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I was standing in front of Tyler at the altar. I had never pictured myself in a white gown, flowers all over, or even a ring on my finger. But somehow Tyler made me want to get married and start a family. Staring into his bright green eyes he was saying his vows, and it took me back to the time when I knew I was going to marry him.
“Ashley!” I heard him yell.
I didn’t answer, I was to busy floating in the pool and not giving a care in the world to deal with him. In fact, I didn’t want to deal with this right now. Why couldn’t he just understand that?
“Ashley!” I heard him yell, yet again.
At this rate he was going to wake up the whole neighborhood.
I knew I couldn’t stay hidden for long. He knew all my hiding spots, and he soon would know where I was. It was around 10:05 at least. The stars were bright and the moon was full and glowing, its reflection landing on my pool. The night had a slight breeze to it, which was something I loved.
I had left his house with tears down my face only a few minutes ago. He lived across the street from me so it wasn’t a long walk home. He gave me a few minutes of space to cool off before he could come find me. But I was still pissed at him for all this.
I closed my eyes and knew he was watching me. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to deal with this anymore and I certainly didn’t want to talk about it.
Tyler was the most gorgeous person I knew, both inside and out. He was caption of the football team, light blonde shaggy hair, and the most memorizing green eyes you could ever imagine. He was tall, a little over 6”3.
We were totally opposite people. I was 5”4, short blonde hair, pale as a ghost, and dark blue-gray eyes. I was a nobody till he came along. Only a few people in school knew my name, and most of them never even acknowledged me. I was shy and liked to sit in the back of the classroom, but that all changed the first day he asked me out, but that’s another story for a different time.
We seemed like the perfect couple, but all “perfect couples” have a downfall right? Well tonight was ours, and it was either going to make us, or break us.
I opened my eyes just in time to see him jump in.
“Would you please talk to me?” He asked, trying to stay calm.
“About what?” I said not as calm as I wanted to be.
“You know what about!” He yells, I knew he couldn’t stay calm for long.
The past few minutes had gone by in a blur, and now I had time to think about everything that had happened.
We were sitting in his room watching some TV show that neither of us were paying attention to. We were just happy to be together. Football took him away for most of the week, so every weekend we spent together catching up and reminding ourselves why we fell in love in the first place. I hadn’t even thought about what my sleeves were hiding when I rolled them up. Living in NC during summer, it gets pretty hot, and I didn’t have time to cover my arms this morning.
The second my arms were showing he flung up.
“What are these?” He asked looking confused
I looked at my wrist, ashamed, angry, sad, and a little bit happy that someone was finally seeing them.
“You know what they are.” I said without looking at him, the tears were already filling my eyes.
“When did you start cutting yourself?”
“Three years ago.”
“But, you wear short sleeves all the time and I’ve never noticed.”
“That my dear friend, is the power of makeup.” I say laughing, trying to lighten the mood.
“This isn’t funny.”
After that, it all went downhill. We started fighting about everything, and that ended with me running down the stairs and slamming his front door. He called after me the whole time I ran back home. I knew there was no place to go, so I just jumped in the pool and eventually he did the same.
“Can you please just tell me why?” He asked with tears running down his face, I had never seen him cry before.
“Which reason do you want? My parents splitting up? Mom getting remarried to the biggest douche ever and never being around? My sister running away? Having this be my 18th move and not having friends or feeling like I belong?” I yelled at him. This was too much and I couldn’t bottle it all up inside anymore. I was crying now, and I knew nothing was going to stop the tears.
“He wrapped his arms around me and told me we should get out of the water. We were sitting in the backyard, and I told him everything. When it had started, how I covered it up, and the other places I had found when my arms just had no more room.
Eventually it got to cold to stay outside, and I knew that no one was home so I invited him inside to continue our conversation.
“I just want to know why you didn’t come to me.” I knew how he felt, he felt like I didn’t trust him.
“I didn’t know how you’d react, and I didn’t want you to look at me like I was a charity case.”
“I wouldn’t have done that, I would have helped you.”
“Well in a way you sorta did.” After not looking at him since we started this conversation, I looked up saw his green eyes looking at me.
“September 16th.” I responded and I knew that he knew exactly what that date was.
It was the first night he told me he loved me, and I couldn’t say it back. He accepted that though, for reasons I will never know.
“And I haven’t picked up a blade since.”
He smiled and pulled me in for a kiss.
“I love you Tyler Erickson.”
I could feel him smile as he pulled me in tighter for a kiss, this one had more passion and more love than ever before.
I hadn’t cut in four years thanks to Tyler. Every morning and every night he tells me he loves me, and all my scars, and kisses me. I snap back to the moment just in time to reply with my vows, and finally I was Mrs. Ashley Erickson.