Okay so I have gone through quite a few things in my life that would count as a loss but one really sticks out. It’s the most recent and doesn’t involve any family member at all. And it’s not a breakup or death. It’s with one of my best friends, Lexi (as we will call her). Nobody here in Milford knows her as she goes to a different school district and is home schooled. I met her from a dog rescue we both go to. Her mom works there and so she and her little sister also ‘work’ there.

Okay, so to the gloomy part. We hadn’t talked for about a week. I would text her like every day with no response. I had gotten quite worried knowing she has severe depression. I was happy to find out she was alive but had tried to commit suicide.. again. That really hit me, she had been in the hospital that whole time. Including a mental hospital. It really hurts me to see these things happen. She knows just about everything there is to know about me. I’ve told her everything. And I mean everything. I’ve told her stuff that only she and maybe one other person knows, and she’s told me her many secrets too. I see Lexi as a sister. I get along great with her family. They’re funny people. I met her extended family as well one time.

It was the Saturday before Easter and we were at the dog rescue. Her little sister Mandie(as we will call her) was having her eighth birthday and begged me to come. “Mikalahhh! Please come! I’ll do anything! I will leave you and Lexi alone if you come!” she begged. She’s a doll. She is super adorable and funny too. I called my mom, begging, and she said yes! I was so happy I could spend more time with them.

When we got to both Lexi’s and Mandie's aunt’s house I met all of her cousins and uncles and such. They were really funny. I was like, “I’m an angel, trust me!” I said laughing. They all laughed.

“Then fly for us! If you’re an angel you must be able to fly!” one of her uncles said with a smirk upon his face.

That day was my favorite time I ever had with Lexi. I think about it all the time. She’s my best friend and I can't see her anymore. So, back to the loss part.

She had finally texted me back, telling me what happened. I cried, like I do everytime I learn something upsetting or depressing. I felt guilty for not being there to help her. She’s like a sister. In each other’s phones we are labeled as “Sissyyyyy!”. Her little sister calls me her sister, and her mom jokes that she rescued me from the dog rescue we work at. I was devastated and in shock. How could I have not realized what was going on at the moment? I felt horrible and very guilty. When I saw her at the dog rescue that Sunday I ran up and hugged her. We had talked for a while. That’s when she dropped it on me.

Residential. That one word changed everything. She had to go to residential, which is a ‘living’ mental hospital/rehabilitation center. That broke my heart into several pieces. Knowing your best friend was going somewhere so far away and for such a long time is devastating. I didn’t let her know I was so upset though. I just nodded and hugged her, telling her that I would have to visit. I never was able to. They didn’t get my information in time so I could visit her. I knew she was leaving on a Monday, so every Monday I cried, thinking that was the day she was going. But one day, late at night, on April 28, 2013 I started sobbing. She told me she was leaving the nest day. I got a text, “Hey, Im packing to leave tomorrow,” it said. Or at least I think it did. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t think straight. I just kept telling her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me, as any best friend would do in this situation.

April 29, 2013. That’s the day it all happened. I stayed home from school that morning, crying my eyes out. I got up early and texted her. We were talking for a while, about random things, like how her birthday was on the last day of school. I have a little Pikachu stuffed animal for her when I can see her again. I went into school late that day, not letting anyone see my pain and sorrow. I didn’t want anyone to pity me. She was almost there, still texting me. I would reply of course, I was in school but this was severely important. She had to get my age and everything, but I replied too late. Just barely. So I can’t see her.

I have not seen her since May now. I still text her telling her about random stuff and how much I miss her. I know she won’t reply but knowing that when she gets her phone she’ll see how much care and how I’m always going to be here for her. She told me she would be there for three to eight months. She does get passes though. She’s allowed out for a couple hours or maybe even overnight. I haven’t been able to see her during any of her passes yet, but as soon as I can we said that I will probably spend the night with her and her family during an overnight pass. It’ll be a while still before she officially gets out. My sister was once in residential. I didn’t get to see her for a whole seven months. It was an adult center so they didn’t quite love anyone under eighteen there unless you were immediate family. Like immediate. It didnt bother me too much. Lexi’s case upset me much more for some reason. I dont know why. I guess it’s true when people say best friends mean the world to you. I was much more upset than I was when my sister had been gone. I learned the true meaning of having a friend. Without her I don’t know where I’d be right now. I would vent to her about anything and everything, she helped me become a stronger person. I love her so much. I don't know where I’d be without my best friend. Just think for a moment. Where would you be without your best friend?