A soft breeze. The trees rustle in the wind. I focus in on the surroundings, when, click, the moment is broken. You stand beside me, moving after seeing that the shot had been taken. You’ve never really understood the frustration of having the perfect shot ruined by your clumsiness. But, with a smile, we continue on farther into the woods.

In the too hot months of summer, and boredom of vacation, we would venture out into the unknown. A camera as our only weapon. You were dressed up and I kept falling down. Doing senior pictures for a client you’ve known for over two years is hard. You aren't a natural behind or in front of the camera, but with a few helpful tips you’ve got the skills in no time. Your hair was bleached by the sun and your bright blue eyes, helped make the pictures pop. I could spend all day with you; using you as amusement and a muse. But, my inner photographer told me to keep moving on.

Photography has taken over my life. My mom is always telling me that if I went missing she would search the local parks, because that’s where I usually am. It’s hard to explain to you how it takes off the weight of the world. Little accomplishments in my life is what make my efforts all the more worth it. I try to explain to you in smiles and excitement, I know you don’t understand what I’m saying, but I know you can see it in my eyes. I tell you about how my mom is making my pictures into canvases for her walls, and how the workers at Walgreens love my pictures, but I never get to say that my greatest achievement is getting to use you as a muse.

Photography is my escape, you are my muse, but in the end you have to leave an escape at some point in time. On the drive home from photoshoots, there’s a time of sitting in a void. Not moving, not feeling, unblinking. The weight of the world is back on my shoulders. I blankly open my laptop and begin work on the editing, hoping to escape a little more. As I look through my pictures, I feel a sadness wash over me, making me want to be out in the world more than just a few times in a few weeks. Then I remember, you can’t go far for $200. Especially under the age of 18. But, I still like to dream that I will be able to one day.

You’re always there, maybe not understanding everything I’m talking about. I don’t think you’ll ever understand ISO speeds, the different lenses I need, and my obsession with old cameras. You just sitting there smiling and nodding is what’s perfect. Photography weighs a ton on my life, yet it takes away the other weights. You seem to understand that perfectly, knowing that you’re my muse, a cute one. You help keep this weight in my life and you don’t make it any lighter.

Though my life is filled with snapshots; each with a story. There are a ton of you, and none of me. Behind the camera is where I beg to be.