A group of adults are lecturing me, shaking their fingers like there is some pixie dust flying out of their pointers that will cure my “upsetting disobedience.” Their limbs flail and their faces contort into ridiculous expressions. They always say that I'm the one looking out of place. I think I should hold a mirror up in front of them now and show them their inner animals dressed up in satin and pearls. Maybe then they would take a hint.

As I hear phrases like “completely unacceptable” and “total disgrace” whiz by my ears, I think back to today's lesson in Ms. Finnagin's class. It was on using vocabulary to spice up your writing. For the assignment I chose the words that sounded the funniest, like “scrupulous” and “balderdash.” I thought of another one Ms. Finnagin had mentioned now – “cacophony,” a mix of unpleasant sounds. In other words, a total ruckus. Well, that was what I faced now, a cacophony created by my crazy relatives who can't take a joke.

If home is where the heart is, I think my home is going through cardiac arrest. Everyone is spazzing out at something I didn't even do. That is always the worst, when grown-ups yell at you for something some other stupid-head did. They never believe you're innocent. Not in a million years.

I think this would make a great shot for a movie. Scene: a wizard (that's me) tries to ward off angry warlocks (my relatives). They charge at the brave and handsome wizard, but they cannot get past the clever invisible barrier he has cast. So they crowd around the valiant sorcerer, shaking their fists and yelling warlock swears. It sounds something like, “Garrgh hugug bleckel smetchlug!” I probably shouldn't tell you what that means in English.

I cover my ears to protect myself from the cacophony (see what I did there?), but that only makes their voices get louder and their faces turn redder. My dad's head looks like a tomato soaked in some hyper-growing solution that will soon make it burst into a thousand soggy bits. Now is probably not the best time to tell him that.

Okay, now this is becoming seriously too much, and I have no idea how long this lecture/sonic boom will last. Their voices invade my head until I can't even think or move or do anything except stand here like an idiot. Do I apologize for that other idiot and his affinity for pranks at the dinner table? Do I try to defend myself? Do I scream as loud as them or stay as quiet as possible? The noise is building and building and it's all so confusing and then, suddenly, it's not.

I turn and walk out of the room. I walk out of the house. I walk down the street, whistling a tune as their voices sound smaller and smaller. The wizard triumphs once again.