I looked out the window, my eyes following the glowing streetlights in the dark. I traced my finger across the top of my knee. We pulled into the beach, and parked next to a black pickup truck. I lie down and looked at the stars, while listening to the waves hit the sand. Resting my head down on the ground, I listened to the earth’s heartbeat; pounding like a drum. Going down to the shore was hard, but I took off my shoes with the anticipation of going in the water. I’ve been afraid of water ever since I was little and was fine on the sand, but when I got closer to the water, my heart skipped a beat and my legs begged for me to stop. Stepping in the water made me shiver. I looked at the foam cuffed around my ankle, and took in the scent of salt. Overlooking the sea I watched the moonlight reflect off the top of the water and shine down to the shallow bottom; revealing the rippled movements of the water. I don’t know why, but I kept walking out further and further and stopped when I noticed the water was waist-high. My legs bend underneath me like noodles, and my head submerged underwater. I struggled trying to get up, but had trouble finding my way back to the surface; failing to make contact with the air above. I pushed my body up, trying to break the barrier keeping me down. A big wave pushed me under a blanket of bubbles and made me do a backflip causing my stomach to get tied up in knots. I got back up, and coughed up some water as I started treading water; wasting my energy. Another wave scooped me up and tossed me into the darkness. I laid there for a moment, letting the shadows confine my body. I opened my mouth and water caught in the back of my throat. I came back up choking again. I thought about my brother; and the night he went surfing… the last time I saw him. I never learned how to swim, but I’ve seen other people do it. I started flailing my arms and legs around, until I returned to the top of the water. The back of my throat burned between all the coughing and deep breaths, and now I found myself shivering. My pants were suffocating my legs, but the waves decided to toss me around a little more. I looked back at the shore, and saw little dots of light from the houses. My eyes were red from all the seawater, and my voice was almost gone. I swam in a circle, looking around me for objects I could grab on to, like some kind of rock formation, but I was too far out. The sunset was gone, and I was on my own; left thinking about my brother. My legs started cramping up, and they were going numb as another wave came along and folded me under the water like I was a piece of clothes in a wash machine. I could hear the waves crashing up against the rocks, and my teeth chattering. I could see my mom in tears when she would see my cold limp body washing up on the shore; her second child dying the way her first did. I could also see my dad, having to identify my body. Crying didn’t help, but that was all I could do while my arms went numb. I was going to die here, now; with my brother and god as my witnesses. My vision was going, and my arms were starting to turn blue. I started to feel light headed, and felt like passing out. Something grabbed me and pulled me along towards the shore. The waves helped carry me a little bit, but I was still struggling. My limbs were numb, and I felt like I was drunk. I heard a voice whisper in my ear. My eyes were still swollen so my image was warped. The waves washed me up on the shore and laid me out on the sand. I rolled over and got on my knees, coughing up some water, and almost gagging on it. I dropped on my stomach and lay there in embarrassment. I relaxed my neck, letting my head drop down into the sand. I looked up at all the stars in the sky, wondering if that’s where I was headed; to see my brother. I thought about when I was little. All the times when he snuck off to the beach during the late hours of the night I would wake up and catch him in the hallway; surfboard in hand. He said the same words every time ‘I’ll be back before you wake up, I promise.’ Promise. That word repeated in my head until it made me sick. I closed my eyes and fell out of consciousness. There my brother was lying in a casket. His skin was pale; as if he were still in the ocean. His pink lips were chapped and red from the saltwater, and his brown curly hair was matted down. I looked up from his cold body and saw him standing on the other side of the casket. I opened my eyes awaking from my nightmare and looked over to see my brother staring at me. I smiled; not caring if I was dreaming. I laid my head on his shoulder and looked out at the sea. His clothes were wet, and he smelt like the water.
“I thought you promised,” I whispered softly. He was quiet for a while.
“I’m sorry.” After nine years of not hearing it; his voice made me cry. A tear came down his cheek and gently fell down in the sand. I was afraid to look at him, wondering if he would be gone. If I was seeing things. If he was just a figure of my imagination. All of my worries left my mind. The only thing I cared about was that my brother was here. I could see him. I could feel him. That was the only thing that mattered; dreaming or not.