The Puppet Master

Her laugh finally broke the oppressing silence between us.
Are you friggin kidding me?! This is the best excuse you could come up with to break up with me? Come on man, be honest. Why?
The problem with this question was that I had been honest. I had told her everything! My sweet Emalene, usually so gullible, did not believe me the one time it mattered most. I think this is when I started regretting most not telling her the truth back in November, when I first had my suspicions. But no, of course I had to let this all drag on until now! Valentine’s Day, the worst time to tell a girl, your girlfriend just to make matters worse, that you’re not into her anymore. Or anybody for that matter. Well, nobody like her anyways...
Ema, I’m not making an excuse to break up with you. Please trust me on this. If I could tell you something different, I gladly would, but I can’t. I love you Ema, these have been the best three years of my life so far, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this anymore and I don’t want to make you live a lie. My lie. I’m so sorry...
Nope, scratch that, this is when I started regretting it the most. Next thing I knew, she was crying frantically. Oh man, why did I have to do this over the phone?! I seriously should have waited until tomorrow to tell her, or maybe even another week! At least if I was there with her, I could physically comfort her right now, give her a hug and wipe away those tears. This was a lot harder than I had thought it would be!
Jaedin, why couldn’t you have told me this earlier? Before you spent the night yesterday I mean, huh? How long have you known this? Oh God, What have I done; what have I gotten myself into again? Jae, please tell me you’re lying and that this is all just one really bad joke! Please tell me you’re lying!

I’m so sorry Ema, I wish I could tell you that I am. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you this for months –

Wait a minute here, “MONTHS”?! Did I just hear that correctly? You’ve been hiding this from me for MONTHS?! God Jaedin, you are one lucky son of a- one lucky guy that you’re not in front of me right now. I swear I could just slap you right now! Ugh, you disgust me!
Now she was just downright angry and for a good reason at that. If I were standing next to her right this moment, I have no doubt that I would not only be sporting her latest ring, imprinted somewhere on my left cheek, but I would also more than likely be missing a few chunks of hair too. I could just imagine her now: standing 5’4 in her little black high heeled boots, her light blue, faded and ripped old skinny jeans tucked up in the top of them. Because it’s Valentine’s Day, she would be wearing that red knit sweater I had gotten her for Christmas; the one that crossed over at the chest and had a large matching red ribbon around the waist that she could tie up in a bow at the back. This would set off the beautiful copper-ish red natural highlights in her hair that would more than likely be tumbling in luscious waves down her back. By now, her makeup would have smeared around her eyes and her cheeks would be flushed pink with anger;hatred too. Emalene had a particular way of looking at people; her eyes could tell you a whole story if you let them. Right this second, they would be the reason why somebody first came up with the expression “If looks could kill”.
And I deserve it too. Tomorrow, when we get to school, you can do that if you like, I won’t even try stopping you. I’m so, so sorry Ema, I never meant to hurt you. I love you, I always will love you, just not like a girlfriend. More like a best friend or a sister, you know?

Of course you couldn’t love me otherwise: you love boys better than girls anyways! Jae, I love you too and that’s not going to change, but why you didn’t tell me that you’re gay the moment you found out is simply beyond me! I am furious right now! And hurt and betrayed like I’ve never been betrayed before! And damn right you’re getting a slap in the face tomorrow! How did you find out?

Well do you remember that time I stayed over at Kingsley’s for the first time in November? I told you we had gotten drunk but I didn’t tell you that he kissed me, and that I liked it. And, well, I’ve seen him a few times since and you know, things happen.

So now you’re telling me that you were cheating on me all this time and I didn’t even know it? Well I guess while we’re confessing these kinds of things: I slept with your brother last month.

Click. The sound was final. As if! Now it was my turn to be floored. Why would she have slept with my brother if she was still with me? And why wouldn’t Malone have told me this? And most of all, why was she mad at me for being into boys if she was into my twin brother?! This girl, that’s why I was attracted to her in the first place. There’s a sense of mystery that just lingers around her, always bringing up new questions and showing different sides of her personality that you never even knew were possible to possess. One minute she would be so sensitive, beautiful in her delicate vulnerability. Next thing you knew, she was wrenching out your heart, ripping it to shreds and feeding it to your twin brother. She could make you feel like you were on top of the world, right before beating you so low, you wouldn’t even dare look up from the dirty ground she had stomped you in. It’s crazy how she could manipulate your feelings, almost as if she were a puppet master holding the strings to your feelings. Making them jerk around and dance as she pleased. My sweet Emalene, what had I gotten myself into?

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angel_of_silence said...
Dec. 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm
one word, or rather two: freakin terrific
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