Pistachio Almond Milkshakes

April 15, 2016

As the waiter hands me my pistachio almond milkshake, I start to day dream right then and there of my future life with my date who supposed to be here, not "on his way". I dreamed that even as we have kids, buy a house, create some sort of realistic yet whimsical dream for our whole family, we would stay young forever. Sometimes though, I wish I could run away to where the wild things were and that no one could ever find me. Where I can wear a guy friend's jacket without anything being said to my boyfriend, give my best friend a kiss on the forehead as a quick farewell without a second thought, give my best advisor a hug in the hallway without everyone making faces at us and date whoever I wanted to. There's too much criticism, too many preps, too many Debbie downers, it's all too much. I'm so over and just done with it all. I just want good actions without negative consequences and connotations for once. You know what? I'm gonna finish my shake because he sould've been here to try to hear all of this rambling. But no, I guess you'll do alright, maybe even better, compared to him. You listen. You aren't blocking me out. It's nothing you did, it's just that I'm sick of sitting here imagining that he's gonna walk right through that little door with the tinkle of the bells and run up, give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and sit down at the table. I know that I won't be able to stay mad at him forever though. Monday morning, I bet the first person I'll wanna see is him. *Pulls out phone. I can't do this anymore. *Pulls up last text to screen and starts typing. (Hey, i can't take this anymore, you never show up to our dates out. kinda makes me wonder if you're embarrassed about us as a couple. if you are, tell me why, please.) For now, until he responds and can show up when I need him, I think I'll just stick with milkshakes and total strangers to love... 

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