LOST | Teen Ink


July 11, 2009
By bluejay31 SILVER, Scottsdale, Arizona
bluejay31 SILVER, Scottsdale, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments

“Mom? Dad?”

I frantically look around my surroundings. I try to find the man with the short, spiky hair. I try to find the woman with the soft, caring face. But I can’t. I can’t seem to find my parents through the traffic of vacationers and rushed businessmen. Everyone looks so rushed.

As fear starts creeping over me, I begin to realize that everything seems to be louder. I can hear the loud booms of the footsteps beating against the tile floor, which blares in my ears, causing me to tremble. The strident sound of talking echoes throughout the large building. The roaring of the airplanes can be heard. However, throughout all of the various sounds surrounding me, the thunderous thumps of my fast, pulsating heart is the loudest of all.

“Someone help me find my parents!” I repeat over and over.

But no matter how loud I cry out, no one hears me. Everyone is so caught up in their own business. I feel indiscernible. I feel useless. I feel so small and tiny. Person after person walks by me. I know that they can hear my cries for help, but yet, they ignore me. Why won’t anyone help me? Here I am lost. Here I am with the oozy feeling in my stomach. Here I am asking for help. I want to cry. I can feel the cold waters in my eyes, ready to burst out onto my cheeks. But I fight them. No help comes.

I wonder through the large airport with a clueless and desperate look on my face. I take small, cautious steps. My legs are shaking too much to take long proper steps. I keep my eyes wide open for my parents. I weave back and forth through all of the travelers, with my sweaty palms. Everything feels faster. It feels as if someone has pushed the fast motion button. I don’t like the feeling. I don’t like it that I’m fighting my tears. I don’t like it that my stomach feels funny. I don’t like the fact that I am lost.

Soon enough, this intoxicating rush of fear rushes over me. I soon realize that I am really lost. I soon realize that I will never see my parents again. I start to panic. I start to take short gasps for air, trying to calm down my inevitable trepidation. I just want to collapse and roll into a tight ball, and wish that all of the noise and the fear will wane. But as fast as that feeling seeped into me, it is gone even faster. A hand touches my small, skinny shoulders. Then, a familiar voice is heard.

“Don’t worry. You’re safe.”

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This article has 13 comments.

on Oct. 17 2012 at 10:20 am
NoMercy666 BRONZE, Goose Creek, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It aint no sin to be glad you're alive." -Springsteen

The characters fear in the very beginning isn't needed, why were they scared so suddenly? It's just not realistic. Also, every point your story made was that your character was afraid and it didn't make for a very interesting piece, you should try avoiding juststating that your character was scared adnd lost, but instead try to show it. You should also try focusing more on the actual conflict at hand and the characters surroundings. Saying "I wander through a large airport with a clueless and desperate look on my face," is not a good way to express your characters feelings and surroundings. Overall, I just didn't like it.

on Feb. 20 2011 at 9:40 am
inksplatters21 SILVER, Mason, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Character is how you live when no one is watching."

I think everyone can identify with this feeling, but not everyone can describe it as eloquently as you!  Good work!


PS  Would people mind looking at some of my stuff?  THANK YOU!

on Sep. 18 2010 at 2:17 pm
DifferentTeen PLATINUM, Seaford, Delaware
32 articles 2 photos 329 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There’s no such thing as true love, just spurts of insanity—falling over and over again, thinking that won’t happen to me"

You do an awesome job at describing that lost feeling, the mini heart attack you get when you can't find the person you were just with 2 minutes ago! Great job! Could you check out some of my work, I really need it. Thanks!

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 18 2010 at 7:59 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 606 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The good:  I loved how you made about five minutes (if that) of terror expand into a lifetime.  I really conveyed the emotions well, and the writing was really good!  Keep up the good work!

The Bad: "I take small, cautious steps.  My legs are shaking too much to take long, proper steps."  This sounds sort of repetitive - you might want to change a word or two or the format of one sentence.

The Random:  Will you check out some of my work? Thanks!


on Sep. 29 2009 at 4:32 pm
JerseyLiar9 GOLD, Warrenton, Virginia
16 articles 5 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You've got to learn to move on, because life will move on. If you don't move on, you'll just end up in over your head."

"Never regret anything because at the time, it was exactly what you wanted."

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

Wow, this is an excellent example of expanded moment. I really felt like what that guy was going through.

I have anxiety (disorder) and those are often thoughts rushing through my head when my little brother gets out of my sight or I come home and no one is there. GREAT JOB!

tor10jax GOLD said...
on Aug. 30 2009 at 3:26 am
tor10jax GOLD, Livingston, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 143 comments
You did a good job grabbing the reader and showing how the naarator felt. I'd take away some of the telling ("No help comes", "I don't like the fact that I am lost",...). A few times I felt like it was getting too repepetitive because the writing was painting the same picture over and over again. And, in the last paragraph it says "this intoxicating rush of fear rushes over me" but it seems to me that the naarator was already in that state. (Sorry for so much criticism, I was giving what I would've wanted.) All in all, it was good.

Keep writing!

boltbabe said...
on Aug. 9 2009 at 3:47 am
It really grabs the reader. The use of language is awesome!

on Aug. 5 2009 at 3:48 am
BlindSamurai GOLD, Bridgewater, New Jersey
11 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.
-Malcolm X

Really well-written narrative here, your language and detail was perfect and the portrayal of panic and fear definitely sunk in. This really hooked me, well done!

amyxu said...
on Aug. 2 2009 at 2:25 am
Hey I liked the story! It's actually more like a vignette. Coolness. There was one spot that could use a little work, in my opinion. In the fifth paragraph, the passage "But I fight them. No help comes" seems out of place. I think the overall sense of "lost" would come across better if you took those sentences out, because then it leaves the reader dangling, unsure of how the main character's going to respond to his anxiety. Anyway, I really liked it. Keep writing!

on Aug. 1 2009 at 6:28 pm
michaela BRONZE, Green Cove Springs, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 15 comments
You use the perfect words to grasp that feeling you get in your gut when you're lost in a crowded place...good job. The only negative thing I can point out is that you used the word "rush" a lot... But anyway, the piece is good, it created the same panicked feeling in me, the reader, that I think you were going for. So congrats, this is some really good writing.

on Jul. 28 2009 at 12:43 pm
camille_1441 PLATINUM, Westerville, Ohio
31 articles 0 photos 48 comments
I really Love this piece! it's perfect in the way it describes that feeling of being lost. haha i still get that feeling and I'm about to turn 16 years old, I nearly had a panic attack in target the other day when I couldn't find my mommy! Anyway... I truely love this piece, it's real and you can visualize it, perfect job =)

Bridie ELITE said...
on Jul. 27 2009 at 1:57 am
Bridie ELITE, Massapequa, New York
109 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
She can because she thinks she can.

That is so sweet! I really liked it alot! Very nice job.

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Jul. 19 2009 at 3:06 am
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

i really liked it! i thought you did a good job describing the situation. keep it up!