Act I

[ROMEO is walking down a hallway when he hears loud scuffling noises]

ROMEO: Oh no! Are my dad and the principal fighting again? Those two just hate each other.

[ROMEO’s dad, the janitor, and the staff throw tests at the principal and the students. Then, BENVOLIO comes and taps ROMEO on the back.]

ROMEO: Hey buddy Ben! (they fist pump) Look at this. (ROMEO indicates the fight). Should I help them?

BENVOLIO: Nah. Actually bro, I found you a girl.

ROMEO: Really?

BENVOLIO: Yeah, she’s hot. She’s called Rosaline. She’s in the cafeteria. C’mon.

[ROMEO and BENVOLIO walk to the cafeteria, crouching behind the trash cans.]

ROMEO: Wow… she is hot. Well, here goes nothing.

[ROMEO boldly steps from behind trash can and awkwardly confronts ROSALINE.]

ROMEO: Rosaline, will you go out with me?

ROSALINE: Uh…who are you?

[ROSALINE exits quickly.]

ROMEO: Aw, shucks.

[BENVOLIO steps out from behind trash can]

BENVOLIO: It’s okay, man. They’re plenty of other girls at the dance tonight[w1] .

[ROMEO thinks about this. BENVOLIO sees Romeo’s hesitation.]

BENVOLIO: Rosalie will be there…

ROMEO: Okay then!

Act II

[CAPULET, the principal, who is also Juliet’s dad, is seen picking up erasers. He sighs.]

CAPULET: Juliet needs a boyfriend to improve those D’s she has. Hmmm. (CAPULET looks around, sees a random guy) That nerd over there, PARIS, he looks pretty smart, and he’s the son of the math teacher, so he’ll be on my side against that annoying janitor.

[CAPULET walks to PARIS]

CAPULET: Paris, I think you are the perfect match for my daughter.

PARIS: Me? Her? Isn’t she a little young…

CAPULET: No one else will love you.

PARIS: Okay then. When can I meet her?

CAPULET: How about at the dance tonight?

Act III

[JULIET is talking into the recording device, chin down, making her eyes look really big. She’s standing in a room filled with lots of dancing high school students and pop music.]

JULIET: OMG! Is this recording? Okay. Okay. So. Hi guys! This is Juliet, but you can call me Julie. Julie’s so much cooler, don’t you think?

[high pitched squeals of laughter]

JULIET: Anyways. I’m at the high school dance. I’m not in high school yet, but Daddy said that he’ll let me go ‘cause I’m his special Julie. Isn’t that great?

[From far away, ROMEO is seen, camera zooms in on him. ROMEO is walking toward ROSALINE.]

ROMEO: Rosaline! (ROSALINE doesn’t hear. ROMEO trips, looks up, sees Juliet. He sees cliché hearts around JULIET in his mind. He immediately forgets about ROSALINE. He mutters to himself.) Whoa … who is she?

[JULIET sees ROMEO looking at her.]

JULIET: (thinking) O.M.G. Romeo. Is SO. Hot! Like, OMG!!!!! And cute. Did I mention hot?

[ROMEO and JULIET kiss, music plays, hopefully David Archuleta]

Random person: Ewww.

Random Person 2: How old is she?

[Random high school students start to loudly converse, Paris pushes his way through]

PARIS: WAIT! (he frantically waves his arms) What are you doing?! What’s happening? (Points at ROMEO) That’s my girlfriend.

JULIET: what?

PARIS: Uh.. never mind. The point is, you’re the janitor’s son!

Random person: GASP!

Random person 2: He smells like trash!

[Random people start to converse again.]

PARIS: No, no no! Julie’s dad is the Principal!

Random person: What? She must be rich.

Random person 2: So that’s why she’s at this high school dance!

[Random people start to converse again.]

PARIS: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. We are on the principal’s side! Juliet can’t kiss him! He hired me to do that!

JULIET: Huh?

[Everyone looks very confused.]

ROMEO: (seizes chance.) So… you’re JULIET?

JULIET: Julie.

PARIS: ENOUGH!

[PARIS knocks ROMEO to the ground, and ROMEO is knocked unconscious. JULIET, screaming like crazy, thinks ROMEO is dead. She is so upset she immediately takes a tranquillizer and also falls asleep. ROMEO wakes, sees JULIET.]

ROMEO: Is Julie dead? My life is over. I can’t live without her.

Random person: You met her for three seconds…

BENVOLIO: (appears out of nowhere) True love, folks.

[CAPULET and the janitor appear]

CAPULET and the janitor in unison: What are you doing?

[Awkward silence, as ROMEO is standing over a sleeping JULIET.]

CAPULET: (quavering in anger) YOU (points to ROMEO) are transferring to some mental school[w2] !

ROMEO: (being dragged away) Julie, I’ll find you one day, even if I’m in a weird school.

JULIET: (wakes up) No! Wait! Where is he going?

ROMEO: (reaching out to Juliette dramatically) I’ll wait for you!

Random person: Isn’t Julie supposed to say that?

Random person 2: Oh well.

The End.