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No boyfriend, ugly, and an outcast at school. “What a life?” thought Carrie.
Carrie was in the 8th grade at Cloven Junior High. Her hair like a rats nest sitting upon her noggin with odd highlights spewed caused gossiping and a lot of back talking from her big mouth.
With the body like a windy road, square jaw, and flat butt, she never really got attention from Cam, the school quarter back.
His features were beyond the point where staring was over-rated. Although, if you touched his bulging biceps he might mistaken you as a weird obsessive freak, which technically you are for feeling the "God of Hotness". Carrie despised his girlfriend, Brittney, the head cheerleader of the spirit squad. In guys’ perspectives, Brittney was the "Goddess of Hotness." She had locks of bleach blond hair that looked like it could sever your hand if you touched it since it was so straight. Unlike Carrie's body, Brittney's was the perfect hourglass shape and a big chest that certainly attracted guys with hopes of losing their virginity with her. Although Brittney definitely had the looks, she certainly didn't have the brains that Carrie had.
One day after school, she was sitting outside her house since it felt like a California day. The tall trees were swaying in the warm breeze as cute little bunnies were hopping along with their mother. This was the perfect time to just lay back and relax instead of worrying about her Spanish exam in about two weeks. When it felt like hours had passed, she sat up and realized someone was walking up the road leading closer to her home. She suddenly realized that it was Cam, the quarter back at Cloven Junior High! She was pacing back and forth trying to decide whether she should go chat with Cam or just rush inside before he even notices her. She decided that an opportunity talking to Cam shouldn't be thrown away like that, so the combed through her knotty hair with her long skinny fingers, and raced down the stairs to where Cam was walking.
"Hey, um, what's up?” Carrie said to the burning hot quarter back.
"Hey! Haven't I seen you from somewhere before?" asked Cam.
"How embarrassing? He doesn't even remember me from school... Maybe I should just make an excuse and sprint back to the house”, Carrie thought
" Junior hot, I mean...Junior high" Carrie said. She started blushing until he started laughing for some odd reason.
" What’s so funny?" Carrie demanded. "Is there something on my face?" Carrie worried.
He laughed again. And again. And again!
She started getting fed up, but soon enough she started giggling, too. Although she didn't know what they were amused about, that just made her laugh even more! After about minutes of laughing, Cam started talking to her.
"So, you live around here?" questioned Cam.
"Yeah, actually my house is the yellow Victorian on top of the hill up there" she answered and pointed towards her quite large house.
Time passed as they talked about themselves and their family. Soon enough it was almost completely dark, and Carrie realized she hadn't eaten anything that day, and was starving, plus her mom would have a heart attack not knowing where she went.
"Hey, uh, I better start heading home before my mom freaks. She's really protective since I'm her only child." Carrie told Cam.
"Yeah, well, I actually had fun talking to you. I usually can't do that with girls because they’re either too busy looking at my muscles or even trying to feel them. Ha." exclaimed Cam.
"Well it wasn't easy not staring" chuckled Carrie. "Although, muscles aren't your only good feature." flirted Carrie.
" Why, thank you! You know, you do have beautiful eyes. Don't tell Brittney this, but you're different from the other girls. You’re not self-absorbed and have a great personality. I wish Brittney was less conceited and actually studied once in awhile..." Cam spilled.
Carrie could NOT believe her ears! Was he confessing that she was better than Brittney? She had no idea that a few hours of talking with Cam would convince him to actually confess anything in his personal life, or that Brittney needed to study!
Sooner than expected they had walked all the way back to Carrie's house. They had said their good-byes and Cam left.
As soon as she walked in the door, her mom started nagging about why she hadn't told her where she went, and that she shouldn't have been out that late. A perfect ending to the perfect day.
The next day, she saw Cam and they both waved at each other. She was flattered. Plus, Brittney saw and was hot. Later, Carrie found out that Brittney had actually broke up with Cam! She knew that every girl would be hanging all over him, and he would find someone better than her. Her day was ruined...
Days passed with no action from Cam besides waving to each other every now and then. She had lost all hope about getting with Cam.
That day after school, she was too depressed to eat lunch or even go inside her own home. If she did, she would have to deal with her mom asking what was wrong and then explaining that guys aren't that important, but to Carrie, guys were that important! Especially Cam.
The moon crept out and the stars began their gleaming. An unexpected knocking was at the front door. Carrie was curious who would come to her house this late at night. She cracked the door open to see who it was. To her surprise, it was Cam!
"Is my hair okay? Does my breath reek?" Carrie wondered as Cam looked at her.
" Carrie, I can't stop thinking about you. After Brittney broke up with me, you were my first thought. You make me happy. You make me complete. Will you be my girlfriend?" Cam asked directly.
As soon as she lost hope, he came to the rescue. She had wished for this moment to come for so long that it almost seemed unreal. Just to make sure, she pinched her sweaty skin. It was real!
"Yes!” exclaimed Carrie. They both leaned in closer and their lips touched as if they fit like a puzzle. Very unexpected love.
Palm Desert, California
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God, what a freak, she thought, as she sauntered away. (this is wrong)
The comma after thought is unnecessary since the word 'thought' is followed by 'as'.
comma after 'thought' would be acceptable if instead of 'as', a present progressive verb follows 'thought'
God, what a freak, she thought, running a hand through her hair.