Believe Me | Teen Ink

Believe Me

July 7, 2014
By Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"


They didn't believe me. Not at first.
The chemicals of the neutralizer still coursing through their veins, slowly embedding itself in their own DNA, keeping them from feeling anything; how could they believe me when they couldn’t even fathom that belief? The chemicals kept them from cradling hope in their hands; from warring anger in their thoughts; from finding love inside themselves. No, they couldn't even feel the faint tug of joy as it taps your shoulder. Just cold, dark persistence to complete whatever it is they can before it is too late.
I was different. I felt. And after I met her, that once lifeless persistence molded into something more, something that the chemicals couldn't stop. Over time, I would learn to call it love. Something so simple, yet so beautiful, that not even the neutralizer could stop it. And once I learned how to fight the chemicals, once I learned how to feel and become something more, I learned how to break through them forever. So I did.
On the missions after I had first started to beat down the barriers, after I had started to unveil who I truly was, I noticed something. Just out of reach, in the corner of my eye, teasing me. Each time we slipped out of one reality and into the next, I saw something more than that cold, dark persistence to get where I was going. The missions themselves became dull, tedious. The only reason I kept going for so long was to get a chance to leap through that persistence and find what I had been itching at my soul since I freed myself - to see what was teasing me from just out of reach, a glint caught in the corner of my eye.
Eventually, I did break through. And I saw a door. A door that I could wrap my hands around and press against, a door that I could open - if only I had the key.
Finding it wasn’t easy. The others were noticing my change - they were uncomfortable with me, because I wasn’t the same. And yet, while the rest shied away, she would find something within herself that allowed her to step forwards - to actually pretend, for my sake and for the others, that everything was normal. She gave me the key, because each time she would talk to me - just the simplest of words - I would feel something more than I could ever have imagined. Something more right than I could have ever fathomed.
The key was love.
When I found that out, when I opened the door and found that new universe that only my emotions could harvest, I never wanted to come back. Things there were right. Each blade of grass or breath of air was bleeding with emotion; living with feeling and purpose beyond what their momentary mission might be. It was perfect, and there was nothing in my other world, the cold, heartless world, that could compare. I did go back, of course, but only for one reason - for her.
But by the time I came back, they had plotted against me. They had decided that I was corrupt; that by feeling anything more than they could, I was walking the wrong path. They had planned a way to rid me forever, to cast me out as a lonesome pariah, to leave me stranded. They had found a way to throw me in the middle of nothingness, a noplace between this universe and my own.
But it wasn’t their betrayal that bothered me.
It was the fact that she was the one who did it, in the end.
She cast me out, after showing me that she was capable of love - that she was willing to face me and face the truth. She made me love her, and in return, she tried to kill me. Even if I never did die, something was destroyed when they cast me out. Something was lost that they would dearly regret losing.
What they didn't realize is that by casting me out forever, they only opened that door a little wider to my own universe. That noplace didn’t care about me, but my world did. It wanted me back. And when I finally stepped through that door again, I knew what I had to do.
No, they didn't believe me. Not at first.
But when I lured them there, lured them to my kingdom and to their deaths; when the blood was still pooling around my boots, the soil drinking it like wine; when the spark of life was just starting to seep out of them forever - when I finally revealed myself to them and let them pay for their betrayal, then yes, they believed me.
There is only one left, now. Running helplessly through their own universe, pretending that they can escape what they did. Pretending that they hadn’t sealed their fate the moment they cast me out. Pretending with a cold, hopeless determination, that running away will somehow save them.
But if one thing is certain, it is that their belief, their realization that they were wrong all along, that I was right, that I was pure while they were corrupt; that belief is the last thing that they will ever know.
That belief is the last thing she will ever see;
Belief, and me.


The author's comments:
This character is based off of one of the stories I am working on. While here he is depicted as the protagonist (in his own way) in the actual story he is the adversary. I figured that writing from his perspective would be interesting. It was.

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This article has 10 comments.


on Jul. 1 2015 at 12:36 pm
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

Thanks for the support! This story is on the backburner for now, but I've found that a lot of my old ideas keep bubbling to the surface in new ways. Sooner or later I'll get around to developing it further, and until then I'll carry your enthusiasm with me in all my writing. I really appreciate the feedback!

on Mar. 2 2015 at 9:51 am
CNBono17 SILVER, Rural, South Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
Lego ergo sum (Latin—I read, therefore, I am)
The pen is mightier than the sword—unknown
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity—1 Timothy 4:12

I know I'm late, but here are my thoughts: If this is the antagonist, I'd love to read the story. His perspective is relatable and you're able to sympathize with him, but he still manages to give the reader chills. I was on the edge of my seat, and I want more! Can't wait for the story where he's the antagonist! Well done and thoroughly intriguing! I might try it... :)

on Mar. 2 2015 at 9:10 am
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

I would be happy to! I'll put my comments there.

Beila BRONZE said...
on Feb. 28 2015 at 11:58 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

You're welcome! I'm glad to hear that you appreciate the constructive criticism with the praise. :) On that note, would you mind giving me the same feedback on my piece, "In Memory"? I'd love it if you could read and comment to let me know what you think were my strengths and weaknesses, if you have a moment!

on Feb. 27 2015 at 7:21 pm
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

Thank you so much! I have read your other comments on my stories - all were extremely helpful. I'm sorry I did not reply to them sooner, but for some reason my notifications from Tennink didn't keep up and I missed your first few comments until now. From reading them I can tell that your advice is very valuable. I really appreciate you taking the time to critique the specific areas of my writing - most of the time I don't notice those errors since I am familiar with the piece, and knowing what didn't flow and where is extremely helpful in the editing process. For this piece, I definitely see what you mean with the awkward tenses in the beginning, as well as the awkwardness in the end. I'll be sure to make those changes the next time I edit:) Thank you again!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Feb. 26 2015 at 8:46 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Wow, I loved this. Quite a few of your lines just gave me chills... "Each blade of grass or breath of air was bleeding with emotion"... "when the blood was still pooling around my boots, the soil drinking it like wine." I am hooked on this character and definitely want to read his part in the real story. I have only a couple critiques: in the beginning, there was a little tense confusion, and at the end, you used "they" for a singular person, which is incorrect but also sounds weird to say when you are emphasizig that this is just one person left alive. Instead, if you wanted to keep gender ambiguous, maybe you could have incorporated "who"? Anyway, just my thoughts. Great writing. :)

on Sep. 29 2014 at 8:45 pm
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

I have no idea how I missed this comment after all this time! I'm so sorry I haven't replied until now. It was a great surprise to find:) I'm thrilled that you like it! The actual story that goes with this tumbled in literally a hundred directions until I just stepped back and to let it work itself out in my subconscious. I wrote this a little later to get some main points down; and I'm overjoyed that you like it! I plan to return to the story sometime, and when I do I'll keep your comment in mind. Thank you so much! :D

on Aug. 27 2014 at 3:15 pm
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Books are a uniquely portable magic." - Stephen King

I love books, and I love technology, but I don't want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

I. NEED. MORE. NOW. This was incredible, to say the least! Of course I don't know much of the plot in regards to the actual story which this is based off of, but from the hints you gave in this piece I was able to conclude that it is truly AMAZING. Seriously, this story sucked me right in and I could not stop reading; if you think writing from the villain's perspective is interesting, trust me when I say it's always about 10 times more interesting for the reader! And as always, I absolutely love your ability to show, not tell; you kept a lot of the main plot details obscured, and I think that's probably about 80% of the reason I want to read more. There's a big promise of an incredible story in this piece; I have no doubt after reading this that you can deliver on that promise. :)

on Jul. 11 2014 at 8:46 pm
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

on Jul. 11 2014 at 8:34 pm
GraceHalvo3740 BRONZE, Rapid City, South Dakota
3 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

I really enjoyed reading this. I thought that the description was very good, and it started out very mysterious which drew the reader in. I also think that the description helps the reader relate everything that the character is going through to their own abstract feelings.