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We were at lunch, at our little table, eating our food in peace and quiet, when Molly finally spoke up.
“Kayleb,” Molly said to me. “You should SO go to the prom with me!”
“Ugh…Mol, prom is SO gay…” Darcy replied, in a mimic-ky voice.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to go to the prom with her. It’s not that I didn’t like her. It’s just that…I didn’t like her…in that way…if you know what I mean…
Also, I didn’t like the fact, that Darcy used the wrong gay to insult something. I’m fine with the fact that she doesn’t like prom. That’s OK. I don’t really think I want to go to prom either. She thinks she’s making some kind of “punk” statement by not going. I just have other reasons.
“What?” Molly asked, her tone showing that she was completely shocked. “I thought you liked me!”
“I like you,” I said in response. “Just not like that…”
Then, she made her trademark puppy dog face, which I hated with an intense passion. It always made me feel extremely guilty.
“Okay. Okay. Okay, I’ll go.”
Then, she got up from the cafeteria bunch and hugged me around my neck.
“Oh, Kayleb,” she said in her cute little voice. “I LOVE YOU!!!”
Later, after school, I was at home, sitting in my bed doing my homework when I hear a little knock on my door.
“What is it?” I ask in an annoyed tone of voice.
“It’s your mom, Kayleb,” she responded.
I reluctantly got up and opened the door.
“Do you want to go to church with me this weekend?” she asked me, before seeing me shake my head.
I’ve always respected Christians and the church and all…It’s just that I never really felt accepted there. In case you didn’t know…I’m was straight as a curved line….and as far as I knew, the church didn’t believe people like me had the right to get married to each other. I mean, I respected their beliefs and everything…it’s just that I didn’t agree with that one belief.
My parents were wicked Christian. It’s just that they had a little habit of sleeping too late and missing church. They wanted so badly to get into the habit of going to church every Sunday, for once and for all.
In case you’re wondering, you know, about my homosexuality…my parents and my friends didn’t know. I didn’t really care to tell them about it either. The only people who knew…well as far as I knew, were myself, and my friend, Nate. Nate was the most flamboyantly gay person I’ve ever met.
One day, I was over his house…and we, well, we kissed. It felt great. That’s the day when I found out I was gay. Before that, we were still friends. You know, I didn’t think anything of his sexuality. I never thought about sexuality to begin with before that kiss. I wasn’t sexually attracted to neither boys nor girls.
On Friday, it was time for the dreaded event that I had to go to: prom.
I wore an old suit of my fathers. It was dirty and had holes in it. But I didn’t care. Neither did my dad. Only my mother did. She wanted me to look nice for prom, especially since she loved Molly so much.
I went to prom, and I greeted Molly with a hug. I got her some roses. She grabbed them out of my hand and thanked me over and over again for them.
We did all the regular stuff that you’re supposed to do at prom. Then came the dancing part of it.
Lady Gaga (Nate’s favorite musical artist) blared through the speakers as Molly and I danced with each other. As we were dancing, Molly kissed me…right on the lips.
I was fine with going to prom with her and everything…as friends. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t expect her to love me as anything else other than a friend.
I didn’t know how to tell her I didn’t like her like that, so I kept my mouth shut. Then, I saw him…I saw Nate…
He walked over to us.
“What are you doing?” he asked in his girly, high-pitched voice. “I thought you loved me…I guess not.”
“You’re gay?” Molly asked in reply, astonished, forming tears in her eyes.
Nate and I reluctantly nodded.
Molly walked away crying. I wanted so badly to help her, but I didn’t know how to. I stopped to tell Nate the story, which he didn’t believe. Then, I tried to find Molly.
I took about fifteen minutes to find her, but when I finally found her, I found her sitting on a bench outside the school, crying on Darcy’s shoulder.
It turns out she did end up going to prom after all. Some skate punk boy asked her, and of course she said yes to that.
“GET AWAY FROM US, FAG!” Darcy yelled. “WE DON’T WANT NO PART OF A FAG LIKE YOU!”
I saw Molly mouth the words “Darcy, wait” but Darcy covered her mouth. I had no choice but to walk away from this awful scene.
When I went to school the next day, I went to my locker, and saw a million vulgar words written on it in capital letters. They were words like: QUEER, GAY, FAG, FAGGOT, C*** SUCKER, D*CK LOVER, and my personal favorite, QUIERD.
I felt bad for Molly because now I could feel the tears starting to form up in my eyes, and it didn’t feel good…
When I went home, I saw my parents. They knew all about it.
“Is it true?” my dad asked me, with a concerned tone and an even more concerned look on his face.
“You’re gay?” my mom asks, before covering her mouth with her hand.
I didn’t need to answer. She already knew. So did my father.
“GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE,” My dad yells pointing at the door. “WE DON’T NEED A FAGGOT LIKE YOU LIVING IN OUR HOUSE.”
I stand there for a second waiting for my mom to defend me. She opens her mouth to speak but before she has a chance to, my dad yells “GET OUT NOW”.
I reluctantly walk away…I walk out of my house.
I don’t have any friends anymore, I don’t have a boyfriend any more, and now I don’t have any family anymore either.
Life is worthless.
As I’m walking, I see a car coming. I think about it for a moment, and then I jump in front of it. The car runs me over, killing me. I’m dead. I’m lifeless.
Suicide isn’t the best option. Definitely not. If you’re gay and suicidal, or even if you’re just suicidal, it gets better, I promise you.