Drifting | Teen Ink


April 24, 2010
By Fredwardness SILVER, Romeo, Michigan
Fredwardness SILVER, Romeo, Michigan
8 articles 6 photos 211 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun" -The Killers (Read My Mind)

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." -George Harrison

I felt the barrel of the gun jab into the back of my head. Maybe I should have been afraid, but only peaceful thoughts were on my mind. Soon it would be over; I’d have nothing to worry about. I’d be done with all this pain. The thought made me smile. Death had never seemed so beautiful.
“Do it, pull the trigger!” I whispered almost eagerly to the shadow behind me.
“Do you really want this? It is a permanent decision you know. You’ll never be able to go back, you’ll be gone. Forever.” The shadow said laughing harshly. He wanted this more than I did. He wanted me gone. Dead.
“Yes, I—I’m sure.” Once the words left my lips, I heard the gun go off with a sickening crack. My body crumpled to ground and lay there in a mangled heap. All the life and warmth I had ever had was now gone. It had already drifted away into nonexistence.
My thoughts twirled backward, I quickly relived every moment of my life, at least, I think it was my life. I couldn’t remember at that point. The memories slowly took over my mind; it was like I was under a trance. It suddenly broke off when I heard a faint voice. A harsh voice that was barely audible.
“She’s gone, dead! Off to burn!” vicious laughter followed shortly. The voice seemed familiar, but I couldn’t trouble myself with that. I was heading to flames, already the burning sensation had me trapped in its fiery walls.
“Burn child, burn in the flames!” the voice cackled, “BURN!” Those were the last words I heard before slipping completely into my personalized he11, the last words I heard before I drifted to the eternal flames.

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This article has 4 comments.

on Aug. 7 2010 at 11:37 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Something about the first half of this piece is eerily similar to the piece that I just read earlier, the I Always Knew one. And, coincidentally, this piece has the same problems. Where is the storyline here. Yes, the writing was very well done, especially in the latter lines, but what is going on here. Maybe it could be an opening for a story, and the man, in the flashback, recounts his life and you could use that as a narrative for a book idea. Too short and not enough details. GIVE ME MORE!!!!

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 6 2010 at 11:35 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

I think if you extend and make a beginig to this piece it would be one worth reading, this was phenominal

on Jun. 4 2010 at 11:00 am
roxymutt BRONZE, Marietta, Georgia
4 articles 5 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. -David Henry Thoreau

I really liked this idea but i think you needed MORE...It almost left too many questions open.  What is it that he/she did to get in this position...maybe include a flashback to something important.  I do apologize for my frankness..but it also was quite well written.  Keep writing!

Belle ;) said...
on May. 23 2010 at 5:28 pm
wow....that's...all i can say...wow....it's good...