I was sitting, alone, on my bed. I could hear the rain outside on my window. I felt lonely. I felt overwhelmed by everything. I was drowning.


Somewhere in this horrible life I’m currently living, I fell. I fell into this dark hole I cannot escape from, nor do I really want to. Part of me thinks I should try to get out of this hell, but the other finds comfort here, almost as if i don't deserve to not be suffering.


I sit there. Blank-minded. Suddenly, a crack of thunder awakens me from my trance of misery. A single tear makes it way down my face. I feel empty. Slowly, I walk to the bathroom where I decide to take a shower. It’s getting late. All I can manage is washing my body. I guess my hair will have to wait for I do not have the energy right now. As I step out of the shower I feel compelled to reach for the razor. “This is what you deserve,” a small voice whispers into my ear as I slice open my leg. Again and again. I can’t cry, I can't feel anything. Blood is now everywhere. I just sit there blank minded, blood streaming out of me. I hear whining. Instantly I clean off the blood and wrap a towel around me. I open my door, and my dog walks in. Excitedly, he gives my hand kisses. Blood starts rolling down my leg uncontrollably. Blue, my dog, notices it. He sniffs it, then stops in disapproval. He whines once more, sits down in front of me, stares at it, then, almost as if he was disappointed in me, tries to “clean” my cuts by licking them. Suddenly my heart feels like it's being torn apart. First I disappointed my family, now my best friend? Who’s next?


I go back into my bathroom and clean off my cuts. I make it stop bleeding, then I put my clothes on. I climb into bed and stare at the ceiling. I still feel empty. No, hollow. I feel my heart beating, but I don’t feel the meaning behind it. “Why am I here?” I ask myself in a hushed voice. “Why?” A tear falls from both eyes. My puppy, who is laying next to me, licks one off. He lays his head on my chest and pouts. He hates seeing me like this, I know he does. All I hear is the rain, softly hitting the roof.


I have so much homework to do, but I don’t care. I’ll worry about it some other time, I guess.


I lie there, wide awake. Time seems to be moving too slow. 2 O’clock, then 3 O’clock, and finally four. I lay there so desperate for help, in fact, screaming for help, but I can't move. I don’t budge, I know I should, but I never do. I finally fall asleep around 5:30 am.


I wake at 7. The same routine every day; get up, brush teeth, get dressed, leave. I feel as though I’ve become a robot on auto-pilot. After months and months of feeling alone, I’ve decided to do something about it. I put on an old torn pair of sweatpants, grabbed some water and vodka mixed, and some headphones with my mp3 player. I quietly sneak out in hopes of not waking anyone. I get in my car and without a word, I'm gone. Without a set destination, I end up at an old water tower right outside of town. I parked the car and got out, not bothering to turn it off. I walk to the ladder. Rust mixes with the wind. With each step up the ladder I feel less and less of a problem. When I finally reach the top, the breeze thickens, as does the rusty smell. I go to the edge of the broken rail and just gaze over the meadow. I thought it would be prettier, but everything is dead. Slightly upset, I sit down. I drown out my problems with music. I look over the railing once more. Almost as if I was in trance, I walk over to the missing rail.


Suddenly I feel exactly how empty, alone, and hopeless I feel. Not able to break this trance I have somehow become engulfed in, I take my pocket knife and i hold it against my throat. The blade kisses my neck, causing blood to pour out. I turn around and fall back off the ledge. As I’m falling I begin to feel peace, tranquility. Slowly everything becomes slightly darker until everything snaps into blackness. I had hit the ground. Now I’m just laying there, blood almost consuming my lifeless body, every bone shattered.