Exactly What she did | Teen Ink

Exactly What she did

October 29, 2015
By VM709 DIAMOND, Ormond Beach, Florida
VM709 DIAMOND, Ormond Beach, Florida
72 articles 7 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
" I will never be what you want from me "

She sits in her room and shes terrifed. They had scared her into not asking for help. every time she cried out for help they ruined her life and they scared her even more last time . The first time she had walked out of her therapy session when her parents had accused of her of cutting again and when they have asked why she couldnt look at them or tell them why and so they had baker acted her. She had screamed and cried but they took her away from her parents. They threw her in the cop car and when she saw her parents again she had screamed and cried to go home but they still wouldnt let her go home . They'd taken her  to this isolated room and when the nurse watching her wasnt watching she would try to choke herself to death so she didnt have to deal with this. The whole week she cried and cried to go home and she cried so much they let her carry a box of tissues on the unit even though it was against protocal .She was so scared she was never going home. The second time was worse. She had asked her friend for help because she didnt feel well and her friend had called the cops who had showed up at her house and handcuffed her - and she had been baker acted again. This time she had given up. she didnt scream and cry because she didnt care anymore. she didnt care what they did to her .. but they told her if she ever cut again shed be back there. They told her if she ever asked another friend or family member for help with suicidal thoughts they'd bring her out there and they told her they'd be dissapointed in her if she ever went back out there. And so she hid it from everyone. Sure she had days when she cut or was suicidal but she told her friends and the therapists it was sadness or depression nothing suicidal . And so they thought her medications were fine. But she was just so scared to tell the truth . They had her terrifed of cops and ambulances. every time she heard one she had a little panic attack until the sound went past there general area. She was so scared of being in the back of that cop car , of being in that cold and white room , of people being dissapointed in her that she lead everyone on to believe she was better when truthlly things were getting worse. She was stressed from her college classes and her best friend had told her to kill herself and her ex fiance had been ignoring her messages and all she wanted to do was give up .. but she couldnt confide to anyone this information because if she did. .. theyd take her back . She was so scared of that place .. she was more scared of living suicidal than dying. She was scared everything was a ticking timb bomb and someone would find out and call and she couldnt live with this fear that everyday she was going to be picked up and so one night she decided she would fix it all. She couldnt confide in anyone and she couldn't live and she couldn't ask for help . They had pushed her to do this she thought and its exactly what she did. 

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