"Tyler, don't stay up too late and don't piss your dad off, Please!" Mom grabbed her coat and headed for the door.

"Seriously mom, call me Rayne, Tyler is such a guy name. You wouldn't have to worry about me pissing him off if he wasn't an alcoholic." She gave me that face, the one that lets me know she's sorry, but can't help anything. It annoys me so much because it makes me feel sorry for not liking him, like it's my fault we don't get along.

"I love you, Tyler. I'll be back later. Don't piss him off! I mean it!" She shuts the door behind her.

"It's Rayne!" I scream at the closed door.

"Keep the damn noise down!" My dad stumbles to the door frame of the living room. holding himself up with one hand on the wall and in the other, a half finished bottle of whiskey.

My phone vibrated, "Sorry dad." I mumbled, opening a text. It was my best friend Sammi.

"Wanna come over tonight?" I hit reply, "Let me ask my dad."

“Dad, can I go over to Sammi’s?” He looks at me and stumbled over next to me then sat down, and ran his fingers through my hair.

“Why would you want to go to Sammi’s, when you can stay here with me?” The whiskey on his breath burns my nostrils.

“I’d have more fun at Sammi’s.” I back away, out of his reach.

“Fun? You wanna have fun?” He creeps closer. “I can be fun.” Closer. Closer. Too close.

“Dad stop! What are you doing?” Panic fills my system. His hands roughly, with hurtful intentsions grab my body.

“But you said you wanted to have fun?” I try to scream but he covers my mouth. “Stop screaming!” With a simple shove he pushes me down the floor. He stands up and walks to the door frame. My heart hammers with relief, then fright. He’s not leaving me here. He’s not done. He turns off the lights. I'll never forget the horrifying sound of his zipper slowly being unzipped. I roll into a ball, and shut my eyes. Footsteps, closer, closer, closer. He grabs my hair and jerks me off the floor, making me scream.

“I haven’t given you a reason to scream yet.” Tears over flow my eyes and begin to rush down my face. He slings me onto the couch, within a second he’s on top of me. Up my shirt, under my bra, his hands find what he’s looking for. I try kicking, but it’s no use. I know I can’t stop him. His hand travels down my body, to my pants. Almost as if he’s done this before, he has then off in no time. Touching, rubbing, grabbing. This isn’t right.

“Stop! You’re drunk!” He doesn’t listen. He smacks me in the face. And keeps on going. He shimmy’s his pants off. And I know what’s about to happen. He grabs my mouth, squeezing it shut. The pain was unbearable. The pain of skin tearing. The kind of pain that makes you have white flashes. I squeal because of the enormous amount of discomfort.

“Oh, You like that?” He’s disgusting. When I think it’ll never end, he finally stops. He stands up and wobbles for a moment then catches his balance.

“Tell anyone, and I swear they'll be the last words you ever speak.” He walks to my mom’s and his room shuts and locks the door.

“What did I do to deserve this?” I cry to myself, laying there sobbing. Wishing I could die. The humiliation, and the embarrassment, the pain. I limp to my bathroom and look in the mirror.

“My dad just raped me…” I say out loud. My reflection looks like a ghost. More so a familiar stranger. The dark down hair, looks the same. The usual mint green eyes looked darker. The latte skin was even a little paler. I ran a bath, and sat in there for a good two hours. Starring at absolutely nothing, just thinking…
Should I tell someone?
No… To risky, he said he’d kill me, I believe him too.
But, maybe I can get him sent to jail for it, how could he kill me if he’s locked up?
You don’t get life for rape do you?
No… He’d kill me when he got out, for sure!
This is all moms fault!
She’s the one that left me here alone, when I begged her to stay!
I hate this;
I can’t tell anyone. Absolutely no one.




If I act like this never happened. Maybe I will eventually start to believe it. My water was so cold my body was becoming numb; so I got out and wrapped a white fluffy towel around my body. I opened the door slowly and peaked out. There he was, on the couch, drunk. I ran on my tip toes to my room. Not making a sound. The carpet soft and squishy beneath my toes. I didn’t even bother looking for clothes to put on. I locked my door, turned off my light, and laid down, naked in my bed. I looked at my clock, 2:23 AM.

Where was mom? She’s usually back by now. If she’d stayed home, none of this would have happened! Whatever, I don’t wanna think about it. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the images in my head, so that maybe, just maybe I could get some sleep.

When I woke up, I heard the sound of sizzling bacon, I threw some clothes on and walked to the kitchen.

“How’d it go last night sweetie?” She looked at me and smiled. I couldn’t stand her right now. This was all her fault. For leaving me some where unsafe. But I knew I couldn’t tell. So I just shrugged,

“Same as usually, I guess.” I picked up a piece of toast.

“That’s good then. No cops were called, and no one got killed.” She laughed at herself.

“Not yet.” I mumbled to myself.

“What’s that?” She asked.

“Oh, nothing.”

* * *
Time seemed to fly by, before I knew I’d known it, a month had gone by.

I knew it, I felt it. And everyone around me, watched as I spiraled out of control, deep into depression. I’d disconnected myself from everything, and everyone. When people came around me, they acted as if they were walking on nails. Knowing that one tiny slip-up would cause me to switch onto an all out crying episode. I couldn’t climb out of this darkness they’d put me in. I avoided my dad as much as possible.

My phone vibrated. I know this might sound childish. But I was so excited I actually thought someone had missed me, and sent me a text. But... Nope. It was my calendar, reminding me how mother natures lovely gift would be here today.

“Great, just what I wanted.” I threw my phone onto my bed. And looked at the pictures on my walls. Pictures of me and my so called, “family.” These people weren’t my family. I have never hated two people more in my entire life. I got up and walked slowly over to my wall, in front of my bed. I got as close as I could to that photo. The one of my dad. I got nose to nose with him.

“I hate you. You stole something from me, and you act like it doesn’t even bother you.” I starred at his photo. Eyes just like mine, his curly hair, perfect. His bright white straight teeth, shinning. I couldn’t stand it. I grabbed the photo and with everything I had in me threw it across my room. Shattering it into a million tiny pieces.

“Now you.” I walked over to the photo of my mother. Her bright blue eyes, and cute little nose. So pretty. Off the wall her picture flew. I heard loud footsteps running to my room. Heavy footsteps, Which meant – Dad.

“What in the hell are you doing?!” He screamed. I froze, what could I say? Oh, just throwing your picture across my room, because you ruined my life. No, I couldn’t say that. He’d kill me.

“Nothing, just moving some things around.” I turned away from him, my heart racing, I pretended to be interested in my necklaces laying on my dresser.

“Well keep the noise down then. God, sounds like you’re busting windows.” He shut my door then thudded his way down the stairs. Then I remembered my phone. And the reminder it gave me. My period was always on time. So I grabbed a pair of underwear and some sweat pants then went to the bathroom. I pulled my down my pants and,

“What the hell?” Nothing was there. Clean, spotless even. That’s freakishly weird. I pulled my cell phone out, and dialed Sammi’s number.

“Yo! Wassup chicka?” She sounded drunk, but that was normal.

“Dude, where are you? You need to come here now!” I shouted into my phone.

“Woah, okay! Your house?” She asked.

“Yeah! But um, can you bring me something on the way?” I was about to throw up, thinking about asking this made me want to die.

“Yeah, sure. Whatcha need?”

“A pregnancy test...”

* * *

“Oh my god Tyler. What are you gonna do?” Sammi hugged me as I starred at that stupid, pink positive sign.

“I honestly don’t know. How am I going to tell my mom?” Tears over flowed my eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had sex with someone? Don’t you think your best friend deserves to know?” A lump built up in my troat. Should I tell her? I need to tell someone.

“Because, I didn’t have sex, with anyone.” She gave me a look that simply said, bull s***.

“Okay, now you’re gonna try and tell me you’re the new virgin Mary? Because I wont believe you.” I looked down bracing myself to tell her.

“I didn’t have sex, not really anyways. I was... I was raped.” She didn’t say anything, so I looked up at her, tears streamed down her face.

“Do you know by who?” She shivered as she took a deep breath.

“Yes.” I closed my eyes, picturing my own “dad.”

“Who was it Tyler?” She shook me by my shoulders, “Why haven’t you turned the guy in?” She looked me right in the eyes.

“He said he would kill me if I told.” I looked away, and glanced in the mirror. “My dad.”

“Bullshit! Stop lyin’!” She pushed me away from her. I jumped up.

“Why would I lie about this?!” I screamed.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” She wiped the tears from her face and stood to leave.


“Girls, what’s going on in there?” My mom lightly knocked on the door, then walked right in. There stood Sammi, crying. Me sitting, crying. And worst of all, there laid the used pregnancy test, with a light pink positive sign. Her face was bright red,

“Who’s is it?” she whispered.

“Mine.” Was all I could say.

“Yeah, and she’s trying to say it’s Steve’s. Saying he raped her.” She stormed past mom and out the front door.
* * *
November 3
Mom doesn’t believe me. No one does. But she took me to the doctor and it’s true. I am pregnant. Two months along. Most people would be so happy. But I’m not. I’m mad, and scared. I’m mad because, I’m pretty sure it’s my “dads.” I can’t stand me and my “dad” becoming one person. I’m scared because, what if it comes out looking deformed! Isn’t that what the bible says will happen or something? God, I’m stressing. I’ve been on the news already. I’ve told everyone it’s “dads”, and that he raped me. But everyone says I’m lying. Why does no one believe me? I’ll bet you it’s because my “dads” a cop. Well, you know what. When this demon child is born, we are getting a DNA test. And he’ll go to his own jail! That’ll be the best day, ever!
Love, Rayne.

December 3
Another doctor visit today, 3 months along! Only six more to go ): But the doctor says everything is going good. The baby is the right size, and everything is going great. He told me both of us are very healthy. So, that’s good. Even though I don’t want the baby, I want it to be healthy and beautiful.
Love, Rayne.

January 3
4 months along. I’m glad my mom got my monthly doctor visits all on the 3rd. makes it so much easier to keep track of where I am. The baby has started kicking! Yeah, it hurts sometimes. But that’s exciting! I can’t wait till next month’s appointment. I’ll get to find out the gender! I’m hoping it’s a girl! I’m not sure why… I just am. It’s getting harder at school. I can hear them whisper about me when I walk by. And they look at me funny. I’ve even heard some call me a whore. Why would they say that about me? They don’t even know the whole story. So I wish before they judge me, they’d get to know me, and my story.
Love, Rayne.

February 3
It’s almost time for my doctor appointment! 5 months already! Here’s my list of names so far.
Girl

Kristin
Holly
Zoey
Lynn

Boy

Anthony
Clouse
James
Timothy

Middle Names
Boy : Tyler
Girl: Ruth

Love, Rayne.

I’m so mad! I have to wait a whole months before I hopefully get to know the gender. The baby was facing the wrong way, So we couldn’t see. Also the doctor told me the baby is below average in size. That scares me. He said not to worry though. It’ll cause stress on the baby if I do.
Love, Rayne.
March 3
IT’S A BOY! Finally 6 months! But he’s still too small. I don’t know what to do! I asked the doctor what he thought I should do. He told me the baby will grow at his own pace, and there is not much I can do. I feel bad! I want him to be normal. It's not his fault how he happened...
Love, Rayne.
April 3
Only two more months. I’m so excited, it’s insane. Seems like only yesterday I was one month pregnant. The doctor the doctor says the baby’s heartbeat is perfect and he’s up to size. We are having the baby shower next month. But, I doubt many people actually show up!
Love, Rayne.
May 3
Mom had to come pick me up from school early today, people were messing with me about being pregnant. And started calling me a lying whore. Seriously? I never do anything to anyone. But I did have a doctor appointment today! (Clearly. It’s the 3rd.) He told me everything was on track. I’m 8 months pregnant, and I’m HUGE! I don’t even look like me anymore. It’s crazy how having a baby in you can change even how you look at yourself…
Love, Rayne.
May 8
We had the baby shower today. The only people that even showed up were, my grandma, “dad”, mom, and Aunt Shelia, my cousin Katy, and Sammi. Even though only they showed up, I got a lot of gifts for the baby and we had a blast. I got a ton of clothes for him, and a lot of bay bottles. Today was great.
Love, Rayne.
May 26
Anthony James is going to be his name. I made my mind up after thinking about it for almost five months! That’s a beautiful name. I can’t wait to look at him and say,
“I love you Anthony James.”
Love, Rayne.
June 3

“Well Tyler, be expecting to go into labor any day now.” Dr. Spencer smiled.
“I’m so excited! But I’m so, so scared. There’s no chance of me having to have a C-section is there!” I was not wanting to walk around with scars all over my stomach.
“No Tyler.” He laughed. “He is in perfect position.”
“Alright, well how soon can we get a DNA test after birth?” I asked
“Are you sure you want to do that Tyler?” He asked. “I mean, they just now quit talking about it on the news. Just imagine if it isn’t your dads. They will have a field day with that.” Even though he was right, I wanted him put in jail for raping me. He deserved it.
“Yes, I’m sure Dr. Spencer.” I smiled. “How soon after birth can I have one?”
“I’d give it a week. Just so you can spend time with the baby before the news starts bothering you over it.” Dr. Spencer clicked his pen.
“Alright Tyler. I’ll come see you after the baby is born. You’re still going to bring Anthony to me right? I want to be his doctor too!”
“Yes Dr. Spencer. Wouldn’t dream of taking him anywhere else. You should know that!” I told him.
“Well, I’ll see you later. Take care.”
“You too!” Then I stood and walked out the door. I walked down to the bus stop and waited for the 3:00 bus to come by. When it finally did, I got on and sat in the very front seat.
“Will you be getting off at the first or second stop?” The bus driver asked me.
“The second.” I smiled.
“Alright, that’ll be $15.00”
“I’m using my bus pass.” I pulled it out and handed it to him to scan. When we finally started moving, I couldn’t help but think about my baby boy, Anthony. I hope he looks just like me. He’s going to be adorable. Over the course of these nine months, I’d decided to keep Anthony. No matter what – I’d been attached to him for nine months. How could I just up and leave him? I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t.

June 6
I can’t believe I’m actually laying in the hospital bed! Where I’m going to have Anthony. The pain is outrageous though. It’s so bad, it’s hard to write. So this will be my last journal entry today.
Love, Rayne.
“Remember to breath, Tyler that’s very important.” The doctor told me. “You’re gonna push for ten seconds, then take a very small break.” My heart hammered, and the pain was unbearable.
“Okay, yeah, sure.” I was already feeling lightheaded.
“Okay Tyler, push!” With everything I had in me I pushed for those very long ten seconds.
“Alright. Breath, Tyler…” We repeated this so many times until finally, I heard him. I heard Anthony, his cry was loud and piercing. But it was truly the best sound I’ve ever heard. My baby boys first sound. I’ll never forget it.
“Here he is, Tyler.” The doctor handed him to me, and I looked into his bright green eyes. I studied him. From his dark brown hair that was on top of his head, to his small toes and his tiny feet.
“Anthony James Hall. My beautiful baby boy…” I couldn’t help but smile. He was simply perfect. All of my worrying about having a deformed baby seemed ridiculous now.
“Tyler, we need to take him and inspect him.” I didn’t want to let him go. But I didn’t have a choice. I watched him walk away with my whole world in his arms. A peppy blonde came bouncing into my room and honestly I was instantly annoyed by how energetic she was.
“Hi! My names Emily. I’m here to get all the information for the birth certificate from you.” Me and my mom looked at each other and automatically knew what the other was thinking. But, I would have to be the one to speak.
“Well, you see Emily, we would rather wait to fill it out until we get the DNA test Friday. I’m sorry.” She gave me a questioning look.
“DNA test? You mean you don’t who the dad is?” The stung to hear, her voice didn’t have any tone of kindness, nor sympathy. I could tell she’d already come to one conclusion in her head about me. – Whore. I knew the truth though. Just to shove it in her face I told her all about it.
“Actually, I have a pretty good idea. But, I want the guy who raped me to go to jail. If you really want to know!” The shock on her face was priceless.
“Oh…Okay. Well, I’m sorry. I’ll see you Friday then…”
“You sure will.” I smiled a bitchy smile and watched a not- so peppy Emily leave my room.





* * *

June 11
Today is the day we go get Anthony’s DNA test! And the day my dumbass dad goes to get locked up in his own jail. I’ve never been more excited for anything in my life! Well – Other than Anthony <3
Love, Rayne.
"We’ve got the results back. Are you sure you want to know the answer to this?” Dr. Spencer asked nervously. News wans, reporters, and curious by standers waited outside for the results. I looked at Anthony, sleeping. I studied him, from his dark brown hair, his big cheeks, and tubby belly, to his tiny, tiny toes.
“Yes. I’m absolutely positive. I want everyone to know the truth.” Dr. Spencer slowly pulled out a long white sheet of paper and scanned over it with his eyes. The anxiety was about to kill me. I wanted to hear someone tell me it was true. To admit they’d been wrong. I wasn’t a liar.
“Tyler …” I couldn’t stand this.
“Yes Dr. Spencer!” I was on the edge of my seat.
“After doing a DNA test, between Anthony and Steve, the results say …” He flipped a page.
“Steve … Isn’t the dad?” Horror is the only way I can even come close to explaining the look that might be on my face, if not him, than whom?
“What!” I ran over and grabbed the papers from his hands.
“Steve’s not the dad, Tyler.” This couldn’t be happening. What would people say about me now? They already call me a liar. And said I was only doing this for attention.
“Tyler! What in the hell is all this bullshit! You’ve been saying for months your dad raped you and it’s for sure his!” She had me pinned up against the wall. “Why would you lie about this!”
“I swear he raped me!” I cried. “I wouldn’t lie about this, mom. Why won’t you believe me?” she threw me to the floor.
“I’m done with you Tyler. I mean done! Look at the mess you’ve made of your life! You’re nothing but an embarrassment!” She stomped out the door, as Dr. Spencer came rushing to my side. Of course by now Anthony had started crying.
“Tyler. Are you okay honey?” I just lay there, looking up. “Do you have any idea who’s Anthony’s dad?” I couldn’t speak. But I could sure as hell think …







* * *
October 5th. That was the last day I remember actually being happy and being myself. Everything felt so right. After everything that had happened to me, I felt like I didn't deserse anything or anyone. But Paul... He made me forget about all of my worries, he literally deleted all of my horrifying memoires of that night with my dad. He called me and demanded nicely, that I go on a date with him to see Amarillo Sunsets with him. He knew I'd been locked up in my house for days, which wasn't like me at all. So, I went... The movie, was a romance movie. Needless to say, it was your normal cheesy chick flick, but I appreciated it, I had a great time. He was such a gentleman, and he was so funny, and something about his smile made my heart melt. I cant remember the ending too well, but I do remember how his hands felt pressed against me. Like I said, everything felt so right... It felt so right, it couldn't possibly be wrong.






* * *
I wrung his doorbell, twice actually, before he answered the door.
“Hey!” Paul smiled.
“Hey Paul, I’ve got something to tell you. Can I come in?”
“Of course you can!” He stepped to the side to let me in. Paul lived in a huge house, I mean huge! His dad owned half the city, that’s where all the money came from. He walked me through the grand entrance and into the living room. He sat down on the white couch, so I sat on the love seat across the table. I studied Paul, and I noticed it then, the resemblance between Paul and Anthony. The dark brown hair, and those charming bright green eyes.
“You said you have something to tell me?” He sounded kind of suspicious. Probably wondering why I was sitting here checking him out.
“Yeah. I’m sure you’ve heard on the news that my dad isn’t Anthony’s dad. And the judge claimed that he wasn’t guilty.” He nodded. “Well, I was wondering if you could do something for me.”
“I’ll do anything for you Rayne. What do you need?” he stood and came over and sat down next to me. It gave me butterflies hearing him call me Rayne, I always wanted to go by Rayne, it's so much more girlier than Tyler.
“I really don’t know how you’ll react to this but, I need you to take a DNA test for Anthony. You’re the only other guy I’ve had sex with, Paul. I’m sorry, but you have a son.”





* * *
So, here I sat again, in Dr. Spencer’s office. But this time I was with Paul.
“Alright Tyler, you ready?” Dr. Spencer had that same big folder.
“Yes sir.” Paul squeezed my hand. I’m so lucky to have him. Paul told me he was going to help with Anthony, and he'd be a great dad.
“Well, let’s see.” He flipped to the back. “Paul Wolf. You are the farther of Anthony James Hall. Congratulations.” I jumped up and hugged Paul.
“I’m so happy it’s you!” I squealed I ran over to where Anthony was laying.
“Anthony, I promise till the day I die, I will love you with everything in me. I will never let anything hurt you. I kissed him on his rosy cheek.
“Rayne.” Paul came up behind me.
“Yes?”
“I promise till the day I die, I will love you with everything in me. I will never let anything hurt you.” He pulled me close, and kissed me on the lips. A kiss that let me know, he meant every word. Once again, my life felt so right, it couldn't possibly be wrong.