In the October Wind | Teen Ink

In the October Wind

March 15, 2014
By SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel


In the October wind. Hugging myself, my legs half-hanging over the sidearm of the plastic chair I place myself in, I close my eyes. And let my ears and cheeks see for them. Quite odd some would say. Well, the sound of the wind rustling through the trees and the sense of the, at times soft, at times fierce, breeze on my cheek does work the way sight would for others.

And there is only me. In that chair, sitting underneath the Jaaman tree with yellow leaves lying around the lawn. Opening up my eyes to see the sunshine peeking through the tree leaves. Such an adorable sight. I feel autumn is quite beautiful in its own way. And deep down inside I feel like I’ve wanted these few moments of solitude for quite some time and yet never was quite able to grasp what it was that I needed so badly until now.

For in this silence, by which I mean human silence, for nature is roaring – well in this silence, I think of so many things and so many people. People I haven’t thought of in quite a long time.

Pushing away the locks of hair from my face and mouth, I sigh. I turned 18 four days ago. I cannot believe that it has been four days already. And yet when I look at it, seems like ages, seems so much longer than those four days, seems like it has been forever. But forever is a word I use too casually. It’s been forever since you called. I’ve been waiting here for you since forever. Life’s so busy, and I feel like it’s going to be that way forever. I have loved you since forever. I will love you forever. I have been dying to talk to you since forever. It’s insane that ‘forever’, this wonderful word is so misused (maybe not always though), in all those phrases and sentences that I speak so often to friends and family.
Anyway, back to that turning 18.

Well – back when I was little-ler. Cause I’m still little by the way. So when I was little-ler, I had this notion that when I turned of age I’d get this getting-older feeling. No such thing exists I’m realizing now. I’m still the same old me, aren’t I? In fact, today, more ‘me’ than I have been in ages. (And hehehehe “in ages” is also one of my most-used phrases I see.)

So going back in memoriam and looking at my thoughts and thinkings from then – Oh, shoot looks like it’s going to start raining in minutes. I better dash inside.

In my room now. As I’m settling down in place I notice sand grains on the bed sheet. Hmm. So, there really were specks of dust in the wind and it was stuff getting in my eyes and not me getting sentimental out there. Haha. Maybe a bit of both. Well, I never did claim that I was the hardcore stone-hearted. I do get quite staggeringly nostalgic at times. As I did a few moments ago out there. But I guess it was a good kind of nostalgia; the one that brought merry tears of remembrance into my eyes and made me smile ever so subtly.

Inhale. Such a wonderful aroma. I do so love the smell of rainwater on the ground. Everybody must I suppose, because it is nothing but beautiful. And I can hear the raindrops hitting the windowsill and the ground around it and the roof. How I have always adored rain. Well, let me not turn this into prose about rain because I’m sure I would never stop if I properly got started.

So then I resume thinking of me. And what I had thought life would be and what I think it would be now. And what I hope it would be. (which are three different things believe me!)

I think of all the art I had thought to create. All those days daydreaming about my art exhibitions all over the world. I think of all the stories I had hoped to pen down. And all those publishers I’d imagined up, Preferably Bloomsbury, seeking to publish my books.

Most said my dreams were unrealistic. Scorn is not uncommon in this world. Even at the age of eleven a child is told that what he thinks to do cannot be done. It is not possible. It is not achievable. Instead of being encouraged to pursue something one loves, one is told to gather some sense and find something that can actually benefit them in the real world. Not by my family, but by everyone else in this world. They all equally participated in the daydreaming. And admired every little creation of mine. Sometimes despite the fact that it wasn’t too remarkable.

Oh, but it was preposterous to even think that I could ever paint anything good enough that it was admirable and could be sold. Art Exhibition? Such a joke. Publish a book? Absurd. And these people I speak of would oftentimes smile to themselves in that “She is such a child, I am a wise person” – way, as I told them of my endeavors.

Well, it matters not. None of this ever was important. Nor shall it ever be. Their opinions did not affect me. But I wonder what did. And the answer is a fluttering butterfly. The moment it seems I am within reach, it flies away.

For if I look at myself now, all that unlimited energy seems to have disappeared. Even when now I write, it seems I’ve grown rusty. An excerpt from one of my Haiku: “words are at a standstill, and don’t flow from the heart like they used to.”

Some months ago I had this brilliant idea for a novel. In fact my best friend gave me the grounds for it. Pushing me and pushing me to think of something to write about that I believed in. And it isn’t like I don’t have ideas every day. I do. But this one idea: I was passionate about it. (I am passionate about it) I wanted to write and write and write and write until my hands hurt and I couldn’t find words anymore. And yet, my novel has been put on hold. Simply put, I don’t have time for it.

When 2013 began I got this itch to sketch buildings. I realized how epic building sketching was. How there were so many beautiful buildings in the world. Another thing to my “things to do in life list” was added: Visit Venice and sketch all the time you’re there. And yet, I haven’t sketched anything other than Rialto Bridge and the Eiffel Tower still. Simply put, I don’t have time for it.

Poetry, which in my dictionary is not “Literature in metrical form” but “The most beautiful fashion of writing ever invented, a language in itself, and unharnessed natural beast, divine — ”and well it goes on. Anyway, I fell in love with it in 2009 to be precise and have written many poems since. Different styles, different types. Exploring the unexplored and venturing into every nook and corner to look for similes and metaphors and creating something new out of the alphabets. Well, no surprise to know that I haven’t composed much poetry in quite a long time. And all that I have is nothing but dejected words and painful mourning. No happy inspirations at all. Simply put, I don’t have time for it. And that makes me all the more vexed.

What do I do then? What do I do with my time? Well, yes I waste a lot of it. Though of course if you asked my family I waste ALL of it (and Oh, I sleep a lot too!) In reality I’ve been focusing most of it into driving myself to achieve this one thing: good grades and getting admitted to a great university. When people ask me what I am going to do I answer, “I am going to become a software engineer.” In contradiction to my answer some years back, “I don’t know really, but I am pretty sure I’m going to be an author and an artist.” But anyway, the thing is, when something is in your priority list, you make time for it. You take time to make time. But I suppose now that I don’t have enough time for these things I have inadvertently pushed them down my list. Something I regret every day. And am trying very hard to remedy; because this is stuff that I love, stuff that makes me who I am.

So well, when I wondered up there if I had actually grown up. I guess it was wrong to suppose that I hadn’t. And well, the people that think I haven’t are – simply put – wrong. Letting go of the stuff you love so much (for such a long time) and spending all your days concentrating on achieving that practical and realistic goal, if that ain’t enough growing up. I really don’t know what in the world is. So what if I am childish in everything else. I like being that way. And we all have a right to do as we please so long as it doesn’t annoy others and really this shouldn’t and doesn’t.
I guess all our lives we try just want to grow up and when we have we keep wishing for a time turner. Yes, I did not like growing up either. I do not like it. But I’ve made my peace with it. And have made my peace with that disturbing notion telling me I may completely forget about my art. Which I did by telling myself that I cannot and I shall not! That this is just for one year. That this is a struggle that requires me to sacrifice some things and sacrifice makes one stronger. That I do need to get stronger and that I shall return to all of it. When? Soon. After all, I am the one that says, “No, time doesn’t fly really, it runs with supersonic speed.”

Anyway, such insanity. I really should muse saner stuff and stop contradicting myself at every point. Besides, I shall always be that little girl. The one that learned to walk and talk even before she was eleven months of age, the one that threatened her parents, “I’m leaving this place” and went as far out as two lanes off when she was two years and a half and the one who is currently desperately in need of a driver’s license.
Don't worry Jack Frost, even though the moon didn't talk to me; the wind, the winter, the sky has. And well - they whispered things quite nice. And well, I believed them. And I still don't know why but whenever I look up at the sky. I smile. Inevitably. Uncontrollably. Incandescently. I smile. And I think, and this is a hunch but well, that it is because I know that God is watching over me.


The author's comments:
"Well, we all have those days."

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This article has 12 comments.


on May. 23 2014 at 10:41 am
ansem_unlimited PLATINUM, Frederick, Maryland
33 articles 0 photos 140 comments

Favorite Quote:
Thou may think of me as desired, to idolize or villanize me whichever you may choose. but gaze upon me and thou sall not see the husk of a man! for all my sins and all my bliss, i am anything but hollow
-Ansem_Unlimited

BTW... engineering school sounds cool, to be honest i couldn't engineer my way out of a paper bag!  I for one am looking for a school where i can not only work on my writing but, where i can do a major in criminal law and maybe minor in psychology (Probably spelled ALL of this wrong!) 

on Apr. 9 2014 at 8:15 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

Hihi :D .

on Mar. 30 2014 at 2:10 pm
ansem_unlimited PLATINUM, Frederick, Maryland
33 articles 0 photos 140 comments

Favorite Quote:
Thou may think of me as desired, to idolize or villanize me whichever you may choose. but gaze upon me and thou sall not see the husk of a man! for all my sins and all my bliss, i am anything but hollow
-Ansem_Unlimited

I love this article for 3 main reasons; 1, you have great technique and word choice, 2, it's a long article argo more room for good word choice, and 3 because I love the fall, i even wrote 2 poems this previous fall about fall... yay fall XD

on Mar. 29 2014 at 2:22 pm
KarmaBites GOLD, Columbia Heights, Minnesota
11 articles 0 photos 134 comments
Of course!! :-D

on Mar. 29 2014 at 10:28 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

RAY! Gosh You have no idea as to the wideness of my teethy smile that you endowed me with as I read your kind words!    It is really great to know someone can relate so completely to my words and that my prose is adored because as you can see it is one in many pieces of poetry and well, mostly nowadays I just feel like my prose gets wayyy too personal every time. Haha. Kinda like a journal entry. Thought this one was like that too I suppose not as sentimental. Though now I am having second thoughts and shall share more prose on here.  WOW I DID NOT KNOW THAT! Such an unexpected word though I mean kind of gives me a stark feeling. But then so does rain. Not that it isn't amazing. Just - God you know what I mean right. Rain is just rain. and petrichor is just petrichor ^_^   Ahahhaha. "Bubbliness" was such a fun word to describe the article. I AM MOST thankful to you for your detailed and insightful feedback. OH and I checked out your likes and stuff and I LOVE "To Killl a Mockingbird", "The Script" and HEY you know ONLY today my download of the TEN seasons of FRIENDS shall complete and then I'd watch all of them in the summer. CAN NOT WAIT. So excited ahhaa..  AND HEY I WISH I KNEW YOU IN PERSON!     P.s. That was really the nicest thing ever to say!

on Mar. 28 2014 at 9:18 pm
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

Are you sure you didn't peek into my mind during my sleep and then came up with this? Because that is me. Seriously. Me. I loved the setting (specially since its real), the wind and sand on your bed. Gives a strange sense of familiarity to me. And did you know the smell after the rain is called 'petrichor'? I've always hated growing up, too, and I hope I make my peace with it, someday. I also liked the, uhh.... bubbliness, flowing through this. Amazing, Sapphira! (Boy do I wish I knew you in persom!)

on Mar. 26 2014 at 2:05 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Ahahahaha. You are too kind. Wow. That is quite interesting really. And well I really need to see more of your writings. Maybe I should now go back to read the really old stuff that I haven't read ;) Your method seems quite productive. Maybe I'll try and give it a shot too. Oh well, Happy EXTREMELy belated birthday then! Ahaha. Gosh I really worry sometimes how we're gonna stay in touch when we all leave TeenInk because really you and all my other awesome TI pals are like REALLY very important part of my life and a part I always want to hold onto. All this thinking about the future had made me think too much ahahha. And Well GOOD LUCK! I guess I'll be trying too. And well I inferred from all my applications that currently the best thing would be stay here and study at a local university (fiscally and emotionall stable) because well, obviously the first problem is the expense and secondly I have decided that as yet I am not ready to be out where I literally don't know anybody :P I do intend to pursue higher study abroad. At least I'll try my best. You know Msc and Mphil. But for Bsc I suppose I shall stay here. There's good universities here. But well I suppose I shall apply in the nearby cities. Islamabad and Lahore. The three I have planned to give tests for are called NUST (National University of Science and Technology), GIKI (Ghulam Ishaq Khan Institute) and UET Lahore ( University of Engineering and Technology) ....And well really your plan sounds pretty good to me.  And well, in the end all we ever wish to do is leave our mark, don't we? Let's just pray everything works out. I have a feeling it will. But well until then. 

on Mar. 26 2014 at 1:47 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

HEY THERE. I'd wondered where you'd gone off to Lexy! Oh shoot. Forgot the password? Or website malfunction? Because it has many of those believe me. There was this one time when I couldn't see ANY comments on any of my articles and reply to them. :P I do so love replying. And sucked a lot. But anyway got fixed itself after a few weeks. Well yes, weeks. AND SERIOUSLY THANK YOU! I am seriously awed by Yours! And hey give "There is nothing like" a read! I like that one. Maybe you will too. Love always, Dua.

on Mar. 25 2014 at 7:49 pm
KarmaBites GOLD, Columbia Heights, Minnesota
11 articles 0 photos 134 comments
Hi Saphira! It's 411Ellie. (I couldn't log in to my account, so I created a new one.) I am awed by your talent. Thank you for being my biggest supporter. Keep writing! <3

on Mar. 23 2014 at 10:13 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

You are certainly neither deplorable nor insufferable! Most of the artsy people I know--which would be most of the people I know--can only write or paint or do their thing when the inspiration strikes them. For me, I've learned (very, very slowly) how I can generate inspiration, but a lot of that just comes from my being a moody person, which gives me ample oppurtunity to write about my feelings, and unfortunately can also lead to certain levels of drama that always leave me with something to feel and then write about. The trick is learning to put yourself in situations where you can expect to get inspired (and also lots of rant poetry), but I can definitely understand why you wouldn't want to go into writing. Forcing yourself to do something kind of ruins it, and if you keep writing as a hobby you'll be able to have a successful career and an awesome way to de-stress!  As for my birthday, it was almost a month ago exactly--February 25th. And I'm probably going to start my scholarship craze this summer. There are so many obscure scholarships out there, if I apply everywhere I can I'm bound to get something for my troubles. Plus, my gpa and stardardized test scores are slightly above the average for applicants at Sarah Lawrence, which is the school I like, so it's possible that they'll offer me merit based scholarships, and they have a whole page on their website just listing places where students can apply for various scholarships. The good thing is that there is an affordable in-state school that's almost as good, with a creative writing program and a lot of students who vollunteer in the Peace Corp after graduating (basically my plan). Not my first choice, but I'm pretty lucky to have it as a realistic second. What about you? You mentioned software engineering, but do you have your sights set on any particular schools yet?

on Mar. 22 2014 at 10:58 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

I think you might have but I don't seem to recall exactly when. However, this reminder was just what I needed because lately I haven't been writing prose much and as you can tell even this was from last October. Hence, it is good to know that you find it beautiful. Thank you for that kindness. And well, you know how I realized I couldn't do something writing related for a living? When I found out that I could not force myself to write when I didn't feel like it. In fact so it is with everything. Yes everything with me has to be perfect and I have to feel like doing it and only then I do and well, with all sorts of art I am only able to create when real inspiration strikes. Otherwise if I do, I am never happy with it and chuck it away. Oh Gosh, don't I seem deplorable and insufferable. Ah, well. And don't worry Em. Totally happened with me. Also see when we're little we ignore the fiscal aspects of everything. When we get somewhat older we realize how crucial those are for consideration of almost anything. hence comes a change of plans. And yes, aren't all incredible schools expensive. Though why don't you try for scholarships? You should. I mean TRY AT LEAST! And well in the end, I simply cannot imagine a life not based around writing either so well I always keep hoping that I'll find this awesome travel writing job which would be the most perfect thing as I love travelling to bits and pieces and besides the HUGEST not-getting-inspired-problem would be solved as SERIOUSLY why would I not get inspired while travelling? ALWAYS DO :D Oh sheesh when was your birthday? DIdn't even get to wish you :'( Ahahaha and I LOVED your minibook <3

on Mar. 21 2014 at 7:24 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Have I ever mentioned that even your prose is incredibly poetic. That always strikes me first when I start reading your pieces, but it wouldn't make sense to say that your poetry is poetic since that's sort of the point of poetry, so I have to save the compliment for other things. Example: prose. Yours is as beautiful and flowy as always. And gee, can I relate to the content. I've been having some interesting discussions with my parents lately about college, trying to balance my dreams with what I can realisticly do and support myself with. Plus, all of these incredible schools I keep falling in love with are massively expensive. I mean, the first thing I used to look forward to when it comes to college is getting to go off on my own and finally choose where I get to move--that was one of my dreams--but it's looking like I might be staying in state. Don't get me wrong--that is absolutely worth it if it means I'll be able to afford a good writing education--but it's tough having to drop something I've always looked forward too. For me, writing is still everything, but that's because it's my greatest talent. I can't imagine a life that's not based around writing, and I don't think I could trust myself with anything else (actually, I can't imagine a life where I'm not learning either, but there are careers for that, careers where I could use my writing to teach other people my favorite skills). I just turned seventeen two months ago, and it's still sort of weird to think how close I'm getting to being a legal adult. Wow, I'm sort of turning this comment into a minibook. XD