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Only a week ago did I post the video, the video that was seen by millions, the video that went viral, the video that even managed to catch the attention of Scooter Braun. I managed to get a thousand subscribers or so in the past 6 months or so on YouTube, but I had never ever thought that one of my covers would blow up and go viral. I’ve been getting such nice comments and support, but the most mind blowing thing just happened. My dream had come true, in just a matter of minutes. I’ve gotten a record deal proposed by big time talent manager, Scooter Braun. My heart raced and pounded. I could hear the excitement that was building up in me. I have not signed the record deal yet, because I need my parents to sign for me, since I’m a minor. But my parents don’t even know about this at all. They don’t even know that I have a YouTube channel, or that I write songs, because I know that they won’t approve. They think all this, this music, this singing and writing, is just a waste of time.
“Remy, this is just a hobby, don’t take it seriously” they’d say. “You’re becoming either a doctor of some sort or a software engineer. Singing isn’t going to get you anywhere”
But I don’t want to become someone that they want me to become. I want to live my life my way, and how I want it. I want to love to the life I live, not hate it. But I don’t want to let them down either, and I need to confess about my YouTube channel and the viral video. It just might be enough to change their mind about my future.
I keep rehearsing what I’m going to tell my parents over and over again in my head until it’s just perfect. “I’ve got this”, I mutter to myself. I’m so scared and nervous, that I can feel the blood rushing through my veins. I walk down the stairs to tell my parents.
“Hey Mom, uh, I have something to tell you,”
“Oh, honey what is it?” She said, looking worried.
“So, um, you know how I’ve always wanted a YouTube channel for my singing?”
“I just wanted to say that, well, I kinda made one, and started posting on that and-”
“Remy! How? Why didn’t you ask us for permission and-”
“Because you’re gonna say no anyways and I really wanted it” I said defensively
“REMY!” she screamed “You shouldn’t do anything without dad’s and my permission!”
“Remy I really don’t know what to say. I told you several times already, you should be focusing on your education and not this”
“I’m trying to tell you something so please let me”
She looked mad with rage but worried, “What is it?”
“So, I posted a video last week and uh, it kinda blew up and went viral and might or might not have caught the attention of my dream music manager, Scooter Braun and now he wants me to sign with Capitol Records and I’m freaking out because I really want this, but then I’d have to give up my everything and move to L.A. and have singing as my profession and I don’t know what to do and-”
“Wait a minute” she interrupted my ranting. “You got noticed, by Scooter Braun? The guy that you’ve been obsessing about, that finds musicians?”
“Yeah...” I said not knowing what to expect.
“Remy, I, I don’t know what to say. How did this happen and when and why didn’t you tell me-” she looked angry.
“Mom, slow down. I know it’s a lot to take in, but I really want this. I think that this is what I was meant to do Mom. Life has given me an opportunity that I can’t possibly let down. I know what I want to do with my life. This doesn’t just happen to everyone you know?”
“Are you seriously thinking that we might let you go and live your life as a singer that might or might not even work out?”
“Can you atleast think about it?” I asked hopefully
“If anything, I need to talk to your dad and tell him about this” she said. I can tell that she seemed very disappointed in me.
“Oh, okay” I said a bit gloomily.
I walked upstairs to my room as I heard my mom talking to my dad who was in the restroom the whole time I was talking to my mom. They kept on talking and talking for what seemed like hours and then they finally called me downstairs.
“Okay, we’ve decided what we think is best for you” my mom said.
“You can’t go and move to L.A., and be a singer for some stupid record deal” said my dad.
My heart shattered as he uttered those words. I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
“What? I thought that-”
“I’m sorry but you’re only 16 and you can’t take on the world on your own,” said my mom. “It’s really important that you focus on your education and studies and not singing.”
“You never let me do anything at all!” I cried out “You’re always so overprotective! Just because I’m your only child, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be perfect! I should be able to do what I want and I’m almost a legal adult. You’re always telling me what to do and I can’t take it anymore”. Words were rushing out of my mouth as tears kept welling up in my eyes. “It’s just not fair. You don’t understand, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that you are taking away from me. I could be living my dream but you want me to be something that’s not me. I’m sorry that I’m not that ‘PERFECT GIRL’ that you want me to be. If I can’t live the life I want, then maybe I shouldn’t have a life at all”.
I ran upstairs to my room and locked it. I felt so depressed like the whole world just ate me up. I used the pillow to cover up the tears and sobs that kept coming out. I cried and cried, and the tears didn’t stop. My parents never let me do anything at all. They’re so overprotective and they treat me as if I’m a 3 year-old. Of course it doesn’t help that I suffer from an anxiety disorder, but that shouldn’t be a reason that I get treated so unfairly. I’ve never had a sleepover because according to my parents, sleeping in other people’s houses is creepy. I’ve never gone camping, I’m not allowed to watch PG-13 or TV-14 rated items alone without my parents, even if I’m 16 years old, and I’m not allowed to hang out with my friends without parental supervision. My parents cradle me up in this tiny box that I can’t seem to rip out of. I sometimes think to myself, what if I didn’t exist? Will they regret all these rules and restrictions they put on me? Would they finally understand that they should’ve been easy on me and they lost the only child that they ever had? And now, this record deal, this was the last straw. I’ve never wanted anything so bad in my life than this. I just wanted to leave. I can’t take anymore of this.
I slowly unlocked the door and went to the attic. I tiptoed up the stairs so my parents can’t hear. And there it was, the old bulky chest. I knew the code to the lock already, because I accidentally saw my dad open it once. I twisted the lock so that the numbers lined up to the code: 18823. The chest creaked as I opened the top, and there it was, two hunting handguns and a hunting rifle. I picked up the, Freedom Arms Model 83 handgun. I observed its clean, pristine silver slide and the brown, almost leathery grip. I was starting to feel breathless and lightheaded. I turned the gun around, so that the muzzle was just licking the hairs at my forehead. I closed my eyes, I breathed a couple deep breaths.I thought about everything and nothing all at the same time.
“It’s okay” I say to myself, “I’ll be much happier than I have ever been”
I sit in that position, looking for a reason why I shouldn’t do this. It was so peaceful and quiet up here, like nothing can make me feel small.
I take a deep breath, tears still rolling down my cheeks and sobs making their way out of my mouth. I heard footsteps, getting louder and louder. I started to panic.
“I have to do this” I muttered to myself, still crying “I can’t, just can’t live like this anymore. It’s either now, or never.”
I fingered the trigger with my index finger. I used both my hands to keep the gun stable on my forehead.
“Ok, Remy” I said, “You’re gonna have a long happy dream, and no one, no one will wake you up from it.”
The footsteps almost started pounding.
“Remy?” said a faint voice of my mother.
Still holding the gun. I sobbed, and gently pressed the trigger. I collapsed onto the floor and felt a warm liquid dripping onto my nose and mouth. I couldn’t think. My eyes were cloudy and my ears were ringing. I heard a faint high-pitched scream from somewhere, I don’t know where.
It felt quiet and it felt peaceful. The air felt cold and comforting and the creaky wooden floor was warm like it was giving me a hug. I gasped for air but I couldn’t breathe. I lied there, smiling, because it was just so calm and tranquil.
“No one will wake you up” I said, with a little smile. “No one will wak-”