Red as Coals, Black as Night Prologue | Teen Ink

Red as Coals, Black as Night Prologue

June 1, 2010
By OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch


Her feet pounded the streets made of the wide, aqua blue and purple rocks Afalia was famous for. As her urgent footsteps echoed around the narrow alley, she couldn’t have cared less about the beautiful rocks. She couldn’t care about anything but the nearly invisible sound of her pursuer’s footsteps, unheard unless you knew they were there.
As she rounded the corner, her heart stopped. She had come to a dead end. On her left and right were houses, in front of her was an immense, blue stone wall, at least twenty feet high, and behind her was the narrow alley her pursuer walked down calmly at that very moment.
She looked around frantically. There was nothing, nothing to move. The small corner was spotlessly clean and hopelessly empty, except for a few giant rats hiding in the shadows.
Then, all of a sudden, he was there. The man who had chased her all the way from the main square, six miles from here.
But was he a man? He was a giant, around nine feet tall. His entire body was covered by billowing robes. A large cowl obscured his face. But as she stared intently at his shadowed head, she saw something. Glowing like the brightest coals in a high-burning fire, pure red eyes shone through the blackness. They were so unerringly red, so impossibly bright…And then something else glinted in the darkness, something silver. A silver dagger with a beautiful, shining black hilt with a large sapphire embedded in it. He tilted the dagger so the waning, red and orange light glinted off the blade.
She screeched, eyes widening in terror. “What are you?” she cried hoarsely. The creature was advancing quickly. As a surge of fear swept through her, it occurred to her to try to move the rats. Suddenly, she felt a sharp, biting pain in her neck, and her vision began to grow hazy. Through the fog she saw three of the cat-sized rats flying at the creature, spitting their rage. It snapped its neck toward the rats and suddenly, they fell to the ground, mildly stunned. Once they had recovered, they scurried into the shadows. The shadows…
Cold breath, smelling of mint, meat, and smoke stung her burning cheek. His lips were mere inches from her ear. “Sorry ma’am,” he murmured, “Just doing my job.” And then, Ojilia passed into the peaceful oblivion of death.


The author's comments:
The prologue itself is not romance, but the story it is a prologue for is, so I categorized it as that.

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This article has 87 comments.


on Sep. 6 2010 at 5:46 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thank you! I"m glad you like it.

on Sep. 6 2010 at 5:31 pm
iluvnacho PLATINUM, Somewhere, Colorado
28 articles 1 photo 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Find the beauty in the ugly\"-Jason Mraz 5-19-10
\"Be kinder than nessicary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.\" Unknown 11-29-10

ohhh! ohh! This is wonderful. I was hesitant to read another romance, even though you said this piece wasn't ramantic. but still, It makes me want to read much much more! Ohh im like excited to read the rest! keep writing, cuz you got talent.

on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:04 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

on Aug. 27 2010 at 8:57 pm
Stormythrone BRONZE, Anchorage, Alaska
4 articles 19 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is good or bad. Its thinking that makes it so. -Benjamin Franklin

Nice :) Not my style, but really well written! Keep on writing!

on Aug. 26 2010 at 7:42 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Yes, it is Jose. And as mentioned in Chapter 2, she spotted him, which almost never happened, and he ran, but since he was around people he had to stay at a semi-normal pace. Until there were no more people around.

on Aug. 26 2010 at 6:39 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Was this Jose killing the girl or another Shanese?  I read the rest of the story before this, but now I'm confused!!!  I thought Jose didn't like to make the girls struggle before they died- so then why did he chase her six miles before he killed her?  Like with all of his powers couldn't he have just done away with her quickly?

on Aug. 17 2010 at 7:40 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

KatB14 SILVER said...
on Aug. 17 2010 at 7:23 pm
KatB14 SILVER, Chesapeake, Virginia
8 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't always get the waterfall short-cut in Mario-Kart. That's life."-I.P.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love." -Hamlet

This was very interesting the whole time! totally sucked me in, i would buy it :)

on Aug. 16 2010 at 4:16 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

Aro13 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 16 2010 at 1:34 pm
Aro13 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't worry about your background whether its odd or ordinary, use it, build on it" Gloria Steinem

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Leo Tolstoy

really great i can't wait to keep reading the rest of the novel

you have such interesting description and really make the story come to life


on Aug. 5 2010 at 8:35 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Haha thanks April:D

on Aug. 5 2010 at 8:34 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks:DD 

AniJulia said...
on Aug. 4 2010 at 7:30 pm
AniJulia, Dollard-Des-Ormeaux, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
You make the bed that you lay on.

Lex, there is no doubt you rock at writing descriptions! I'm more into poetry so I can't really give you a critic and stuff. Keep 'em comin'!

on Aug. 2 2010 at 10:19 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D 

Birder SILVER said...
on Aug. 2 2010 at 10:15 am
Birder SILVER, Waterboro, Maine
6 articles 22 photos 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless they do unto you first, then open a can of unto on to them."

"Obey the ninja."

"What's that? And why does it say snickle tickle?"

This is really good! I really like the use of  vocabulary, and the names you use are really cool. Great job!!

 


on Aug. 1 2010 at 1:41 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

on Aug. 1 2010 at 1:38 pm
EmIsHere BRONZE, Littleton, Colorado
4 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
What we do in life echoes in eternity.

I like the description of it. The girls fear, panic, and the giant. It all tied in. It makes me want to read what's next.  

on Jul. 29 2010 at 10:20 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks!  The moving fast thing, the prologue is supposed to be short and grab the attention.  The girl character isn't important, so her dying also wasn't that important.

on Jul. 29 2010 at 10:19 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Thanks! :D

on Jul. 29 2010 at 10:03 pm
GreenEyedGirl15 BRONZE, Derby, Kansas
4 articles 0 photos 95 comments
This is a very interesting idea so far. It makes me want to read more, and the words you use help to make it real. The story did seem to move a little quickly, but overall this was REALLY GOOD. Keep it up! Can't wait to read more!


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