New Rules | Teen Ink

New Rules MAG

March 22, 2018
By Bruvton DIAMOND, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Bruvton DIAMOND, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
55 articles 2 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They don't think it is what it does, but it do." ~Oscar Gamble

The Association of Dumbness in Everything Committee has recently come up with a bunch of new rules for schools worldwide after a complex brainstorming session that considered research done by the Fun Depletion Committee and the International Rules Sorters Collaboration. The committee has discovered that an epidemic was taking over schools, known formally as Frequently Uneducated Nothingness. They ruled that it had to end soon, so a series of rules called the “Anti-FUN Act but Acting is Now Illegal so It’s Actually a Bill” was created. The bill bans things such as opposite genders interacting in any way, shape or form; skills at anything (especially parkour); all types of tag games, and a horrible movement known as “Freedom.” The committee claims that “individualism, skill, and FUN, in general, are ruining lives everywhere.” The committee recommends implementing speeding tickets for running, biking, rollerblading … Just kidding. None of that is allowed. The speed limit for walking will soon be four hours per kilometre. A full video explaining all of the rules was going to be placed on YouTube, but the committee is in the process of trying to shut that cite down. It was instead posted on, a video platform created by the committee where humor is strictly banned. 

In unrelated news, peanut butter allergies are at a record high. 

The author's comments:

These rules are in place at our school. This was an article written for Yesterday News.

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