As the day dragged on, the night seemed nonexistent. A dream that would never come to be true. All she hoped for was a chance to escape, a chance to be free from the chains of the real world. The chains that ignored her but held her close. The chains that spoke no words, but always found some way to tear her down. The chains she called her mother.
It was a beautiful fall morning. Leaves falling, every single one unique in its own way. A slight breeze lifting her hair ever so slightly off of her shoulder as she walked herself to school. Carter was 16 years old, she had soft blonde hair and freckles strictly on her nose. She enjoyed her walks to school. She looked forward to them. The comfortable silence, except for the sound of the wind blowing or the crisp crunch of the leaves beneath her feet. This silence was beautiful to her.
Carter’s day went as it usually did. First period Calculus, second period English, third period Government, so on and so forth. The school day never seemed long enough. Never enough time to learn everything that she wanted to know. Carter felt her time was precious, but it was never spent the way she wished to spend it.
The final school bell rang, releasing the teenagers from school. The sound of that bell was ear piercing. It found its way into Carter’s head and rattled her clear thoughts. She stepped outside the school doors. The sidewalks were filled with teenagers, eager to get home. The sky above was bright, filled with puffy, marshmallow-like clouds. Carter did not notice this, however. What Carter saw was in the distance. Gray skies cloaked in a thin mist. Everything was cloudy to her.
Her walk home was short. Too short. As she walked into her house, (not home, but house) she kept her eyes fixated on the ground. The glare of the freshly cleaned wood was almost captivating. She tip-toed up one set of stairs, then another, until she finally reached her room. Bright white walls and a bed placed in the middle. That was what Carter’s room contained. Not a picture, not a painting, not a knick-knack, just white walls. Walls like that could drive anyone insane. Carter’s room wasn’t a reflection on her inner self, however. It was what her mother had created.
Carter’s mother was not much of a mother. She could be better described as a woman with a child. Her mother was driven, focused, self-reliant, and structured; she was a surgeon, and a d--- good one. Carter’s mother, Doctor Meredith Banks, was a plastic surgeon, the best in the country. She could restructure your bones anyway you desired. Dr. Banks was a miracle worker, a life-saver. She could fix anything. Once, she had to reposition the nose of an MMA fighter. He was practically unrecognizable, until Dr. Banks got a hold of him. A few stitches here and there and he was back to new.
Carter knew her mother was a prestigious woman. Her appointments were booked years in advance, and her clients paid top dollar for her services. Carter respected her mother’s profession and understood her time was valuable. When Carter was younger, her mother always set aside one day a week for the two of them. Dr. Banks found this time precious due to the fact her husband had left her and her daughter when Carter was just a toddler. These days contained memorable moments filled with laughter, but became few and far apart as Carter’s mother found her clients demanded all of her time and attention. Carter was no longer her mother’s priority. Carter’s room was empty, Carter’s home was empty, Carter’s life was empty.
Carter completed her homework before dinner was ready. Her mother was home for dinner tonight.
“Dinner,” was spoken through the intercom into Carter’s room.
She slumped down the first set of stairs, then straightened up as she came down the last set. As she timidly walked into the dining room, she could hear her mother had begun eating without her. All that sat in the room was the dining room table, six chairs, and Dr. Banks. Carter sat herself in the chair across from her mother.
“How was school,” Dr. Banks said instinctively.
“Fine,” replied Carter immediately, she was taken back by her mother’s words. Dinners were usually awkward and silent. Carter seized the opportunity “How was wo-”, the ringing of a cellphone cut her off.
Dr. Banks answered “Meredith Banks...” the conversation went on for the rest of dinner. Carter picked at the food silently, and then went back to her room without finishing her meal. It was not the first time Carter’s mother had done this, but this time was different. Carter wanted to try and make the effort to talk to her mother. She needed another chance.
Carter marched herself into her mother’s office, “Hello,” she said with the utmost confidence.
“Do you need something?’ replied Dr. Banks.
Carter hesitated, “Well no, I just wanted to ask how your day was. I tried to ask at dinner but your pho-,”
Dr. Banks turned to face Carter, “Listen, I don’t really have time for chit-chat. I have a lot of work to get done. So if you need something just ask, otherwise please leave.”
Carter stood in the doorway of her mother’s office and stared at her for a minute. Dr. Banks turned herself back around and continued with her work, but Carter continued to stand there motionless. Her eyes became glassy as she watched her mother work. She noticed all the paperwork, files upon files of clients that were more important to Dr. Banks than Carter was. In this moment, Carter became disappointed. Disappointed in herself. The sudden realization that her mother was not simply ‘busy’, but she genuinely did not care about her only daughter. No matter how desperately Carter wanted to believe it not to be true she could not ignore it.
Carter walked to her room with a pain in her chest. She was confused, yet felt as if she had a revelation. She was overwhelmed with emotion. She began to feel her eyes fill with tears, and became short of breath. As Carter reached the top of the first set of stairs she began to feel lightheaded. She sprinted to her room. Carter was done. She was done being disappointed and causing disappointment. She was not what her mother wanted her to be, and she could not bare the weight of her mother’s ignorance anymore.
She walked into her mother’s bathroom, and rummaged through the cabinet above the sink. She had an infinite amount of pill bottles, which was expected of a surgeon. Carter found one that read “Oxycodone”. Oxycodone is a pain killer, and Carter wanted to kill the pain which also involved killing herself. Carter held the bottle in her hand for a few minutes, squeezing it tightly. She placed her hand on the lid, opened the bottle, took a mouthful, and swallowed.
She felt calm. She felt happy. She knew in just a few minutes, she would be free. Free from her inner torture, free from the feeling of emptiness, free from herself, free from her mother, and free from the chains. That is all Carter wanted; to be free. Freedom and happiness came hand and hand. Carter knew the choice she was making, and she knew it was the only chance she had to be happy. On October 30th at 10:30 PM, Carter was freed.