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Taking The Risk
When I was maybe around 12 years old. I was walking home from a basketball game night with some teammates who also played with me. It wasn't much of a good walk since I can hear them bad mouthing me from behind. Friend 1 says, “ You should quit ya know, you’re not even that good.” Not that I didn’t know I was already a bad player compared to the rest of the team, but I replied with “ Let’s not forget who begged me to join. I shouldn’t be hearing any complaints from you.” With a few minutes more of them still bad mouthing me I excused myself from them taking another path way home thinking, “ What annoying little Sh*ts.”
Stepping into the doorway my Mother asked, “ Where were you? Don’t you know you have work waiting for you?” Right as she said that, she hit me with lists that I had to do around.
“It’s almost like I'm the only one around here.” I said.
Almost immediately she said, “It’s what runs in the family, you are the oldest.”
I rolled my eyes as I walked away from her fuming with anger.
I remembered that night I was arguing on and off with my family and as soon as I got into a room I got a call from my significant other talking about some nonsense about me lying at a game. “ You were at the game now were you? If you didn’t want to hang out with me you could’ve said that instead of lying you know.” He said.
“ Are you stupid? Don’t be jumping to conclusions when you weren’t there to watch because you were too quote on quote ‘Busy’ so, I don’t know what you’re talking about. “ I said.
“That’s not what your friends said.” He snapped back.
With him continuing his yapping I snapped.
“ Let’s break up. I’m done with you. If you’re going to be like that then you’re not worth my time.” I said yelling at him ending the call.
I layed on my bed thinking of how whatever is happening in my life is beginning to look really trashy. Something like that. So then I thought to myself “ Should I or should I not?” coming with all those thoughts and hesitation, I said “ F*ck it.” And with that I deleted everything off my phone knowing the consequences.
So then I was just there now on the floor with music around me. I was pretty miserable but I told myself “I can do it because there is no need for some people to always put me down for some down reasons.”
Then from that night I stayed up doing the work that they told me not to worry about.
As a year or two passed I became better, I ignored everyone at school and home, but I was entirely better aside from that though, well not entirely better because I was still behind on school work, but I still had it. Even after I left I still wanted to talk with my friends just because I missed those memories that we had. So I re-downloaded those socials and began the phone calls, and to my surprise they actually picked up. Now I honestly didn’t expect them to be so calm.
“ Hey, how have you been?” She said
“I’m doing better than ever.” I said
“ So what made you come back?” She laughed then continued “ I honestly thought you were dead gone.”
I laughed as well, “ You’re so funny.”
She stopped laughing and said “ Who said it was a joke?”
I stopped laughing. “ What?” I said with nervous laughter.
“ Yeah, you heard me. I know why you called but no. We don’t want you back. Go back to doing what you wanted to do. Be gone.” She said harsley.
Me being stunned, I said, “ Okay.”
With that I ended the call.
I said to myself, “ Why am I even surprised?”
I took a few more days thinking about whatever just happened and see if I should re-try it again, but I just said no, because honestly just hearing the tone of how she said it, she actually meant it, she didn’t want me. Not that I cared, but I have pretty much learned that taking the risk of distancing myself from my friends or my family was not a good idea, but knowing that they’re pretty bad for me was what made it worth it. Would I do it again? Yes, definitely, I don't need much distractions or people putting me down for trying new things and trying to make myself successful.
South Haven, Michigan
Park City, Utah
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