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The air was cold, the night black. He could taste the salt water in his mouth. He gently pulled his sleeve down, more bruises and cuts from his abusive father like always. The wind picked up, as the waves crashed against the cliff’s bottom. He looked down as tears fell from his eyes. His feet moved him closer to the edge. Sobbing his last goodbyes, he jumped.
The pain crashed against him. He screamed in agony, but they only mixed in with the thunder. Waves rushed against him, pounding his already beaten body into the sharp rocks. Another wave crashed against him, this time, knocking him out.
His heart beat unsteady according to the heart monitor. His pale body scratched up from head to toe. His mother stood next to the bed, just staring at her son, pleading with God to let him live, to let him see the sun again. His father was sitting in a chair across the room looking bored with it all. The doctor walked in with the results, saying,
“Mr. and Mrs. Dagonal your son is lucky to be alive, the fall scratched him up, but luckily, none of his internal organs were damaged. He's broken some bones, but with time he should have a full recovery.”
The boy’s Mother smiled tears welling up in her eyes. She thanked the doctor and he left.
Six Months later
Jason sat on his bed, starring at the black walls he had just painted the week before. A smile crept on his lips. A knock came from his bedroom door.
“Come in.” He said standing up.
His mother walked in. She was wearing her work clothes, Black pants, and a elegant blue blouse, she was a therapist who helped psychotic people get on a better track to life. She was a good listener, and always had advice. He stared at his mother, thanking god silently that she had left that horrid man he called a father.
“How are you today?” She asked “You’re not very talkative.”
“I just haven’t been in a talkative mood, but I promise I’m getting better.” He said.
She nodded looking at his walls, sighing she walked out.
That night, Jason lay awake. His eyes begged for sleep, but his mind denied it. He thought about the past, like every other night. It seemed like it was haunting him, always nipping at his heels. After hours of looking at the full moon, the sun arose. He rubbed his dark eyes, and then got up from his bed. His long legs brought his body to the bathroom across the hall from his bedroom. He washed his face, and scrubbed his teeth clean. The reflection in the mirror revealed a pale 17 year old boy with shiny brown hair that would make its way into his eyes every so often. His full lips frowned at him, and his almost black eyes held a depth of sadness. Flicking his hair to the side, he dressed in black Levi’s and a red V-neck. As he slipped on his black converse, images started to clutter his head. Ones of his abusive father, of his horrid childhood, when he had no friends. Jason gasped and clutched his head, as it throbbed faster than his heart did. Gasping, he searched for his medication, not finding it, as the throbbing sped and the pain increased, he yelled in pain. His eyes popped open when his hand wrapped around the little orange bottle. Popping it open, he slid two dime sized capsules in his mouth and swallowed. They creped down his throat, threatening to stick to his throat until he washed them down with water from the bathroom sink. Breathing heavily, He sat on the toilet seat and rocked back and forth, telling himself it was okay now, though he knew it wasn’t, it was never okay.
Walking to school, he had his favorite song blasting in his ears. The rhythm of the rain patting on his shoulders made him smile. He loved the rain, the way it smelled, and the way it looked, even the way it fell from the dark clouds, and made the soft thump on the concrete. Sighing he made his way into the school’s entrance. The huge building stood over three stories, and had a brownish red color. He walked through the double doors making a mental note to himself about studying for a test. As he tried to keep his mind focused in class, he could slowly hear the clock ticking in his head, telling him his time was almost up. Jason squeezed his eyes shut and sighed.
At lunch he sat alone at the only available lunch table he saw. He ate his lunch in silence. This was his daily routine, even though he had a handful of friends, they had their own. He wasn’t an outcast; he just wasn’t fond of company sometimes. A presence disturbed his thoughts. He looked across from him and saw a girl with straight red hair that had lots of fringe in her bangs; He dark green eyes sparkled at him. Then she spoke.
"Uhm, Hi. My name is Allie, and I’m new. The office said they couldn’t get anyone to show my around. And I’m lost.”
Jason looked at her and said,
“And you decided to ask the weirdo sitting alone?”
“No. I asked the first person I saw but they just scoffed at me and walked away. I’ve probably asked 25 people so far. You’re the first boy.”
“That explains it then.” He said with a smile.
Her cheeks began to brighten and she shrugged.
“So, is that a yes?”
He nodded, and rose to throw his trash away.
Two Weeks Later.
The encounter with Allie had thrown him off, His whole mood, everything. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, the way her naturally dark red hair shined in the sun, the way her dark green eyes shined in his. And how her body fit exact with his when they hugged. He was in his room, when his phone buzzed on the table next to his bed. He slowly smiled, seeing it was from Allie.
Wanna hang out?
He replied with a yes. And they met up at a park nearby his house. She arrived wearing bright blue skinny jeans and a band tee shirt under her sweater.
"Hey," She said hugging him.
He smiled and said, "Hey. So what’s up?"
She looked down a moment then back up and he could see her cheeks start to brighten.
"Uhm. Well After class Friday, Shane came up to me and kissed my cheek. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend"
Jason's smile was a complete frown, He looked at the ground a moment before saying,
"Oh, well Shanes' a nice guy,-" She cut him off.
"I didn't say yes."
A surprised look formed on his face.
She smiled and stepped closer to Jason. Grabbing his hand with hers she said,
"Because I like someone else."
Before he could stop himself he said,
She giggled. “You silly!"
Then her face fell, and she let go of his hand.
"It's okay if you don’t like me back,-"
Jason's lips cut her off. His arms pulled her closer and he felt her smile. Jason knew This would only last a while, He had never been good with romances, and since he was psychotic, it was hard for girls to like him. He had the looks, just not the emotions sometimes. She pulled away and smiled up at him.
"What was that for?" She asked surprised.
Jason smiled and shrugged.
"I didn’t want you thinking that I didn’t like you."
She grinned at him. He frowned a bit.
"I think I should tell you about my past a bit before anything else."
She nodded and they sat on the swings. He started off with his childhood, and when his imaganeary friends became mean voices in his head that wouldn't shut up, And when they got agressave each night, his mother and father took him to see a doctor, He told her how they said he was crazy, and how there was no hope for him. He described the feelings his medication gave him, how he was sad all the time, and had no friends because it would make him cry.
"It was like it was controlling me," he said.
Then he told her when his father got violent.
"I remember it like a dream I wanted to wake up from. I was in 6th grade, and it was a bright sunny day. I was in my room, crying because the pills the doctors gave me made my head hurt. My dad came in and told me to shut up and be a man. When I wouldn't he yelled and slapped me, saying 'there's something to cry about.' When I told my mom, she didn’t believe me. When I wouldn’t take my medication, he would shove them down my throat. Then my doctor gave me pills that didn’t make my head hurt, but i still heard the voices, I even saw strange figures everywhere. When my dad came to tell me dinner was ready one night, I thought he was one of those scary figures, and the voices told me gruesome stories they made up about him, I got up and started hitting him. Yelling at him to go away. My dad picked me up by my arms and threw me against the wall, I hit my head, but he came over to me and just started hitting, putting bruises all over my body." he paused and looked at Allie who was teary eyed.
"Five years. That’s how long I got beat before I tried to commit suicide. Jumped off the cliff at the edge of town after my dad beat me pretty bad, and said a lot of hurtful stuff. It's pretty painful, crashing into the rocks. I don’t even remember how I got out of them. I woke up in the hospital a week later. Mom told me she left my dad and that we were safe. I haven't seen or heard from him since. Sometimes I get crazy nightmares. They make my head hurt. It's like, having a hammer hit against it, over and over again. I take Medication that stops the voices, and the headaches. I take about five or six pills before school and four before I go to bed. I've gotten used to it, but I do have psychotic break downs here and there."
Jason looked at Allie and saw the tears streaming down her face. He whipped them away with his thumb. She hugged him tightly.
"I'm so sorry!" She sobbed into his neck.
He pulled away and put his hands on her shoulders.
"It's okay." He smiled.
"I'll never be completely cured from it, but I can at least subside the symptoms with my medication."
He smiled at her, she just hugged him again.
The light in the sky began to darken, and Jason walked Allie home. She tightly grasped his hand, as if he would float away at any moment. When they arrived at her house, Jason looked at it. It looked like it had two floors, and was light blue, with a red door and steps. The roof was light grey, and four windows where in the front, all framed with white paint. She looked up and smiled at him. He kissed her forehead.
"I don’t want you to leave." She whispered.
"Why?" He said in puzzlement.
She bit her lip and spoke softly looking at the pavement beneath their feet.
"They always fight. My mom and her boyfriend. Always yell. He's never hit me, but what he says." She grimaced.
Jason pulled her to him, and smoothed her hair with his hand. She sighed.
"I'll see you tomorrow." She said pulling away.
He smiled. "Trying to get rid of me?" He raised his eyebrows.
She gave him a small smile.
"I'll stay a while; I just have to talk to my mom."
Allie's smile grew.
Jason called his mom and told her he wouldn't be home till late.
"Are you staying over?" She asked worried.
"No, and don’t sound so worried mom. I'll be fine."
"I know, I just. Just call me if you need a ride home." she said.
"I will." Jason said.
"Okay love you bye."
"Love you too, mom. Bye."
He hung up and looked at Allie who was giggling.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing, your just nice to your mom is all. It’s cute."
She grabbed his hand and led him to the front door. Opening it, they walked in. A woman in her late thirties was sitting at a desk typing. She looked up, and her dark green eyes had a questioning look. She smiled.
"Hello Allie, Who's your friend?" she asked.
Allie let go of Jason's hand and said,
"Mom this is Jason."
Allie's mom smiled and stood up, walking over to them she put her faded red hair into a bun. Holding out her hand to Jason She said,
"Hello, I'm Christina."
Jason grabbed her thin hand and nodded. Allie smiled and said,
"Is Bryson home?"
Christina shook her head.
"No, he got stuck at the office, won’t be for a couple of hours or so."
Allie nodded, and said they were going to her room. When they went up the stairs Jason glanced back and Christina was glaring at him. Allie stopped at a door different from all the others, which were white. This one was pure black. She turned the knob and stepped into the room. He followed. When she turned the light on. The room turned out to be a maroon color. With hand prints on the ceiling, and zebra stripes on one wall, on the other three where just the plain maroon color, with posters of bands. He guessed it was Allie's. She smiled at him.
"Your room is pretty epic." He said smiling. “I’m jealous."
She sat on her bed, which had a blood red comforter, and black pillows, He sat next to her.
"Are we, together?" She said with pauses.
He looked at her and touched her hand.
"I want to be with you. The question is: Do you want to be with me?"
She looked at him and smiled.
"I've never wanted anything more."
He smiled and kissed her lips passionately. They pulled apart at the same time. She plugged her IPod into her speakers and let music fill the room. Jason laid on her bed. Allie laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart while Jason Mraz sang I'm yours. They both ended up falling asleep.
The breeze blew his face as the waves crashed against the rocks below. His feet moved closer and closer to the edge. His heart fluttered in his chest when her voice spoke.
He didn’t listen as the tears streamed his face. Arms grabbed him from behind. She hugged him from behind. Begging him to stay with her. His eyes were glued to the water below. The sparkling blue. It whispered his name. And just like that, he was falling again, into an abyss of emptiness. The sharp, jagged rocks below, turned into teeth as they crunched his body to pieces, leaving nothing.
Jason gasped, and sat up, sweat streaming his forehead. The clock on Allie's side table said it was 3a.m. He wiped his forehead. Allie was under the covers beside him, dressed in shorts and a tank top. Even in just his boxers, it felt like a hundred degrees. He rubbed his head. The pounding started. He got up and went to the bathroom attached to Allie's bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face. He knew he had to go home. He needed his medication to stop the headaches. He turned off the light and walked back to the bed. Allie's hair was a mess; her face was flawless, even without make-up. Ignoring the voice telling him to go home. He found himself climbing into bed next to Allie, and falling asleep.
I woke up to Jason’s soft snores. His face was practically smashed into the pillow beside me. I smiled. He was so...Perfect. His smile, the way he walked into a room, how we fit perfectly together when he hugged me. I smoothed his dark hair with my hand, slowly His black eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me.
“Good morning gorgeous.” I said kissing his forehead.
He smiled at me and stretched his muscles. Sighing he sat up.
“How did you sleep?” I asked, hoping I didn’t toss and turn.
He replied with “I slept great, only a couple of nightmares, but that’s normal.”
I frowned. He was just so strong. He saw the look on my face and took my hand in his.
“How bout some breakfast?” He suggested.
Looking at the time I saw it was 10 a.m. mom was at work by now, and Bryson wouldn’t be home till four. I nodded in agreement, and got up to make some pancakes. He followed me into the kitchen, and I felt his eyes on me while I made pancakes. I mixed the batter together, and heated up the skillet. After I finished making the batter, I poured it onto the skillet. When I looked at Jason, His face was blank, and he was starring off into the distance. I waved my hand in front of his face. He still didn't look at me. I touched his face; he flinched and moved away from me.
He watched her make pancakes, the way her body moved at a graceful pace, It made him smile. Then his mind started to wonder.
"She doesn't love you." The voices screeched inside his skull.
Jason ignored them. He could feel the throbbing in his head begin to start. Is eyes blurred and he rubbed them, His mind sent him false images of the world; they told him that Allie was a lie. Jason couldn’t move, he froze. She's not real? He thought. What if she doesn’t love me? He heard her voice.
"Jason?" She said worried.
No! His mind screamed. She touched his face. Jason quickly reacted as if his dad had just hit him. He jumped off the bar stool his was sitting on and backed away from her. His heart was beating at a faster rate than normal. He could feel the sweat on his face. Allie looked at him.
"Jason? W-what’s wrong?" She stuttered.
Jason wiped the sweat from his face and took her hand in his.
"For a moment, I didn’t think your where real." He said.
She gave him a small smile.
"Well I’m as real as you."
He nodded then said, "I need to call my mom. I need my pills."
"Okay, I understand."
He kissed her cheek, and ran to call his mother. Passing different doors. When he found Allies' he walked in and found his pants on the ground. He found his phone in one of the pockets and quickly dialed his mother’s number. It rang three times before his mother's voice was in his ear.
"Jason Lukas Dagonal! You where supposed to call me to come get you! I asked you if you were staying the night, and you said you weren’t going to stay the night!-"
He interrupted his mother’s rant,
"Mom, I know. I'm sorry. I just need my pills okay?"
He heard his mother sigh as she said okay.
"Thanks mom. Love you."
She mumbled a 'love you too.' Jason told her the directions then hung up his phone, and pulled on his pants, and then he slid his shirt over his chest. When he had finished putting his shoes on he walked down stairs to see Allie smiling.
"I'm sorry." He said looking down.
Allie hugged him tight and said,
"Don't be sorry, it’s not your fault you need medication."
She looked up and kissed his lips tenderly. He encircled her with his arms.
"I love you." She whisperd.
Jason went to respond, but his lips wouldn't move.
"I love you too." He said, but only his mouth moved, no words came out.
"Lies!" The evil voice screeched in his head. Jason could feel himself being ripped from Allie. She cried out in pain, but Jason couldn’t do anything. His body was flung at the wall. He cried out in pain as he watched Allie fade, more and more. Jason screemed, but she fadded, untill she was gone.
Jason's heart pumped, as he felt the tears streaming down his face. Another nightmare. He could feel his mind racing, but he couldnt wake up. A coldness spashed on his face, but he stayed in his dark world. Voices screemed at him. Jason felt his body spasm. He wanted to scream, to wake up. He wanted Allie, to hold her, kiss her soft lips, he wanted to cry.
Jason?! Wake up!" she screamed at her son. His body didn't respond. She started crying as she splashed cold water on him. Still nothing. Lillian reached over to Jason's night stand and picked up his phone, Her hands shook as she dialed 911.
"Hello, 911 wha-"
"My son! He won’t wake up! I've spalshed cold water on him, and he's still unconsious."
Tears streamed her face as the operator told her they had an abulance on the way. She hung up. Jason still lay not waking. She could see wetness on his face. He was crying. It took 15 minutes for the ambulece to get to her house. And there she was again, waiting for answers that wearn't received, waiting for doctors that never arrived, waiting. Tears streamed steadily down her bright cheeks untill one of the nurses finally called her name.
She picked her head up from her hands and sniffled.
"Yes, thats me. How is my son?! whats going on? I haven't been told-" The nurse cut her off.
"Mrs. Dagonal, I'm so sorry, but it looks like your son, Well, he died in his sleep, meaning his heart stopped beating. His brain was working though, processing images. It was like he died in a dream, so to speak. I'm so very sorry."
Mrs. Dagonal sobbed into the nurse’s shoulder.
"No!" She cried. “I saw him not 12 hours ago, he was, was fine!"
The nurse held Mrs. Dagonal by the shoulders, saying,
"Mrs. Dagonal, Your son had a spasm attack when he was asleep, and since he was so deep in his sleep, no one could have done anything about it. He wasn't in pain when he went. He seemed at peace. We tried everything to try and get his heart to beat again. But as I've said before, I'm so sorry for your loss. You can see him if you'd like."
She nodded to the nurse, and was shown to her son's room. He lay there, under the thin white sheet, not breathing, his body was still. Lillian walked over to him and put her hand on his chest. Nothing. No heartbeat, no warmth. Her tears fell onto the sheet. She moved it back from his face revealing his handsome features. She let out a quiet sob when she saw his mouth. He was smiling.