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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 31
June 21, 2009
I sat, looking out the window, looking away from Ash. I couldn't even bare a single glance at him. At that moment, I absolutely hated him.
"Evalynne, talk to me." Ash pleaded, sounding desperate. I didn't reply. "Please, just say something. I know you're mad at me, but I'm sorry. He was touching you though,"
"He touched my back." I said angrily. "And it was my fault anyways, because I let him. And if I'd known that you were going to make such a big deal over it, I would have never told you."
"But he had his hand up your shirt, Evalynne! That's a big deal to me!" he cried.
"Well you had your fist in Cole's face. That's a big deal to me too." I retorted evenly. For reasons unknown, he pulled over in the parking lot of a nearby McDonalds. "What are you doing?" I demanded.
"I'm not going to start driving again until you forgive me." he stated firmly.
I eyed him in irritation. "If you start this car up within the next five seconds, I'll get out and walk back to the hotel so that when Cole's conscious, he can drive me home."
His face fell. He obviously wasn't expecting me to crush his perfect little plan like that, but I didn't care. I wasn't expecting him to knock Cole out.
"You know, I didn't want to admit this, but the truth is...I'm jealous of you and Cole." Ash said shamefully.
I softened up to this a bit, because I knew what it was like to be jealous. I had been jealous of Julianne when she was with Ash. And I'd been jealous of Katrina when Kristy had told me that she and Ash were still together. Kristy. Ash had told me that she'd made a move on him.
"What happened with Kristy when she came over to your house?" I demanded.
This question took Ash by surprise, "Um, well..." he trailed off at the end, looking away from me.
"Just tell me." I said.
"Ok, ok," He sighed and continued, "Well she came over, saying she needed to talk to me. Then she started saying stuff..."
"Stuff?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied.
"Like what kind of stuff?"
"Well she told me that I didn't need you and that I could do so much better. She said that I should go out with her. The next thing I knew, she was kissing me. I pulled away and told her that I wasn't interested, but she said that she wasn't going to give up that easily and then left."
I felt my heart sink. I'd trusted Kristy. I'd confided in her for all of my life and she betrayed me. She lied to me, she went behind my back with Ash, she ditched me for Julianne and Kelly, and then she called me the bad friend.
Ash must have noticed the grim look on my face, because he slid an arm around my shoulder and pulled my closer to him. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
I pulled away from him, "You always tell me that," I remarked sharply. "When are you going to start meaning it?"
His face was a mix of hurt and shock. "But I do mean it."
"Really? Because if you were truly sorry, you wouldn't have to say it so many times. If you really were sorry, you wouldn't have punched Cole. If you were really sorry, I would be able to trust you."
"You don't trust me?" he asked softly.
"No, not anymore. I did at first, but after getting my heart broken so many times in the last month, I realize that I don't even know who you are. So how can I trust you?"
"What do you mean? You know who I am."
"No, Ash, I don't. I barely know anything about you! All I know is that you have this weird way of making people fall in love with you, and even when you completely ruin everything, you still get forgiveness. I'm not sure why I've given you so many chances, but I'm through with it. I'm sick and tired of having to forgive you!"
"But I'm going to be gone in a month. I had to make you fall in love with me, or else I'd never get to be with you. And by doing it so quick, I've made tons of mistakes. I don't think you realize how hard things are for me, Evalynne. After all, your dad is still alive, your mom isn't in a coma."
My heart all but stopped. I had put his mom in that coma. I kept on getting at him, when I had made the worst mistake of all. And I didn't even have the guts to tell him about it. But I had to. I couldn't break up with him because of all of his mistakes, without even telling him what I'd done.
So I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. "Ash, there's something I need to tell you."
"What is it?" he replied.
"Your mom...she's in a coma because of me." I said softly.
His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What?"
"I caused that accident. I stepped out into the street and I didn't know that the car was going to swerve and it did and it hit your mom's car..." I couldn't continue. I was getting all choked up. I looked at Ash to see how he would react.
But he didn't. His face was completely emotionless. He was staring at me, without really even seeing me. More like staring past me. I didn't know if he hated me, I didn't know if he was relieved to know the truth., I just didn't know.
"Ash?" I squeaked, my voice cracking.
"How could you?" he whispered, his voice hoarse with unshed tears.
"I didn't do it on purpose, I swear!" I cried. "I'm so sorry! I didn't even know that your mom was in that car!"
He shook his head, "So the police don't know about this, right?"
"No," My guilt was eating at me and I couldn't do anything about it. "Are you going to tell them?"
"No, you are." he stated.
My stomach churned. "What are you talking about? I can't tell them!"
"You can, you just don't want to."
"Well would you want to turn yourself into the cops? I've already had my encounter with the law this summer, I don't need another one!"
"Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked, a bit randomly.
"I meant to, I just couldn't. I didn't know what you would think of me. I'm so guilty, Ash. I'm so sorry."
"I know how you feel. I killed my dad, remember?" he said languidly. "Don't worry...I forgive you."
"What?" That just didn't make sense. "After everything I've done, you forgive me?"
"It was an accident. Besides, you told me how sorry you are and I think that your guilt is punishment enough. I can't not forgive you when I've been in the same situation. I'm not a hypocrite."
"Yeah, but I put your mom in a coma. And I was about to end things with you. How can you be so understanding?"
"I've been through a lot, Evalynne. And I've learned to be strong and keep a straight face even through the most difficult situations. It's not like my mom's dead. She might make it out alive. I just know that it would be wrong to hold a grudge over this when it was an accident. It doesn't seem fair."
"I'm officially the worst person in the world." I replied miserably. "You forgive me for this, when I can't even forgive you for punching Cole."
"You haven't had to deal with heartbreak and let-down like I have. You're not use to dealing with things like this. But I am and I've had to mature much faster than most people. I've had to be strong not only for myself, but for my mom too. I can handle this."
"But you got so upset when I was going to break up with you." I reminded him.
"That's because I've never felt this way about anyone. Believe me, I'm upset about my mom, but I'm keeping a straight face for you. I've got to hold myself together for you." I could hear the hidden pain in his voice. And I felt it too.
I shook my head, "No you don't. You're eighteen, not thirty. And even if you were thirty, you still shouldn't have to go through all of this. And you most definitely don't have to pretend like everything's ok when it's not. You don't have to hide your feelings from me. I get it. Believe me, I break down sometimes too."
He nodded, and a tear rolled down his cheek, but he brushed it away with the back of his hand. Then he started up his car and backed out into the road. "By the way," I added softly, "I forgive you."
And when I looked back at him, there was a hint of a smile on his face. And that was all I needed to know that I couldn't break up with him. Not yet.