The Sacrificed | Teen Ink

The Sacrificed

January 15, 2012
By Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.


The City of Centsia sat beside a range of mountains called the Barr, named for their tendency to barricade attacking armies. The city itself consisted of tall buildings, the kind of buildings where you could see the first few floors from the ground and the last from the stars. The material was glass: a greenish kind of glass that made each building twinkle beautifully in the moonlight.

There were two kinds of people in the City of Centsia: the winged and the walkers. The winged were the sacred people, worshipped by all, and the walkers suffered a superfluous amount of disadvantages in their wake. There were blood sacrifices every night, sacrifices made to the winged. Every winged needed a sacrifice, every night. Of course, the ones to be sacrificed were the accused, the people who had disrupted this perfect society with their crimes.

Emerald Hayden was a half-winged. She carried an angelic, beautiful appearance. Her green eyes were large and open to the world, welcoming conversation. Her hair was a warm brown color, the color of melted chocolate in the pot of a good chef. Her lips formed a perfect dainty smile, ever-pleasant and friendly.

Unfortunately, no wings braced Emerald’s back. She was forced to saunter through the same streets as the disgusting walkers, born to die. Most walkers carried disease and almost all of them were accused. They reeked of poison and unhappiness, and they had no aspirations for their futures.
That’s what Emerald had thought.

Dusk was her only winged friend. His eyes were a cool blue and his hair a creamy white. His skin was pasty and eatable. His wings, however, were by far his most striking feature. The feathers formed intricate patterns, almost like pictures, when he spread them out. They were beautiful, and they were the only things that set Dusk and her apart.

At night the two would sit atop the golden building, the only plated building in the entire city. He would take her by the hand and leap from the place unexpectedly, sending her heart racing. As they spread apart, only clasping fingers, it almost felt as if she had wings too. She wasn’t a walker up here. She was a winged.

In the daytime, though, Dusk was separated from her. He would go to his school, somewhere in the sky, and she would go to hers. There were no other half-winged in her school, which she felt was completely unfair. She had no friends here. She would simply sulk in the shadows of her classrooms, opening ancient text and praising the winged.

It was early December when her destiny changed paths. She was hungry, hungrier than she ever had been before. Dusk delivered food to her here and there, but it was against the order, and he was always afraid to be punished. Emerald would scream at him silently for being so foolish. The winged were never punished or accused, no matter what they did. Everyone knew that.

There was a food stall in the center of Emerald’s town. It taunted the villagers: it was covered in salted fish and meat. Delicious oysters and greenery presented themselves to the world. But no one could afford the stall-owner’s prices. No one would dare steal from the stall, though. Everyone who had attempted to was never seen again; accused and sacrificed.

It was late; almost her meeting time with Dusk, and Emerald was determined to take her share. She walked casually past the stall several times before producing a plan: she was to walk past as if heading for the library across the street, and take one of those delicious looking pieces of meat as she went. There it was, a flawless plan, and it would certainly put some good food into Emerald’s stomach.

She breathed deeply several times before beginning her walk across the block. The journey was slow and harrowing: each step felt like miles and miles. Suddenly, the stall was right beside her, and she snatched a piece of that thick red meat.
Her loose shirt became snagged.

Frantically, Emerald tugged at the fabric of her shirt, to no avail. It was obvious what she had been doing. Her fingers were tainted red with blood. She was doomed while she stood there, and eventually surrounded. The winged guards were the scariest winged Emerald had ever seen. Their wings were scarlet red, their faces dark and unforgiving. They never showed mercy, not to anyone.
Something burned her back: the mark of the accused.

“Bring her for blood sacrifice.” One of them declared before turning to her smugly. “Aren’t you happy, Emerald? You made it just in time.”

“Please, don’t do this.” She muttered, scared stiff.

“Oh, you know we always consider the requests of the accused.”

They never did, and Emerald knew it.

Slowly, she was dragged through the twisting roads and finally to the altar, the altar that told stories of death and destruction. It was the altar that people saw before they died, and everyone paid their final respects to the altar.

One of the winged stood before her, behind the majestic altar. “Emerald, you are hereby sentenced to death for your crime as an accused. Actions are decided based on the need to maintain a civil, perfect society. Would you like to meet the one who you will be sacrificed to?”

“Yes, I would.” She said. Why not? It would be the last person she would see, anyways.

Emerald lowered her head to the footsteps of her winged, and when she looked up she was staring into cool, elegant, beautiful blue eyes.


The author's comments:
Sometimes, you can never fit in.

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This article has 90 comments.


DanielM. said...
on Apr. 15 2012 at 10:38 am
I really liked your story. It was pretty intersting how you created your own world and it had this syfy feel to me. Great Job !!

GabbyLyn GOLD said...
on Apr. 15 2012 at 9:48 am
GabbyLyn GOLD, Hurdland, Missouri
10 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let your smile change the world, don't let the world change your smile.

Cool work!!

on Apr. 8 2012 at 6:22 pm
AddisonP. BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 10 comments
This is amazing. I love how you created an entire world of your own. I know that the best stories never have happy endings and this one proves my point! Great job!!!

on Apr. 5 2012 at 10:20 am
_ella_herondale BRONZE, San Diego, California
4 articles 2 photos 222 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...If the Thames that ran beside them...recalled a night where the moon shone as brightly as a shilling on the same boy and girl... and thought to themselves, 'at last, the wheel comes full circle,' they kept their silence."

haha. I do that all the time. I obsess with reading my work over and over and over out loud to catch words and cheeck fluency. Quality control, quality control! :) Still cant get over ur stry!

on Apr. 5 2012 at 10:14 am
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Ahh you're right it's hard to avoid reusing words to describe something.. even harder in a novel. Thanks for the feedback! (:

on Apr. 5 2012 at 10:09 am
_ella_herondale BRONZE, San Diego, California
4 articles 2 photos 222 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...If the Thames that ran beside them...recalled a night where the moon shone as brightly as a shilling on the same boy and girl... and thought to themselves, 'at last, the wheel comes full circle,' they kept their silence."

I loved the writing because it was comlicated and you created an entire world, all the characters, and a kind of furturistic/magical society. It twisted and turned, and sometimes my heart seriously just stopped. Seriously. I have one thing that would make it a little tiny bit better, although i am going to and do think that this is five stars, I think you should use bigger vocab, for example, beautiful was very frequent. OVERALL, it was BEAUTIFUL! :)

on Apr. 4 2012 at 11:32 pm
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Right, I wanted to make it a short story not a full length novel! Didn't want to get too into it yet=P Thanks for the feedback!

on Apr. 4 2012 at 4:13 pm
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE, Tampa, FL, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
Of this picture he's painting
God is God and I am man
I will never understand
Because only God is God

This was really good. I think you could have made it a little longer though so you could developed the characters and plot more. Overall I really enjoyed it. Great job!

-Nic


on Apr. 3 2012 at 1:02 pm
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

It's people like you that make me love writing! Thank you so much and I'll check out your work too!

on Apr. 2 2012 at 7:57 pm
Logan_Elizabeth28 BRONZE, Willard, Ohio
4 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Just Promise Me You'll Think Of Me Everytime You Look Up In The Sky And See A Star
-Eminem
"You're The Beautiful One, It's Society That's Ugly"
-Marilyn Monroe
"Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock!"
-The Big Bang Theory

This is a valuable piece of work. I honestly think that you have a career. This could make an excellent novel! even though i am not a big Sci-Fi fan, this makes me want to read more of this. Good Job and continue making excellent pieces

~Logan~


on Mar. 27 2012 at 2:00 pm
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Thank you so much for all the kind feedback (: People like you motivate me to keep writing. I'll consider making it a full length novel, though I hope dragging things out won't spoil the clarity of the story

TaurusGal GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 10:38 pm
TaurusGal GOLD, Hong Kong, Other
13 articles 25 photos 107 comments
This story is very creative.  Also, I love Angels, and you wrote them in a delicate and pretty way.  I think you can make a book out of it.  If I don't buy it, I'll regret.  I just love to know how Emerald and Dusk interact.  It's just exciting. =]"

on Mar. 24 2012 at 10:14 pm
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Thank you, and thanks for adding to favorites!! I love it when people like my work (: Commented on your poem and lovedd it

TaurusGal GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 1:39 am
TaurusGal GOLD, Hong Kong, Other
13 articles 25 photos 107 comments
Plus,,, please comment on my poem, "Misunderstanding" if you can, thank you so much =]

TaurusGal GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 1:38 am
TaurusGal GOLD, Hong Kong, Other
13 articles 25 photos 107 comments
I like Dusk, lol~~~

TaurusGal GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 1:38 am
TaurusGal GOLD, Hong Kong, Other
13 articles 25 photos 107 comments
I will buy the book for sure and ask my friends to buy it too. I really love it!!!!!!!

TaurusGal GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 1:37 am
TaurusGal GOLD, Hong Kong, Other
13 articles 25 photos 107 comments
Wow... It sounds like the winged men are angelic, I can imagine that. I think the storyline is perfect. Very well done!!! Bravo!!! This is one of my favourite work. Keep on writing. =]

on Mar. 18 2012 at 10:42 pm
tonia primo BRONZE, Colonia, Other
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
Awesome=D Keep writing!

Zero GOLD said...
on Mar. 17 2012 at 10:48 am
Zero GOLD, Langley, Washington
10 articles 0 photos 13 comments
That was really good! I loved the ending!

on Mar. 17 2012 at 10:34 am
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2206 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

Thanks :D That means a lot :)