Une fille | Teen Ink

Une fille

August 12, 2011
By Kgreg77 BRONZE, Strongsville, Ohio
Kgreg77 BRONZE, Strongsville, Ohio
3 articles 2 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And if our God is for us, then what could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?"

Their style never matched their personality. They were zombies. A group of carefully designed robots, trained to do everything exactly on point. It was like looking through the shades of a mime. Each individual was exactly the same.
She saw the shadow of the dark, gray cloud hover above her head.
Within seconds, it was accompanied by rain drops, dripping from the faucets of the sky. The sun vanished, it had too much pride to be seen in the presence of darkness. Her luminous light began to slip between the cracks of her own self-pity. She kneeled down on the cooling sand, and looked up towards the sky. La langue. She decided to see how many rain drops she could catch on her tongue. Sixteen. A rain drop for every year she had been on this earth. Rummaging through her forest green tote bag, she grabbed her green Pashmina scarf, and wrapped it around her arms. She stepped into the water, and paused… As the heavy wind hit her back. And she shivered when she felt the brisk, chilling wind. The pure, deep aquamarine water, glistening brighter than ever. The swish-swash-swoosh of the water going back and forth…It was calm, soothing, and peaceful. The beach water said to be salty, never seemed so sweet. The water never smelled so fresh. She inhaled through la nez, taking it all in. The water diffused from her feet to her head. The water seeped into the pores of her skin, and gushed through her veins. She looked into the water, searching for her reflection. But the person she saw staring back at her was someone else. It was…A zombie. A robot. A mime. A dark cloud. A rain drop. She became everything that she saw. She turned into everything that she felt. She became just like everyone else. Her name was Emily.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Aug. 16 2011 at 5:27 pm
BreeTayler PLATINUM, Carlisle, Arkansas
30 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where there is love there is life." --Ghandi

I loved the message to this story! Because we ARE zombies, robots, and even mimes! lol Things are indeed a bit confusing though. To enhance your story I suggest you work a few transitions in there... And explain more about the setting.. I didn't notice it was a beach until she stepped into the water ... Did she go underneath the water? That's what I got by the word "diffuse" if not then I suggest you change a few things around... Or imply that she takes a few steps into the shore, not reaching all the way up to her head... Other than a few minor set backs, this was a great article and a fanstastic read:)