Playing my violin makes me feel like I belong in society because I love playing for others. It gives me a joyful feeling when I play. This lovely feeling is warm in my skin and sometimes sends tingles through my stomach and arms. I find my passions through music, although that is not really a surprise considering I come from a family of musicians and singers. Most of my mother’s siblings and cousins sing really well, and some of my great-uncles play instruments as well.

I remember one of my first violin lessons. I was a five-year-old kindergartener, standing on the faded grassy hill with my fellow peers and some adults, before we all walked across the field of children playing soccer and onto the other side of the field, where the building for the first through fourth-graders stood. I remember being so excited to go to violin class, to sit in the medium-sized chapel room with my bald, male violin teacher and other students as we attempted to practice scales together. It was my mother’s recommendation that I start playing the violin; she just mentioned it one day and five-year-old me was unaware of the dedication I would need to have, as well as the sweat and tears I would produce in the future.

 I know that it might seem like I was extremely dedicated, but I was not. Yes, I got excited but eventually, I did not practice my violin as much, rarely in fact. My mother would have to remind me over and over again, like a broken record player. I was lacking intrinsic motivation but I knew I wanted to play as well as my teachers did. As I got older, I slowly started to practice more until I was twelve years old, when all of a sudden, intrinsic motivation sparked. I was in quarantine, watching violinists play on YouTube, and suddenly I thought to myself, I want to play as well as them.

This was what I needed if I wanted to become a good violinist. I knew that my mother should not have to stand right outside of my small room and tell me to practice. I needed to practice for me. Not for my mother, father, sister, or even for my violin teacher, but for my own growth as a young musician. So that is what I did. I practiced. I did not practice every day, but I practiced whenever I could.

Nowadays, it is a bit different. I practice my violin whenever I can find the time, usually at the end of the week, starting on Wednesdays or Thursdays. Typically, if I do not feel like practicing, I do it anyways, so I can grow as a musician and learn from my mistakes. Plus, playing the violin has done so much for me. I have performed classical pieces in front of people, both strangers and family members. I have performed pop songs in my neighborhood for my neighbors, whom I barely even see nor talk to. I have even played just so I can escape reality whenever I feel like I want to burst into red, burning flames or when I feel sad where I could cry a river. Now, even though I am not one of the most advanced violinists in the world, I am extremely proud of myself for coming this far by practicing for my personal growth as a musician. I am starting to form into a violin enthusiast. Through music I have found who I am as an individual, and that makes me happy. I love listening to different types of music like rock, and I love playing for myself and others. I feel the lovely sensation inside of me. One day I hope other people will be inspired by me playing my violin and will one day like to play an instrument, but only for their own personal growth, of course.