I wish I had never said that to her. I Regret every yelling match we ever had, every mean word. If only I had known that she was going to get sick so young. I know I would've had to eventually have to say goodbye to the woman who raised  me but not this early. I hope she knows that I never meant any of what I said.

Out of all the days for my mom to pass on, my birthday April 24. She was driving home from the store when she was blindsided by a truck. I couldn't believe it so I thought that I would go to my favorite coffee shop. And That's where I am over thinking about every time I ever had a fight with my mom. We didn't get along very well but I miss her so much.

I hadn't been home in months, With being in college and having a job it makes it hard to go home for even a day. Plus most of the time it would just turn into  a family brawl so I didn't really want to go back anyway. I would rather have another brawl instead of not seeing her again.

As I finished my coffee I decided to go to my house to be with family as we mourn mom. I pulled into the vacant driveway of my old house. I pull myself out of my seemingly small car. I make my way up to the front door to ring the doorbell, but I hesitate.  The ring of the doorbell echoes through the small house. MY dad opens the door, a large man with a thick beard towering over me. I exclaimed “Hi dad”. He didn't even make a noise, but just moved out of the way of the door to motion me to come inside the house.

As I walked around my house memories of my life from the time I Was a toddler to the point of leaving for college. Every stupid fight, but also every good moment with mom came flooding back into my head. I need a moment to myself, so I dashed to my room. Everything was how I left it before, every poster of bands I barely remember, it was like I never left at all.

As I looked around the room inspecting every piece of my past, one thing stuck out to me. There was an envelope sitting on my bed. Assuming it was meant for me I opened it. It was a birthday card With  a kitten in a birthday hat looking very unhappy. I slowly opened the card, I had no clue what to expect.  My heart raced and my palms grew sweaty. It read :“ Happy birthday Jack! Your father and I really miss you and hope you would visit soon. I just wanted to say happy birthday and that I love you so much.” My heart sank. I was filled with so many emotions, I couldn't tell one from the other. I felt tears start to breach the floodgates. I just sat in my room.  Screaming for my mom to forgive all the yelling that I put her through. My tears dripping onto the card wiping the ink away.