If you walk through most high schools today, you see students wearing a full face of makeup. Makeup tutorials and gurus have taken over the internet. But  I (as a high school kid) still can't do makeup. I don't understand contouring or skin tones- all I can do is put on lipstick or mascara, but that's about it. And honestly I thought it was completely fine until I went to my first ‘free’, and pretty much questioned everything. A ‘free’ is basically a party for minors, often times threw by high school students in basements or abandoned lots. I didn't quite understand the culture of a free until I went, there was lots of drinking and smoking, with high school kids stumbling around dancing to loud music. I don't drink or smoke, but I liked the dancing and talking to other high schoolers. Another element of a free is hookups, or rather the request of one, where an (often drunk) guy comes over to you and essentially asks if you want to make out in the corner.  The first time I went with a friend, who wore lots of makeup, and I just wore lipstick. She got so many requests to ‘hook up’, but I only got one- by an extremely drunk 12th grader (which I declined). I know it shouldn't have hurt me as much as it did, but I left the party feeling ugly and disappointed in myself. Questions like, “should I have shown more skin?” and “am I really that ugly without makeup?” filled my head all night. For the next few days, I felt insecure and completely questioned all my decisions regarding makeup. And on Monday I wore eyeliner and even took the time to powder out any blemishes in my face. I started watching youtube videos about how to do nose highlights. I became so obsessed with wearing more makeup that when I tried it for the first time, a night later, I looked like Donald Trump. So as you can imagine, for sixteen years old, Donald Trump was not at all my goal. So the following weekend comes, and I attended another free with my friend, this time I spent two (four) hours in the bathroom covering my face in makeup. Obsessively following a tutorial called “pretty makeup for pale girls. And Beginners.”

And you know how many hookup requests I got that night? None.  I got a lot of stares and weird looks, which basically let me know that I looked like a wrinkly raccoon (which is just a trash bag). I felt awful and as I was wiping away my orangy badger face, I thought “why do I care?” Why would I care if a drunk boy wants me to meanlessly make out with him? So I don't try to do full face makeup anymore. Instead, I draw hearts or smiley faces under my eyes and I experiment with glitter and lipstick colors. Because as long as I feel pretty, there's no reason anyone should make me question it. So here's my lesson: 1. Don't drink or smoke.  2. No one can ever tell you're less beautiful than you feel. And 3. Don't spend hours doing makeup, just make it up. Enjoy it and yourself.