Dear Heroin | Teen Ink

Dear Heroin

October 3, 2010
By anqeleadbby BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
anqeleadbby BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
To speak without thinking is to shoot without aiming

I hate you. I have let you destroy my mind, and almost my life. But i love you, and i will never be the same. It was love at first sight. I loved the way my blood looked when i pulled back on the needle and it rushed so fast, so beautifully into the barrel of the syringe. The two colors mixing, fading together, the way watching it made my heart race. I am sober now, and tears are coming to my eyes at just the thought of you. The thought of pushing the needle, feeling the warmth of you flowing through my veins. Cold chills race down my spine at this very moment. what is life without you? An unbearable, monotonous existence. its been about three weeks since our last kiss, the last time i was in your arms, soaking in the euphoria of your embrace. I am nineteen years old, a young woman with so much capability, and i am utterly and incontrollably in love with you. The depths of my feelings for you are indescribable. You are a death-sentence, the sweetest one i have ever known. Your effects are so incredibly enrapturing, oh the lengths i have gone to, just to be with you, to feel sane again. My mind, sober, is left in vague fragments of a life that once was, once pulsed with exuberance, PROMISE. Without you, my love, i am broken, my thoughts written off, disposed of. The razorblades that oh so often run across my wrists, the blood that drips, almost as if in a race for temporary sanity, relief, only help for a brief time. I will never be the same. My mind is black, so very dark, its a lonely desolate place where my thoughts are are constantly roaming to the worst possible lengths. Lengths that allow me to think that life without your love is useless, not to be thought of, spoke of, believed in. Lengths that make me want to die. you've robbed me of so much of my innocence, and yet i am blind to the fact. I am as intelligent as these words being written, yet so very blind. I am shattered, broken, and i choose to drag the shards of glass across my body, to feel something, ANYTHING. I am dead inside, and i feel as if my heart and soul are far beyond the point of rescusitation. What have you done to me, love? Its not supposed to be like this, you have been disloyal to me, obliterated me. The more i try to pick up the pieces of my life and mend them back together, the more things fall apart, the more my soul shatter. I snorted you at first, still too innocent to mainline. I can still taste you in the back of my throat. dripping, draining into my core, corroding and mutilating my insides. NOT ANYMORE. I will pick these shards of glass out of the various places inside my body, and i will build something new, something worth living for.

The author's comments:
I wrote this to let people unaffected by drugs have a true, unsolicited insight on what it is truly like to be an addict of ANY sort. I was in those shoes for seven years, and its important to voice these matters in order to give insight and knowledge. I wrote this on September 24, 2010 while stone sober, and even now looking at it gives me cold chills and makes me really think. If i can help atleast one person going through an addiction by completely bearing my soul, then my work is done.

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This article has 2 comments.

on Jun. 25 2012 at 1:01 am
SickImage SILVER, Klamath Falls, Oregon
9 articles 1 photo 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The room was very quiet. I walked over to the TV set and turned it onto a dead channel-white noise at maximum decibels, a fine sound for sleeping, a powerful continuous hiss to drown out everything strange."

1. this is beautiful and well written.
2. It is crazy that I found this write at this moment because right now i am almost a month clean and the things you wrote relate to my situation all too well.
3. Question:were you dope sick when you wrote this? or were you already well? Did you do it cold turkey or get help?
 Sorry for my rambling, it's just nice to have found this on here when the majority of the time i read about "drugs are bad mmmk" and love and friendship n what not. don't get me wrong, people have talent and i enjoy other writes. But at this time, this is what i needed. So thank you.

on Oct. 6 2010 at 11:46 am
alexisabandoned GOLD, Kingsley, Pennsylvania
19 articles 6 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Poo (A. A. Milne)

this piece made me feel what you were feeling when you wrote it. i was never addicted to drugs, but i did have a major cutting problem. it was really rough and ruined a lot of personal relationships with people. hopefully you stay sober. but good work <3