My happiness | Teen Ink

My happiness

December 16, 2016
By alinebarton SILVER, Wasco, California
alinebarton SILVER, Wasco, California
6 articles 0 photos 10 comments

 Him. He was constantly on my mind. There wasn’t one day that went by that I didn’t think about him and honestly I did not mind the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. The reason why is because... I hated him. It was satisfying that my mind wandered to ways that I wanted to hurt him. Over the years I disliked him much more until it transformed into hatred. He humiliates me, picks on me, and he even thinks he can flirt with me to make it seem all better. I hate him more because I always end up forgiving him after. I have been nice to him enough to not hurt him physically or verbally, but why don’t I? After all the stuff he has done to me, I have enough self control to keep to myself maturely. Maybe it’s because we have known each other since the second grade and he is my neighbor who lives across the street from me. I don’t think that will end well. I think the reason why I think about him is because I constantly feel lonely and that I will never find happiness.

     I always thought what if I change my ways and hurt him verbally first to see his reaction. No! I can’t do that at all especially at school in front of people, even his friends. If I do it I will end up feeling guilty about it even if he is a rude guy. He is one of those popular guys who plays sports and is smart. To top it off he is so handsome! Back to the point, I never tried ignoring him and I should totally acknowledge that he doesn’t exists. That may work! Ha! That is my plan. I need some sleep. Goodnight.
     The Next Day.
     Ever since I have been ignoring him he has been acting different. He seems a little… mad, I guess that could be a word for it. The last two periods of class, which I have him in, have been a little awkward, but peaceful because he is actually leaving me alone. I walked home feeling relieved that he has been keeping his distance. You know what, I miss his little remarks and jokes already. Wait, what?! How can that be I hate the guy, but I’m kind of feeling lonely and I never felt lonely around him.. Uhh. I need to stop thinking about him in this way. I need to stop thinking about him at all. Ahead I see my house, thanks for my hard work of walking. I see someone on the porch on my porch swing. I can’t really see so I walk faster because usually my parents are at work at this time. Soon I get close enough to see it was… Him! What is he doing here? Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him. When I got on the porch I walked up to my door without looking at him and pretended he wasn’t there. “Jess” he said, I still didn’t answer him my plan will work. “Jess, look at me… please” he was pleading me, and wow that sounded really wrong coming from a guy who always has a smart mouth around me. I continued to unlock my door, but once I was about to walk inside I felt him grab my upper arm gently. “Look at me” he said again, but I had a hard time deciding to or not because I hated him and some other weird feelings I had that I didn’t know what it was for him. So you can say I had mixed feelings for him, but me not knowing what those feelings were. “I miss you” he says. Finally, once I looked I felt something on my lips that made me go in complete shock. After a few moments I realized he was kissing me… why? Soon my body reacted with kissing him back. I came back to my senses and pushed him off me. Once I did he just looked at me and said, “I’ve been waiting to do that for so long.” That finally made it clear to me that I was in love with him. That was the start of a new chapter in my life that completely change me forever. Him, Samuel, was the part i have been looking for to fill my other half.

He is my happiness.



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