Today I told her.
I told her today.
And I can’t get over it.
I thought about it in detail. Over, and over. I tried to tell her, but there was always some obstacle. I told her today. And I can’t believe it myself.
The end is beginning, or, maybe, this is the beginning of the end. Either way, that’s where I’ll start. I tormented myself about her reaction all night. I don’t know how she really is taking it. She hides behind that mask. It’s where she’s comfortable. Behind it, I am sure that at least one dark shadow slithering. With me, those shadows crept into my body, ate my flesh, and stood up under my skin so that now, I am only held up by the lengths of shadow that no one sees.
Her reaction was generic “Don’t worry! I like you how you are.” But her smile. That gorgeous smile that hides everything. She’s such a good friend to us but no one really knows her. I don’t know if she’s ever had anything like this happen before to her. Her reaction is what people think they’re supposed to do.
I only told her I loved her. I can’t believe I did it. I told her I was bi and then told her, not straight out because I couldn’t manage that, that I love her. She didn’t even have time to get used to the idea.
I’d been thinking about what I was going to say for a long time, but nothing seems right. How do you tell a girl you love her? I knew I ran the risk of being cast away because she seems to have strong religious beliefs that would make her turn away from my confession.
Kiala. She. She is perfect, so nice to everyone, caring, and always smiling. She’s fourteen but unbelievably innocent. She is, without doubt the most beautiful person I have ever, will ever know.
I wish I could tell her that but for now it is an empty confession, and events are waiting to play out. I wish I could assure you that everything turns out, even if it turns out badly, but all I know for tonight is that tonight it turned out.