I remember when my mother first started taking drugs. She had a drug related problem and at first I was unaware of what was happening to me and how it was affecting me but now I know and I’m angry, sad and confused as to why she would do something like this, I felt betrayed. Questions everyday runs through my mind. How could she do this to her kids? How could she do this to her family? Was it the fact that having too many kids was a stress? I think back to when I was younger, and I don't really remember my mother being there for me when I needed her. I never talked to her about boys or girls or shared my feelings when I’m upset. In return she never confided in me when she was sad because her comfort was drugs-cocaine-it was all she had. My life was never normal in a house full of siblings and a grandma who didn't like you, or want. That wasn't normal like the girls at school, why didn't my mother take me shopping? Why didn't she ever come to teacher conferences? Or my doctors appointments. I remember my dad who I know tried to look past the addict she was. And when he would let my sister and I spend nights at my auntie house he figured if we moved away for a while we would be fine. But as I look back over my life I know deep in my heart that I needed a mom who takes care of me. Over the  next few months of my life going through transitions while my mother was doing what she wanted we was taken into custody by my aunt who I now call mom. She would let my mother visit, and when she did she would lie a lot to my sister and I about how she wanted us back. And we would visit her and it was a shame how my sister didn't want to be alone with her and nobody else. I forgive her for everything but at this point I don't want to talk to her because I know what she's going to say. It’s kinda weird if you look at it this way how you can have these type of feelings for your own mother, but I feel like she's a stranger now someone I don't know. But now I am 16 yrs old living with my aunt whom I call my mom for 10yrs. She is the mother/mom I never had