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If only I could save the love of my life
"Wow, Emmie I can't believe you said that."
"Well, I know you were thinking it."
"Yes, yes indeed i was."
I looked forward to the 30 min. ride to and from school everyday. Mostly, because of Seth. We always had the most amazing conversations. When I was mad, sad, or grumpy he knew. He always had the right thing to say and he always said it at the right times. We had alot in common. I think that's why we became such good friends. He understood me and I understood him. At Least, I thought i did.
Seth, was the type of guy every girl in the school had a crush on. He had the looks, the personality, the style, and most of all he always had the right thing to say. He was different around me then he was around other girls. He opened up to me. He gave me advice. He was a sweet heart. Well at least, i thought so. The other girls might not. He had definitely been around. He slept with everyone. Unfortunately, I was also the one he told about that.
We talked about everything and i mean everything. He was my best friend. I always could talk to him. Too bad, it didn't last.
"So, Em what are you up to today hanging with that boyfriend of yours?"
"Well, of course." I said.
" How many times do i have to tell you Em? Drop the lame and get with game" He snickered in my direction.
Sarcastically, i said "Well, if any of these guys had game i would. Unfortunately, they don't"
"Yeah, I guess not all of them can be as game as me huh, Em?"
"Whatever you say." I replied
"I know i have game. If i didn't I wouldn't be at number 34." He gave that evil grin of his.
"There is a big difference between game and a pretty face, Seth"
"Just wait till graduation, my numbers will go way up then, Em"
" Sorry to tell you but, so will your STD ratings Seth." I said laughing.
He knew i won that one.
He was so fun to be around. We always had the most fun conversations. He kept me sane most the time. Until, the accident....
I'm walking down the hall way going to class and i see him. He wasn't at school for a few days and not answering my texts. I thought he was sick or something. I have never seen his face like this before. It's red, really red. His eyes are very glossy like he had been crying. I have seen him do a lot of things but, never cry. So, I run towards him. I know something is wrong with him. He is fighting back tears. I wonder what happen. What could make him cry. I grab him by the shoulders and give him a sympathetic look. He looks into my eyes and I know he can't get what he wants to say out. His jaw is clenched.
I take him outside to the lunch table on the far right where no one will bother us. I ask him whats wrong. He just shakes his head. I hug him tight and let him rest his head on my shoulders. It hurts seeing him like this. It's killing me seeing him so sad. What is so wrong that he is acting like this. It changed my view of him. I have never seen him sad before. I didn't know he was capable of being sad. It's breaking my heart. Seeing him cry, makes me want to cry. He finally looks up at me and with so much hurt in his eyes he tells me what is wrong.
"It's my little brother, Jake. He is dead."
My heart skips a beat, everything around me just stops. Jake, little Jake, the annoying little boy that always sends me random texts pretending to be Seth. The cute little boy that looks up to his older brother. The cute little boy that has the biggest crush on me.
" Oh My God! Seth, what happened!"
He can't tell me. The sobs are coming out to fast. I just hold on to him tight and not let go. I just sit there and cry with him.
He doesn't know this but, i love him. I have always loved him. It hurts so bad to see the person you love hurt so much.
Later on, he told me what had happened. Jacob, the cute little boy I knew and loved had shot himself. He was only 10 years old. Apparently, he came home with a black eye and kids at school had said he was being bullied. Seth came home and found him laying dead on the floor with his fathers gun.
After that, Seth was never the same. He hardly, ever smiled. On the way to school we didn't talk much anymore. He just stared in silence. I never knew what to say to him, I couldn't make what happened any better. Things just kept getting worse for him. His parents divorced.
The thing that hurts the most is knowing that someone you love is hurting and there is nothing you can do about it.
At graduation, i actually seen him smile. His parents didn't show up though. They lost it after little Jacobs death. Seth was on his own now. He had been so sad since that happened but, on graduation day he seemed like the old Seth again. The Seth i missed and loved. I didn't know why he was all of a sudden healed but i liked it. I really missed him.
After graduation, it was like he disappeared. I didn't see him for months. I was worried, very worried.
On a Sunday afternoon, I got the phone call. My best friend that i was in love with, had also died, of an overdose.
If only I had the right words to say like he always had...
If only I made him feel like he always made me feel.....
If only I had noticed the signs....
If only i had been there more for him.....
If only Knew how to save the love of my life....