DOCUMENT1 | Teen Ink


May 27, 2013
By E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments

The loud, obnoxious beeping of my alarm yanks me out of my fantasy filled dreams and back into the cold reality. I yawn and roll out of bed before I change my mind and decide to go back to the never ending bliss of my mind.

I stumble my way into the bathroom and take a shower like it is just another day, only it isn't. Today is very special, not that anyone will notice. After I return to my room, I open my closet and pick out my best looking clothes, the ones I have never worn before. I fix my tie to be perfect before combing my hair, another thing which I never do.

Now it’s time for the walk upstairs to breakfast. I can already smell my dad’s bitter coffee. It’s probably being sipped from his “World’s Greatest Dad” mug my sister got him last year. My mother’s hair dryer is screaming, trying to be kept in the background by my younger brother watching sports.

When I finally arrive in the kitchen, I open up the bread box, and start making myself some toast. I don’t even know how to make it so the toaster doesn't burn it. As I put the bread down, I glance over my shoulder. Dad’s head is buried in the local news section. I turn to see Mom putting the finishing touches on her makeup.

“Danny, how did your spelling test go?” I ask my brother who has just finished gobbling up the last of his sugary cereal.

“Good.” He responds after walking past me to put his bowl in the dishwasher.

I turn to my father. “Dad, have you heard when Marissa will come home for Independence Day?” He doesn't respond. I have to call him by his first name again. “Sam?”

“Hm?” He asks, still not peeking his head out of its paper cocoon.

“When’s Marissa coming home for-“

“She’s coming back for the fourth.”

I put on my best impression of a smile. “Thanks.”

Mom comes scurrying out of the bathroom. “Come on guys, we’re going to be late!” My family goes starts scrambling for the door. Quickly, I run to the edge of the stairs. I can smell that the toaster definitely burned my breakfast.

“Mom, Dad, I have something important to tell you!” I yell across the house.

Mom checks her watch, and then reaches for the doorknob. “I’m sorry honey, I’m late. You can tell me when we get back from work. Bye.” She slams the door, and I can hear the car pull out of the driveway.

“I’m going to kill myself.” I say. It’s the first time I've said it out loud. It’s real now. Before, it was just a cry for help, a message on a poster I hung in my room for my parents to see. Now it’s real.

I've had the noose all ready for a week now, hoping someone would come in my room and see it. Dad even ran by and called me up for dinner. My door was open, he must have seen it. Was it just that he didn't care?

I walk down to my room. I’m ready, I have no regrets. I breathe in my final gulps of air. They’re filled with the smoke from my burnt toast. I boot up the computer sitting on my desk. It has my note typed on it in plain text. I never named it. At the top it reads: DOCUMENT1.

I climb up on the chair, and fit the rope around my neck. I let my mind go blank, almost. Just one thought sticks in my head as I fall and feel the rope go taught; they didn't even say “I love you.”

Similar Articles


This article has 11 comments.

on Aug. 27 2013 at 11:28 pm
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments
Hey, Amaranthinium. Thanks for your pointing out of my basic writing mistakes. I love it when people point them out when I do have them so I can sort them out later. I also loved how in your very very detailed comments that assummed that the unnamed MC as being a girl, even though I envisioned them as being a boy. It really tells me that people start out reading this as if it is themselves (I'm assuming you're a female, sorry if I'm wrong), or even as somebody completely different than whom I first envisioned. I also know that soem parts seem unrealistic, and that's because borrowed the idea from the movie Horsemen, in which a teen pretty much goes crazy and starts killing people, and all his father needed to do to know that something was wrong was to look into his room, in which literally everything was colored or painted white, to know something was wrong. I thought that a noose hanging in the middle of the room was a lot less noticable, but carried an equal weight in that something was wrong. I also wanted to get the point across that the main charactors family didn't talk to them at all besides basic, roboticly routine things, and that the yell of "I'm going to kill myself!" as the final try to let her parents know what was wrong, not the first. Thanks so much for this wonderful feedback! I will try to make what you suggested very clear in a revised addition. Maybe then it'll win an editior's choice award!

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 27 2013 at 9:12 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 523 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

This was real interesting, actually. The beginning was a little long for me, but I did like the twist at the end. I thought the title was an accident, a typo at first! :) That was really creatively done. The message here is so powerful, so emotional. Awesome job, really, Keep it up! :-)

on Aug. 27 2013 at 6:41 pm
Amaranthinium GOLD, Dade City, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not let numbers tell you what to do. You are blood and earth, not theory and chalk." -Welcome to Night Vale

Now, the following is just me personally. It struck me as melodramatic and unrealistic that your character had a noose in her room that her father most likely saw - and didn't care about. Don't worry about it too much, if you like it: you get to decide what kind of impact you want your story to have - there aren’t, or shouldn’t be, rules to how to create and feel emotions in fiction. I can also see why you included the noose bit - I mean, when you look at the real signs of suicide, it's terrible that people manage to not notice them because it seems like they should be obvious - just as obvious as an actual noose in someone's room. However, if you want to make readers really feel sad and shocked, stick to more subtle signs of how the narrator prepared for her suicide and how her parents don’t care about her. Maybe there are other things - maybe they ignored her when she tried to open up emotionally, or were always busy working, or they ignored her even when it was clear that she was feeling sad. Maybe they were the ones who brought her down - did they not pay enough attention to her? Did they expect too much out of her?
The thing is, it’s more realistic that way and, in turn, is more likely to have an even greater emotional effect on the reader. If the parents are so unsympathetic and blind that they can’t see the narrator literally hanging a noose in her bedroom, they’re don’t seem human - they’re cartoon villains or cardboard cut-outs, not like anyone we could relate to. But if you show smaller things, like how the parents dismiss the narrator’s moods or get too caught up in their own lives to talk to her, then that’s something that real people actually do - in fact, it’s something that your readers might realize they themselves have done to a friend or family member who was unhappy. And when you get people to connect that personally to your story, you can create an even stronger emotional reaction. Like I said, I can understand why you wrote it the way you did, and I think this story packs an emotional punch no matter what you do. That's only me personally, and your writing isn't about me. ;D Overall, this story really does leave an impression, and I'm kind of wondering where your editor's choice is for it? :P C'mon editors!

on Aug. 27 2013 at 6:33 pm
Amaranthinium GOLD, Dade City, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not let numbers tell you what to do. You are blood and earth, not theory and chalk." -Welcome to Night Vale

Love the twist here. Well, okay, I don’t love it because suicide is not a good thing, but you know what I mean. I was not expecting that. You show how we often are so caught up in our normal routine that we don’t even know - or care - when someone is in pain, and that’s a very powerful message. In this particular story, I also like the simplicity of the writing style and the brevity. You get to the point; your story stands on its own without fancy writing tricks.   One thing about the last line: it seems odd and even a little melodramatic to have your character continue narrating even as the noose goes taut. (And it is taut, by the way, not taught ;D) Instead, maybe she should have that last thought as she puts the noose around her neck or something, and then you can end the story. It’s just hard for me to imagine your character having the mental faculties to continue telling me what’s going on once they jump.   Here's nitpicking:  Here’s nitpicking: “I yawn and roll out of bed before I change my mind” - This implies to me that your character went back to bed, and yet in the next paragraph they’re up and about taking a shower. Try to avoid passive voice - don’t say “it’s being sipped from”, say “he’s probably sipping it.” Make the person who is doing the action also be the subject of the sentence.
This sentence: “trying to be kept in the background by my younger brother watching sports.” I don’t really know what you’re trying to say here. Again, try to avoid passive voice and word everything as clearly as possible. Also, the "quickly, I run" stuck out to me a lot for some reason. I know that running is quick, so you don't totally need that adverb.    

on Aug. 25 2013 at 3:04 pm
LaChouette GOLD, Mount Vernon, New York
12 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”
- George Carlin

Wow. That was an unexpected turn. That was a really good story and it made you feel for the kid. Well done.

on Jul. 29 2013 at 6:33 pm
Superhero_Fan SILVER, Tomorrowland, California
7 articles 1 photo 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Impossible; for How many people did you know who refracted your own light to you?” - Fahrenheit 451

I feel sooo bad for the MC. Poor kid didn't even get an 'I love you'! I thought it was his birthday too, and I was waiting on him to announce it. But this was way more emotional. You are an awesome writer. I usually don't read these types of stories, but you drew me in anyway. Good job.

kamkit BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2013 at 9:30 pm
kamkit BRONZE, Ventura, California
4 articles 1 photo 22 comments
i really thought it was his birthday or something and that everyone forgot...but this was so much better!! in a manner of speaking of course. Wow, very powerful. Even though the beginning was very mundane, it set e stage perfectly for the main character because that is what he/she experiences every day. I think your sentence structure on the whole is great- long sentences are usually reserved for drawn-out descriptions, and shorter sentences for action scenes. Even though it might not have seemed like it at first, this is actually an action scene, even if its only a psychological one. Still, never underestimate the use of dashes- they can creat better flowing sentences while still keeping the tone of short ones. I got kind of confused when his family left the house without him, mainly because I wasn't sure of his age and thought they would be dropping him off at school...maybe clear that up. Good content, great twist, keep writing. :)  

on Jul. 24 2013 at 8:26 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

That was so sad!! I really felt for the MC! The end was really got to me.  You really did a remarkable job for this piece.  Keep it up!  No comment of improvement from me. :)

on Jul. 24 2013 at 12:51 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

What an amazing twist at the end. I never saw it coming. It is really a great story. And I agree with BlackbeltJames that at first it seemed like it was going no where, then BAM. Haha. Some commas were needed in other places, but I still loved it. 

on Jul. 23 2013 at 11:01 pm
vegetariangirl, Hamilton, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being normal is boring - Marilyn Monroe
You only live once -?
A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit -Richard Bach

I love the story!! The ending was something I wasn't expecting, which is good. I was thinking the ending was entirely different like a school project or something!! Great story!!!

on Jun. 9 2013 at 7:39 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Wow, that was a very emotive piece by the time it came to the end. It seems to be very tedious at first, and doesnt capture the imagination much, but then suddenly it does, and perosnally I think that works to it's advantage.
There were parts where I thought you could use some more commas or break up the sentences more; especially in that first sentence. By doing this you will give more of an impact to the reader as it flows better, so they will think more fluidly as they read; it is also a very good opening, so it is best to compliment it by starting even stronger.
There is also a sentences that does not make sence "My family goes starts scrambling for the door."
Apart from that, this was a very clever piece, it captivated the readers sense of empathy. You also gave the persons emotions and how he felt and his thoughts, without even saying what caused this. You caused the reader to think and to feel for the character; well done.