''...I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue...''
-Daddy; Sylvia Plath.

I wasn't ten, I was only five. Five to the day. It was my birthday and I wanted to learn how to ride a bike. So, you took me to the park. I got on the bike and you pushed me around, and suddenly you let go. I kept going, and going. And then you coughed.
When I turned around I saw blood. It was coming from your mouth, and you fell down. I ran to try and help, but I didn't know what to do. I was only five.
So I was there next to you screaming for help, and some people came near and called the ambulance. You were looking at me in the eyes and all I could see was pain. Real pain. And you kept coughing up blood everywhere. I'd never seen so much blood in my life. My clothes were full of it. And then you stopped coughing and people took me away, they took me to the house and I had to wait for mum to get home from work. I was confused. What had just happened? Blood. It was all I could think about. Blood.
When mum got home, the miss that took me home told her what had happened and she started crying. Really crying. This was the second I'd seen someone fall that day. I was waiting for the blood to come, but it didn't. Just more tears.
Mum called a nanny and told me she'd be back late. So I stayed home. I don't think I understood the concept of death. How someone can cease to be there. To smile, to laugh, to kiss. The difference between a person and a corpse. I was only five.
Mum did get in late, it wasn't my birthday anymore. She sat on the couch next to me, payed the nanny and cleared her throat: ''Dad's not coming back''. I didn't get it: ''Why?''. That's when mum started crying again: ''He died. He's dead''.
I didn't really understand this for some months. I thought maybe you didn't love me anymore. Maybe you were tired of reading to me every night. Maybe you were bored of me. But no, you're not tired or bored. You're dead. You're a corpse. You ceased to exist. You are not daddy anymore.