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By my mirror I stare. “I am not ugly,” I say. I have nice cheekbones, with a touch of freckles. My eyes are brown and very dark hair, so my dad and mom say. When I smile I look pretty. Why is it though that I can’t show this personality in school? Yet, I am beautiful. Another day ahead of me.
I wake up, finally at 6:00 a.m. Finally early enough to take a shower and get properly ready, without rushing. I take a shower, dry my hair, put on my mascara and another day to school.
I am in school. I enter the school. Not too big, but just right enough I see my friends or are they. They never seem to call for me. I go by the library and talk to the librarian. I love books especially horror, and of course romance. I am a sucker. Well, her I go into 1st period.
There he is, sitting in his desk like always. Every time I enter this room my eyes have a mind of their own. My eyes fall upon him. Honestly, I don’t know what I see in him. Not that he is ugly. He is most definitely not ugly, but I just cannot forget him. Since the first time I saw him, back when I was a mere “freshy.” Now we are juniors. I just can’t seem to get over him. He is tall, not buff, but strongly built, just like a soccer player. Yes, he plays soccer. Oh! How I love that! I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. It’s been three years and I still fall for him. I have realized, though, that fairytales do not exist. He hates me, or at least that is what it seems. We rarely talk. I feel so shy and out of place with him. I am a very comfortable person, but with him it is different. He casts a spell upon me. Making me fall head-over-heels, literally! He is so perfect.
Today I finally made up my mind. I will tell him how I feel. What is the worst that can happen? Him saying, “No,” or that I am ugly. Worst case scenario, embarrassment, but life is full of embarrassing moments. For example, that time I peed in 1st grade! Oh! How it was awful. So, “judge not those who try and fail, but those who fail to try,” a quote I read. This is why I will tell him how I fell. So, wish me luck here I go.
He is there alone. It is ironic. He is always with friends. Rarely alone. My heart is pounding. I break a nervous sweat. Are my cheeks blushing? I don’t know. Who cares? Our eyes meet from far away. Oh! My heart skips. I think I am going to melt and fall. My heart…it is beating so fast I wonder if everyone can hear it. I reach him.
“Hey,” I say. “Hey,” he says. “What are you doing?” “Nothing. Just here.” “Can I talk to you?” “Sure, wassup.” “Well. It’s kinda awkward and it was a really hard decision, but here it goes. I ….I…I think, no I know I like you, a lot.” A smile crosses his face. Was this a good sign? Hands in his pocket he says, “Wow. I don’t know what to say. I am sorry, but I don’t think the feeling is mutual,” he says softly out of those red lips. “Huh,” I say, not quite understanding. Michael comes from behind and shouts, “Hey dude did you ask Beth here if she could hook you up with her friend, Audrey?” Silence goes for a few seconds, until I crack a smile. Inside I am dying. Oh! I did not know my heart could hurt so much, just as leap so much! “My friend Audrey? Yeah, sure why not? I think you’d make a great couple!” I beam. I can see his startled face. Did he think I was going to make a spectacle and cry? No, I’ve been taught better. I can handle myself. “I..I.. Beth, no, you don’t have to.” “No, really it is no problem. I shall do it. Although I do think you are a wimp for not telling her yourself. You need guts. Some of us have it, but I’ll do it.” “Beth” he starts. “No, I’ll do it. In fact right now.”
I walked glumly back into the school. Laughing ate the irony. Here I was, desiring true love or maybe just a fairy tale and there was Audrey sucking face with a guy she did not even know. Go figure.
I look up to the sun. It hurts and I Laugh. There’s Audrey. I guess I should tell her. “Hey Audrey. Scott thinks you are hot!” “Really, well I think I’ll go find him!” I watch her run in her skimpy clothes and outrageously high-heels. I round the corner to go home. There they are, sucking face. Audrey and Scott. It hurts, but why? Like the quote says, “If it was meant to be hell come back. If he does not, then it was never yours” or something like that. My eyes burn. I realize this too late. I shed a tear.
I see her. She was just laughing a moment ago. Her eyes are the loveliest brown. Her hair is long and dark. The tear comes down as a pearl. It glistens against her skin, which is covered by a touch of freckles. I want to go to her, but what if she thinks I am a psycho, better not risk it.
My hart has fallen. Why does it hurt? I don’t wanna cry!! I don’t wanna. I need to scream, let it all out. I will die if I don’t. I stand still. Inhaling and exhaling. I have to calm down. Once again I look at the sun and crack a smile. Yes, because it hurt to see the sun! I walk. I can still save my first kiss for someone else! I walk back home. Listening to, “I’m walking on Sunshine.” I love this song. I sing to it and dance. I don’t care who sees.
Now I am impressed. She can dance and sing. Her long hair sways with her body and that smile how it makes me melt. I will go up to her..Yes. What is the worst that can happen? She can say no or say, “You’re ugly,” I doubt she would say that, though. Worst case scenario, embarrassment. It is time, “I will go. Judge not those who try and fail, but those who fail to try.” Here I go, wish me luck.
I feel strange. So, I turn. I am flabbergasted. There is this boy behind me. So, I smile and turn, but he stops me. I take my headphones off. “Hey, sorry did I scare you.” “NO, you didn’t”. “Oh well. I am sorry.” I laugh. “No need to apologize.” “I was wondering. I am new here would you mind showing me around?” “Sure. I’ll just drop off my stuff. Come with me.”
Wow. She is beautiful. She smiles. I don’t think I blushed. Her hair is so long and up close I can see her freckles. She has some mascara under her eye. Should I tell her? I just want touch her skin.
Wow. Hottie. First thing in my mind. NO, I am not shallow, I just appreciate good looks. Well. First of all, his accent. It caught me off guard. Oh! I am a sucker form accents especially French, like his!!! Oh! Why is he staring at my eyes so intently? Ah! My mascara! Oh well. I’ll take care of it when I get home.
“So, where are you from, Leo?” “Well, here, there, nowhere, everywhere…” We both crack up. “no, I am form Mexico, but spent my 16 years of life in France.” I scream. “Sorry. I just knew that accent would not be fake!” “ Yeah, it’s not….” He hesitates. “Wait” “yeah…” I start. “You have something in your eye.” “Oh, thank you” “Here I’ll get it for you.” Our eyes meet. My whole body was overwhelmed with his smell, touch, and intense look. Ay! I thought.
Our first date, well it was not a date. We just went to the park and stretched out on the ground. We looked up at the stars, counting them, but we never finished. Ironic, huh? Well, there we were. I was thinking how wonderful this was, but I did not want to ruin it by saying how much I loved him. So, I said nothing. I just laid there. I did not fail. I just simply let it be.
There we were. Her hair blowing. Her eyes darting side-to-side trying to count all the stars. Impossible.. How could I tell her I loved her? She might say no, but I would tell her through dance. I would tell her I loved her.
“What are you doing?” she said. “We are going to dance,” I said. “What are you crazy?” she said. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” We both cracked up. “Come dance with me. I know you can. Remember the day we met. You can dance and sing! Come on.” “Ok, but there is no music!” she whined. “I have my cellphone.”
“Every breath you take. Every step you take,” blared out. I took her shaking hand into mine. Our fingers intertwined. I took the small of her back and pushed her into me. She was nervous I could tell. Her body tensed up. “Relax,” I said. She smiled and relaxed.
He took my hand. It was shaking furiously. Then he took the small of my back. He pushed me into him. Oh! He smelled delicious. His strong hand, fingers enlaced onto mine. It was beautiful. I was so nervous. He said, “Relax” and so I did. I could feel his breath. It was deep. I could hear his heart. It pounded so loud, just like mine. He twisted me around, lifted me, and twisted me one more time. I grinned and he grinned back. Our bodies connected into one. The song stopped. We both breathed heavily. His eyes on mine. He held me tighter and closer. My heart beat. My breath was slow and deep. I let him hold me tighter. I loved his smell. He brought our hands together and gently kissed each finger. I felt like melting. Oh! Soft lips made me melt. I looked deep into his eyes and smiled, like never before. He laughed and I hugged him. My lips fell upon his neck hallow. I kissed him and stepped back. He had a cocky grin then he pushed me to the ground and tickled me! I could not stop laughing. “Stop. I will pee.” I shouted. He stopped. We stretched out next to each other and he enlaced his fingers into mine. He said to me, “Look up to the sky.” “Why?” I replied. “You see all of those stars?” he whispered. “Yeah,” I responded. He said, “Well, those stars times infinity to the infinity power of infinity, infinity times and my love is still greater.” I looked at him. “I love you Beth,” he said. I could not say anything. My heart stopped, leaped, jumped. I took his hand and put it on my heart and said, “Well, what you said infinity times infinity, from here till Pluto and infinity times that and my love is still greater. I love you Leo,” I said. My tear dropped this time out of happiness and not of a broken heart. He leaned into me. I leaned into him. He caressed my cheek, then my lips, and finally my neck. “You hair is so dark and beautiful.” He kissed my neck hallow. I kissed his cheek. He stared at me so intently and I took his hands. I kissed every finger. Finally, he took my face into his hands said, “I love you,” and kissed me ever so gently and softly on the lips. I responded. I took his fingers and intertwined them into mine. My hand traveled from his back, slowly tracing his spinal cord until I reached his neck. He kissed me so gently, I melted. His smell was enthralling. There under the stars, they were witnesses. I found my true love and I my first kiss. I am delighted. My first kiss was worth saving. I believe in fairy tales because I am living one. Leo pulled me away took me into his arms twirled me around, shot me up the sky and together we shouted, under the starry night, “I Love you.” Sealed with a kiss.