Intrusive Thoughts | Teen Ink

Intrusive Thoughts

July 1, 2022
By yumi SILVER, Thousand Oaks, California
yumi SILVER, Thousand Oaks, California
7 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The living world is a dream. The nocturnal dream is reality.” -Rampo Edogawa

TW: death, suicide

I stood two feet away from the edge of a building, the harsh wind grabbing the edges of my baggy sweatshirt and threatening to drag me down. I shivered, my hands clenched as my nails dug into my palms. My hair whipped around my face as my blue eyes reflected the hopelessness etched into my body. I was terrified.

A girl stood next to me, her dull eyes piercing into my soul. She had a black parasol in her pale hand and her frail body adorned a silky black dress - too elegant for a funeral but too solemn for a party. She looked like a doll, her face small and her features perfect to a point where she looked fake. Black locks of hair framed her face and fell onto her thin shoulders.

“Are you not going to jump?” Her voice scared me. It was overwhelming yet quiet. Every word that came from her pretty lips seemed to scrape at my skin, ripping away my defenses until I was naked and vulnerable. Every word seemed to hold a heavy meaning and truth that sank in my stomach. At my happiest and at my lowest, her words followed me no matter where I was.

“I’m scared,” I muttered, my body frozen as my instincts screamed to move away from the ledge. I wanted to move. I tried my hardest. But the staring eyes of the girl burned into me, warning me not to.

“You’re pitiful. Your parents raised a coward. A disappointment. I have sympathy for them. All the money and effort they put into you was wasted.. they should’ve used it for your sister.” Her words carried no emotion yet they impacted me more than anybody else's. She held me in her grasp like a marionette doll, her fingers twisting me, breaking me slowly until I was merely a lifeless figure dangling from strings.

The sharpened nails of despair tore at my stomach, and guilt overtook my mind, shadowing over my thoughts as I closed my eyes tightly. I wanted to tear off my ears. I wanted to shut her voice out. But I couldn’t. Her words continued to claw into my ears, pounding at my eardrums, never stopping even if sobs racked my body.


“I don’t understand your hesitation. You hate yourself, don’t you? You’re not good enough to make friends. Even if you did, you would just get hurt. Betrayed. Then you’ll be back in the place you started in. Why go through the meaningless cycle of vicious pain when you can end everything right now?” Her face held no emotions of pleasure or interest, her eyes boring into my eyes.

I stood petrified as her words echoed in my mind, resounding until they became louder and louder, overpowering everything else in the world. I couldn’t think - my thoughts overwhelmed by what she had said. She walked closer, her breath cold on my bare skin as her black dress fluttered in the wind.

“You’re better off dead.”

With her last four words, I stepped forward, my weight pulling me off the building as I fell down, the wind whipping around me as the onlookers below seemed to cruelly laugh at me. A calmful peace seemed to fall over me as my thoughts were erased from my mind. It will all be over soon. Just before I closed my eyes, I caught sight of the girl’s face. She was smiling.

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