The biggest lie you will ever hear is, ‘everything’s going to be okay.’ It’s what they say. It’s what they always say. It doesn’t matter what it is – everything’s going to be okay. You broke your arm? Everything’s going to be okay. You broke your heart? Everything’s going to be okay? You broke your skull and your brains are bleeding all over the pavement? Everything’s going to be okay. You can taste iron in your mouth and dried blood from the muzzle of the gun, the dried blood of the last person to put it in their mouth and their spit, and you can taste all of this, and your finger’s on the trigger, and you’re about to pull? Everything’s going to be okay.

Just remember that as the bullet blows your jawbone off. As you pop those pills that make you feel so damn happy you could swear you’re in heaven and you’re not even dead yet. Just remember that. Everything’s going to be okay. As your family finds your body, everything’s going to be okay. As your blood spreads out onto the floor – everything’s going to be okay. They’ll tell it to you so often that you might even believe them. Maybe. Just maybe.

Bam.

And then again, maybe you don’t.

Pull the trigger. Swallow the pills.

I promise, it’ll make you feel so much better.

I promise.

Better by your own hand than anyone else’s, right?

Put your favorite song on iTunes. Let it wash over you. Play a slideshow of your favorite video clips. Recite your favorite quote in your mind. Watch your favorite movie.

Slide the pills into your palm.

Load the bullets into the gun.

Freeze frame to your favorite scene. Keep your favorite song on a loop. Palce your favorite book in your lap.

Put the gun in your mouth.

Raise the pills to your mouth.

This is the bit where you close your eyes, if you want. If you don’t want to see anything in your last seconds. If you want to pretend that you’re just going to sleep. If you’re going to do that, this is when you put Asleep, by the Smiths, on a loop. If you’re going to do that, you’d better take pills unless you don’t have a choice. It looks better.

This is the bit where you keep your eyes wide open, if you want. Where you run your hands over every surface, try to absorb everything you can of everything you love and pretend, just for a second, that there was nothing else. That there was no reason for this. You’re not committing suicide for anything serious – isn’t that good? This is the part where you skip ahead to your favorite scene in the movie. To your favorite part of the song. So that the last thing you see, the last thing you hear… so that it’s perfect.

Swallow the pills.

Pull the trigger.

Everything’s going to be okay.