side effects just to get rid of zits on their face. Doxycycline, Minocycline, Bactrim, Retin-A, Aczone, and Differin are just some of the pharmaceutical drugs I tried but to no avail. Just two summers ago I finally went on the most extreme drug, Accutane, which is referred to as the “nuclear” option for acne. This really improved my problem with acne but I still get a spot here and there. We live in a society that thinks skin imperfections makes you ugly. I began thinking about how acne has affected me as a person. It causes major self-esteem issues, social changes, and increased responsibility. Sometimes I wish I could have been born with a flawless face. Would people like me more?


The first impact pimples have made on my life is that I lack self-esteem. Many people that suffer from acne suffer anxiety and depression, which leads people with acne prone skin to have increased unemployment rates, divorce rates, and suicide rates. Acne, especially on one’s face, makes it difficult to even make eye contact with people. I used to wear my hair down so people couldn’t see my bad skin. I was constantly embarrassed that people have to look at what is on my face. People—girls and boys—wear heavy makeup to cover-up their zits even though it ends up aggravating it more. I don’t have the confidence that people with clear faces have because I am so self-conscious and critical of my appearance still. It is sad to say that I never remember feeling beautiful. I know that teenagers, in particular, judge a book by its cover and I felt that they judged me by my pizza face. I even remember feeling worthless. I would pray to God that this medication would work and magically make me pretty. I never could give presentations at school, talk to teachers for help, or be outgoing. Isn’t it sad how much dots on your face can impact your confidence?


The lack of confidence with body image leads to social withdrawal. Typically people who suffer with acne become shy and introverted because either people make fun of their appearance or they are afraid that people will tease them. They limit themselves and hold themselves back from making new relationships because of fear of rejection. I remember avoiding my friends so I wouldn’t have to show my face. There have even been a couple times where I had to skip school or work because I had a really bad breakout. I wasn’t able to go to sleepovers or swim at friend’s pools because I knew the makeup would come off; Frankly, makeup was my security blanket around my peers. However, a positive impact on my social life is that I know my true friends. They don’t judge me and they stick with me through thick and thin. My friends raised my spirits when I didn’t feel very confident. Even though it was hard for me to form new relationships, it strengthened my existing ones.


The last effect acne has had on me is that it taught me responsibility. I was very diligent with my cleansing routine to prevent new breakouts. I have to wash my face two to three times a day to get rid of excess oil, even to this day. Previously, I applied a topical cream multiple times a day or took a pill at a certain time everyday. Also if I did forget to take a pill one day, then I would have to face the consequences of more breakouts the next day. Along with taking care of my skin, I have learned to be more timely and efficient. I am great at time management now, which is necessary to balance cross-country, AP classes, and chores at home. This has even helped me be pro-active with homework. I stay after with teachers more often now too because I get things taken care of before they spiral out of control.


All in all, even though acne causes body image issues and social problems, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? It has made me a better person. I am organized, diligent, and in turn don’t judge others on their appearance. I also have formed relationships that aren’t based on superficial reasons. Mentally, I am a stronger person for having breakouts and not letting it bother me now. I believe our society needs to become less critical of breakouts and be more accepting of it because almost all teenagers have to deal with acne. I learned one major life lesson from this experience: Everyone is beautiful in his or her unique way. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.