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The Music of Me
Track 1: “If I Could” by Jack Johnson
"A brand new baby was born yesterday, just in time." Here I am Mommy and Daddy! Are you happy to see me? I’m happy to see you, too! I love you!
"Papa cried, baby cried, said your tears are like mine." Daddy, why are you crying? I know why I’m crying. I’m not safe and warm in Mommy’s belly anymore. How will I get food? How will I stay warm? I’m scared. Are you scared? I hope you’re just happy to see me. That must be it. Take me home!
"New life makes losing life easier to understand." Mommy, you’re ready for me right? It’s gonna be so different from your life before. It’s like losing a whole entire life and starting another one with me. But you’re ready Mommy, I can just tell.
Track 2: “Innocence” by Avril Lavigne
"I look around and I am so amazed. I think about the little things that make life great. I wouldn’t change a thing about it. This is the best feeling." Mommy and Daddy got me a new bike today! It’s pink and it has Barbie’s name in it. It has training wheels, and Daddy says that’s so I won’t fall off, but I did anyway. He told me that once I learn, I’ll never forget, and he kept teaching me and teaching me until I got it. When Daddy said that, I thought about looking like my Nonna, picking up my Barbie bike after a bajillion years of not riding it, and still remembering how to do it. We rode around and around my school all afternoon, and it was a perfect daddy-daughter day. I don’t wanna go to bed tonight; this day is too great.
"This innocence is brilliant. I hope that it will stay." When we got home from bike riding, Mommy said she had a surprise for me. She told me I was gonna have a brand new baby sister or brother! She told me it was gonna take God nine whole months to make the baby perfect for our family, but we were gonna see that baby grow in her belly until it was ready. I thought that was a little bit silly. Why would the baby wanna be inside Mommy? I asked her, and she said that once I was in her belly too. But I don’t remember that. I think she was kidding.
Track 3: “Anything but the Truth” by Jack Johnson
"They tell me that the ocean is tired of the shores, tell me what am I supposed to tell you? Well I can’t tell you anything but the truth." Ok. So, today, my mom bought me this stupid book called "The Care and Keeping of You." It was sooo awkward! It told me about growing up and all the “changes” that my body is gonna go through in the next couple of years. What kid wants to see drawings of girls going through “body changes?” Or, wanna know what’s even worse? Bra shopping! Seriously, I’m not even a teenager yet. I don’t want a bra!
"What is this place, who am I, why did we come here? I don’t know, I don’t know." I decided that middle school sucks. My mom told me that if I’m old enough to say “sucks,” then I’m old enough to do all of the homework they give me at school, read all of the huge books that I don’t understand, and give her a quarter every time I say a curse word. You know, a lot of the time I feel like she’s right. I am too young to talk like this, or dress like this, or wear makeup like some of the other girls. But so many other times, I know that I am growing up, and I have to act like this to fit in. Plus, I’m not as pretty as the other girls, so how do I keep up? I’m so confused. Why don’t you get it, Mom? Weren’t you in middle school once?
Track 4: “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift
"You take a deep breath, and you walk through the doors. It’s the morning of your very first day." Today is my first day of high school. I remember once, when I was really young, my parents and I were driving home from going out to dinner, and they took me past the school. It seemed so huge, so intimidating, and so ugly compared to the school that I was in back then. But it also seemed so far away that I didn’t even think twice about it. It was not something I thought I would ever have to worry about. And now, here I was. I walked through those doors, fantasizing about all of the amazing memories I would have of this school when I walked out those same doors on my last day of senior year. This was gonna be an incredible four years.
"When you’re fifteen feeling like there’s nothing to figure out, count to ten, take it in. This is life before you know who you’re gonna be." I finally feel like I’m getting a handle on this high school crap. I’ve met some people, made new friends, and even met a guy! We flirt all the time in Health class. I see where this is going!
Track 5: “Dancing with Tears in my Eyes” by Ke$ha
"I’m faded, I’m broken inside. I’ve wasted the love of my life." I should’ve known this would end badly. He didn’t like me; I was just his rebound girl. I guess it’s all my fault for not knowing what I was getting myself into. That was Facebook fights with his ex-girlfriend, friends taking sides, drama in school, and plenty of nights spent lying awake wondering if it was worth it. I guess I got my answer when he dumped me to go back to her. Don’t worry though, I’m not gonna let it go that easily.
"Payback is sick." Here’s what I wrote on the printed version of a private Facebook message: “Hey babe, here’s some Facebook official proof that your boyfriend is lacking in a pretty important area. I hope you two are very happy together. Congratulations, I hate you.”
Track 6: “The Freshmen” by The Verve Pipe
"For the life of me, I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise. For the life of me, I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins; we were merely freshmen.” When I was a freshman, the biggest deal in the world to me was finding out that my boyfriend liked another girl. Now, two years later, the biggest deal is college, and how I’ll spend the rest of my life. I can’t even begin to imagine what was going on in my head when I thought my first breakup was the beginning of my own personal apocalypse. It was stupid and immature.
But when you think about it, everyone will be stupid and immature until the day they die. We’ll keep learning until we have no time left, whether we’re conscious of it or not. My high school experience to date has been a series of nauseating rollercoaster rides, but at the same time, I would never think of trading it for a less intense one. If I’ve learned one thing throughout my entire life, it would be that it’s ok to look back on your past and have regrets, or see that you’ve done a few stupid things, but if you make the same mistake twice, you’re not taking advantage of the knowledge you’re being given. Always live life to the fullest.