I didn’t mean to kill her. We loved one another. It started off with us talking about being together. Then I had to wait to be with her. “She is worth the wait” is what I kept telling myself. Like a song those words played on repeat and through my mind. All the pain and sadness to be with her was worth it.

Even on walks to school I would talk with one of my friends about how much it kills me inside not being with her. But everything happens for a reason at least that’s what my friends said and what she said. She isn’t ready to be in a relationship but I like her and she likes me. So the least I can do is wait even if it kills me.
The same questions went through my head constantly. Does she truly love me? When will she be ready? How long will I have to wait? Why am I thinking these things? Will I be who she loves when she is ready? How long before I breakdown?

I was going insane with all of the questions and thoughts that never left my mind. I tried to do almost everything to distract myself but my mind wasn’t under my control. My mind was like a rock concert. Loud and people every where screaming. But they weren’t people they were my thoughts. I was there alone no one by my side in the mosh pit of my mind.

A few months went by and she was finally ready. All the thoughts disappeared when we got together. I was happier now a lot happier. My happiness didn’t last as long as I thought it would have. We had been together for three years. That’s when the fights started happening. One time she threw a brick at me. We didn’t fight often but when we did it wasn’t good.

We stayed together through a few years of fighting. Until I broke it off. She was devastated and had a mental breakdown. I was devastated to. I was her first and last boyfriend. I didn’t mean to kill her. I didn’t mean to kill her mind. I didn’t mean to hurt her.