In the end | Teen Ink

In the end

March 3, 2010
By JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

The beginning of my ending was on January the 1st of 2009. The day was beautiful. The sky was bright blue, although it was the coldest day of winter. I shut the door of my grandma’s cabin quietly, and walked calmly towards the lake. We were spending the Christmas holidays on my grandmother’s cabin in Lake George, four hours from New York, where we live. It’s pretty peaceful here, but mom and dad were fighting, Kevin was in his laptop so I decided to go to the lake. As I walked through the small town memories of my childhood here flashed before my eyes, I was always the quiet kid at school, nice and not hated but either way, people prefer not to get to close. Till the day I was still quiet and shy, never telling people my opinion and just following orders, floating through life. The lake had something like a pier, where people can get into their boats. I walked up the pier looking up the sky and gripped the book I was holding tighter. Sitting down I spread myself on the weak unkempt wooden floor, and started reading. The cold never bothered me, neither did the silence. I worshipped silence really, a thing when you’re a loner. One other thing when you’re a loner, you tend to read a lot. The book was good enough that I didn’t see time pass by, when I looked up again it was twilight and I had to go. So I stood up slowly, and stretched, my body was kind of stiff from being in the same uncomfortable position for so long. When I stepped forward to bend my knee and stretch my leg the wooden floor broke under it’s weight. The leg that got stuck on the wooden floor starts slipping through it into the water, as a result I trip forward and hit my head. The world is spinning faster than it already was. Confusing and strange. My leg is in the whole that broke in the floor and the water is freezing, my teeth chatter loudly. I kick furiously trying to get it off the whole but it only worsens the situation the wood starts breaking further the whole getting bigger, soon my other leg is in the water, my belly than my waist. The water is deep, and I can’t reach the ground. I think the worst part was freezing, it hurt like hell, and after two mintues I couldn’t feel the part of me that was in water properly, it felt heavy and stiff, the wet thick clothes didn’t help, I couldn’t push with my arms because otherwise the rest of the floor would fall, I cried and cried, screaming for help. But it never came. After ten minutes I panicked further and tried pushing myself up, as expected the rest of the floor broke and I was completely surrounded by dark icy waters, I couldn’t see anything inside the water and when I tried to breathe water filled my lungs, I tried to choke it out, and more water came in, I swam furiously, because I couldn’t see my rib hit the wooden bean that held the pier up, my numb but hurting freezing body hurt deeper now, slowly I drifted away, like going to sleep. I saw it, my whole life crossed my eyes. The life I had never given any value the life I had floated through drifting away, my eyes closing I saw a promising light. It radiated, love and happiness and everything good in this world. I smiled faintly reaching towards it, finally the pain was gone. Everything was gone. The beginning of my ending started.
* * * *

A blistering sun in winter isn’t very common. I rolled over, eyes still closed, in my bed looking for my glasses, which I only use when I am not with contacts. But there’s one problem, beneath me there is no bed. Beside me the is no bedside table with a lamp, a book and my glasses. I open my eyes. I’m lying in a bed of yellow poppies. The place was amazing. A round meadow, sunlight illuminating it. The place is completely filled with yellow poppies and trees all over it. A blue butterfly brushed against my hand when I lift it up. I laugh because it tickles. Than two bunnies appear, they run around I follow running after them and laughing. It’s so peaceful here and blissful. I look down to see what I’m wearing, I’m in some ugly drenched clothes, I long for a light white silk summer dress, and when I look down again that’s what I’m wearing. I gasp in surprise. Than I close my eyes and imagine a carrot. I hear ‘plop’ on the floor and the bunnies are already they’re eating a carrot. Amazing. I spend hours imagining things, music and a prince and television and the hours turn into days I think tree days passed when I became bored, and started longing for real company. On the third day, someone did appear. I was lying on my back when a tall figure appeared at the mouth of the meadow. He was blond and had lovely blue eyes, overall very handsome.
“Hello Crimson Anne Moore. My name is Michael.” He said sticking out a hand as soon as he was at an arms distance.
“As in. . .t-the Arch Angel?” I stammer. He smiles tenderly at me.
“Yes, I am Michael the Arch angel.” He puts a arm around my shoulder.
“Well, is this heaven?” I ask.
“No, this is the world between heaven and your world.” He sighs. “Usually after one day or even less a door would appear for you. You’ve been here for three day’s and nothings happened.”
“Does that mean I, I … I’m not wanted in heaven?” I ask, I feel as my eyes fill up with tears, a single one runs down my cheek.
Michael brushes It away and shakes his head, for my relieve. “Not at all. Have you ever had so much fun, that you felt depressed it was over the next day?”
I shake my head.
“Have you ever had a very best friend?”
I shake my head again.
“Have you ever been in love?”
I shake my head, again.
“Have you ever felt successful or useful?” He has a worried frown, and that makes me nervous.
“No, look let me explain. I’ve always been shy and quiet. By the time I blinked, I was in high school, never had a boyfriend, never had a very close friend and now I’m dead.” Tears rolled down my cheeks freely. I’m spending the rest of existence locked up in this place, alone.
“I know Crimson. What happened is quite common actually; your soul is not ready to go inside because it has not yet experienced what it will find inside. Maybe you don’t this but you subconscious, your soul knows it’s not ready to leave.” He pats my shoulder.
“What will happen to me then?” I ask.
“You have two options,” he pauses for a minute, “number one, stay here forever. Number two go back down to earth, as a solid ghost and try to live.”
I don’t even hesitate I take a deep breath and say, “Two.”
Michael’s frown goes away and he smiles brightly. “Perfect.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead. Heat surges through me. I’m suddenly so hot I can’t think about anything else, but for a reason it doesn’t hurt. Than, my feet hit something and I’m cold again. I’m back in earth. I smile

The author's comments:
This is just an expert from the first chapter i wrote.

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This article has 21 comments.

on Aug. 31 2010 at 5:00 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
Yep, i have to fix those grammatical errors! That's really nice, i'll check your short story!

on Aug. 31 2010 at 3:51 pm
WritingLoverForever PLATINUM, Bowling Green, Ohio
32 articles 2 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not about success; it's about significance.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Oh, my word! I LOVE this! This is an amazing idea for a story. I noticed you had some grammatical errors throughout this article--and I'm usually the biggest grammar freak you will ever know--but this story is so good that I don't even care! :D This story actually has a similar concept to my short story, "Map of Dreams." Could you check it out maybe? I have it split into two different parts, FYI

on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:26 am
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
Ok, thank you very much! ^^

on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:26 am
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

I agree with everything you said, and i really want to work on expressing my characters emotions better, and thank you for leaving a comment. 

I'll read some of your work for sure!

on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:24 am
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

I was waiting for someone to comment on spelling mistakes and all...I'm a pretty lame speller so i have to work on that! 

Thank you veeery much for leaiving a comment! :D

on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:21 am
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

Thanks :) 

Sure, i'll look at your work!

on Aug. 26 2010 at 10:14 am
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

okay... the idea is nice. im interested in seeing some more. could you take a look a some of my work? thanks.

amaranth178 said...
on Aug. 9 2010 at 2:22 pm
amaranth178, Washington, District Of Columbia
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments

The idea behind this story is pretty neat. I'd really be interested in seeing more, but...there were some errors...(i.e., spelling, missing commas) anyway.

Paragraph breaks would have been helpful as well (but I don't think that's too much of a problem since I'm pretty sure most people make that mistake with their first article--including me :P).

But beside that, it's good.

Kat2292 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 4 2010 at 9:44 pm
Kat2292 BRONZE, Canfield, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0." ~Mark
"Life's like a novel with the end ripped out." ~Rascal Flatts

Not too bad. :) I really like the idea for the story! However, there are a couple grammatical errors (Sorry; I'm a little bit of a grammar freak...), and in the very beginning it seemed as though you were just stating what happened. It did capture more emotion as time went on, though. Good job, and I can't wait to read more!

Also, if you could comment on some of my work, that would be awesome! :D

on Jun. 4 2010 at 3:45 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Very interesting idea, just watch your grammar and your periods.  Intriguing story, though!

on Apr. 29 2010 at 2:39 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

Thaaaank you :D 

And i wiil read you're work :D

Radiogirl247 said...
on Apr. 22 2010 at 5:54 pm
Radiogirl247, The Woodlands, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
You dont stop playing because you get old. You get old because you stop playing.

DUDE!!!! This is soo good!! Very insightful ;) If you have time, do you mind reading my work too??

on Apr. 6 2010 at 5:54 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

Thats so cool! And i will keep writing! 

Thanks for the positive comment! 

on Apr. 5 2010 at 6:55 pm
rain-rain111 PLATINUM, Roselle, Illinois
28 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
He offered her the world but she said she had her own.

ooo love it!!! you have to write more! My brothers name is Kevin. And I can sorta relate to Crimson because how she loves to read. and glasses sorta. And I believe in the land between heaven and earth. Also I read in a book (fiction) about that and your version and the books version is almost alike! I love this article and you need to write more!

on Apr. 2 2010 at 4:44 pm
bluemagnet22 PLATINUM, Dearborn Hts, Michigan
24 articles 16 photos 644 comments

Favorite Quote:
You were born an origanal why die a copy?The secret to success is the consistency to pursue.To the world you may be one person,but to one person you may be the world.To receive the right answer,you must ask the right question.Don't worry be happy! :)

I like it a lot I want to

on Mar. 31 2010 at 9:58 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments

on Mar. 31 2010 at 9:57 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
Thank you very much! And sure i'll comment on you work too! 

on Mar. 31 2010 at 8:04 pm
elfiewrites BRONZE, Hillsdale, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom, in the heart."~William Hazlitt
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

Keep on writing! Very nice work, and it has an interesting concept. If you get the chance, may you PLEASE PLEASE comment on my work, too? Thanks so much, and EXCELLENT job

_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Mar. 30 2010 at 7:39 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.

–Golly (Harriet The Spy)

Very nice!

on Mar. 30 2010 at 4:14 pm
JustWriting BRONZE, Sao Paulo, Other
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
Thanks!! And i will