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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 37
June 29, 2009
I stood at Kristy’s front door, waiting for someone to answer it. I’d just rang the doorbell, but I was already thinking about turning back and taking a run for it. I hadn’t even come here to see Kristy. I’d came to speak with Cole. To let him know that Ash and were getting married on July 20th.
I really wasn’t sure if I could do this. Yes, I was in love with Ash. But I also loved Cole. And I knew he loved me too. That was what made it so hard to leave him. Just as I was about to turn around and walk away, Cole opened up the door.
“Evalynne, hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I replied, my throat feeling tight. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” He stepped aside and led me into the living room where we both took a seat on the black leather couch, sitting about a foot away from each other. He tried to fill up the space, by scooting closer, but I made a point of moving away.
He frowned, his forehead creasing in confusion. “What’s wrong?”
I decided that it would be easier to just tell him everything at once, rather than holding back. “I talked to Ash yesterday night. He wanted to meet me at the park, so I went. He told me that he’d broken up with Katrina and wanted to apologize to me. Then he proposed to me. And I said yes.”
Cole’s face was filled with complete and utter astonishment. “You’re going to marry him?” he demanded, standing up and looking down on me.
That’s when Kristy walked in. “Uh, what’s going on?” she asked.
Cole turned his head to look at her. “She,” he pointed a finger at me, “agreed to get married to Ash!”
Kristy’s mouth dropped open, her eyes went wide, and she placed her hands on her hips. “Evalynne, how could you?” she cried. “I thought you already settled this!”
“I did.” I said. “But then Ash apologized to me and he told me that he dumped Katrina for me. He proposed to me…I just couldn’t say no.”
She shook her head, not buying it. “But you’re going out with Cole.”
“Apparently, she thinks that Ash is more important than me.” Cole muttered.
“Cole, it’s not like that at all.” I defended myself. “I love you. But I love you like a brother. With Ash it’s different. I’m in love with him.”
He scowled, his eyes filled with hatred. “I don’t get it.” he muttered. “What does he have that I don’t?”
“Cole, you’re acting like I think he’s better than you or something. That’s not how I feel at all. I love both of you equally. It’s just that I love you in one way and him in another.” I tried my best to explain how I felt, but I just couldn’t get past Cole’s fuming.
“But why? I love you just as much as he does! Hell, I love you even more!” he cried.
“Ash loves me.” I stated, my teeth clenching.
“Really?” Cole demanded, staring me down. “If he loves you so much, why is constantly breaking your heart? Is it really worth it to be with him when you know that he’s just going to dump you in the end?”
“That’s not true!” I shouted.
He shook his head, “Yes it is. And it’s not fair. I never lied to you, I never let you down, I love you with part of my heart, I would die for you.” He paused, trembling a bit. “But it’s still not enough.”
This really got to me. I could definitely see where he was coming from. He never did anything to hurt me, yet right now, I was hurting him. “I’m sorry, but like you said, everything happens for a reason. I’m sure that you’ll go back to Michigan and find someone who you truly care about. And I’m sure that you’ll have a happy life with her. But I’m just not that someone.”
“Yeah, like that will ever happen,” he murmured.
“Of course it will!” I couldn’t stand to see him this upset, especially knowing I caused it.
“Stop trying to make me feel better. It’s not like it’s working. There isn’t anything you can say or do to make me feel better, ok? Either way, you chose Ash. Either way, I lost. So don’t try to encourage me to go find someone else, because it’s not going to happen.”
“Don’t feel bad, Cole.” Kristy said. I had almost forgotten she was there. “She doesn’t deserve you.” she added, looking directly at me.
I turned away, feeling small and powerless. “She’s right.” I said softly. “I don’t deserve someone as loyal and loving as you.” I told Cole.
He scoffed, “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity, it’s sympathy.” I corrected him.
“Well I don’t need that either.” he snapped. He looked away and shook his head yet again. “I can’t talk to you anymore.”
“Please don’t be mad at me. I’m truly sorry.”
“I’m not mad at you. It’s just that when I talk to you, I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can’t have you and that makes me love you even more.”
Tears flooded my eyes until it was too blurry for me to even see Cole’s saddened face. “Then we don’t have to talk anymore.” I told him and I wrapped him up in my arms. He hugged me back, tightly, not wanting to let go. But we both knew that he had to.
He took a deep breath and stepped back. “I guess this is fate.” he said. “I guess we really weren’t meant to be after all. I’m leaving tomorrow anyways. It’s probably for the best.”
I nodded in response, my throat tight. “I guess so.”
“Well this is goodbye then.”
“Goodbye,” I replied.
And as I turned and walked out the door, away from my relationship with Cole, away from my friendship with Kristy, away from two of the people I cared for so much, I felt ok. Not because I was happy to leave them behind. But because I knew that I was headed towards someone who I loved even more.
And that made it all worth it.