Riding in the wind

15 years, 5475 days,131400 hours, and 7884000 minutes. That's how long I have been stuck on this ranch. I live with my dad, I have all my life.

             We have big fields on our land full of corn that we pick and eat with almost every meal and sell the rest. This year though with the drought it has been a lot more difficult to be able to make food. I had suggested to my dad to go to town and sell the remaining corn but he immediately denied my offer. This was a bummer because the only reason I had told my dad was to see my mom. Ever since i can remember i have been told that my mom went to work in the town one day and just never came back

            Later that day it started raining and raining like if god was grieving over my mom with me. After a few days the skies opened up and the rain stopped. I got my horse hooked on the wagon and followed my dad to the field. When I was with my horse she would not stop moving so I hit her  and my dad turned to me furious. He has always told me that when a person dies they return back into life as a horse. I always thought this was silly because everyone goes to heaven. We get to the field and the irrigation systems are full of water and my dad is so happy that he gets off the horse and starts splashing around in the water. As I wait for my dad I look down the road and just imagine my mom at the entrance of the town waiting for me. As if my horse read my mind it starts galloping down the road like a beast looking for revenge from someone at the end. We get 2 miles down the road and my dad comes following like a cheetah chasing its prey. He tells us to stop because we won't find what we want at the end. I look at him confused and ask what he means. He tells me “ if you are looking for your mom you  won't find her alive” i stay silent then he says “follow me home i'll tell you there”.

            On the way home I felt as lonely as if I was the only star left in the universe and I was dimming down.

           We walk in and as my dad starts his story he sheds a tear” we used to not have much son me and you mom had a small house with 2 horses. Once you were born we needed money to be able to afford you. So we sold your mothers horse to a family in the town called los cantu. They gave us 1,000 dollars then would pay the rest over the months. A year passed and the 1,000 ran out and we had not got a payment. We all go to the town one night to look for them and ask for the money. I go into the bar and Rogelio cantu and his 4 brothers are drinking. I confront them and Rogelio is acting ignorant. He kept saying he had no idea who I was and that he has never owned a horse. One thing led to another and they tried to throw me out. As I was walking out of anger and frustration I turned and shot Rogelio and his brother junior . His brothers run out of the bar “ 

           “ They killed mom didn't they” i interrupted, ignoring my question he continues “i go up to the dead body and  get 2,500 off both guys as i walk out i hear you crying when i turn you are full of blood and your mother is laying dead in a pool of blood next to you”

          “ Yes son they killed your mother”

           “IT'S ALL OUR FAULT IF YOU KNEW THEY HAD GUNS WHY DIDN'T YOU FOLLOW THEM “ i say “i was worried about the money son i didn't think they would try anything; please don't make it worse son i beat myself up about that every day:”

          After a moment of pure silence my father says again “That night you cried all the way home until when we left the town  I heard a little newborn horse that looked just like your mom's old horse. As soon as it layed in your lap you were overwhelmed with joy. Every since that day she has protected you and stayed by your side just like your mom used to”

        Once he stayed quiet I felt the most mix of emotions I had never felt before. I walk outside, give her a hug and tell her how much I miss and love her. My dad comes out following me “ son once i die go to the town live your life with your future family , but don't ever tell them who your father is what ranch you are from.”

      Ever since my dad told me those words I have been seeking revenge but for now I have to wait. It took a lot of time and growing to come at peace with the idea of being able to help my mom but being too small. Over time becoming a father and having a family helped me grow. One day my son woke me and his mom up crying that grandpa is not breathing.

     The night of his funeral I go to the town bar for a drink and see 3 old men drinking. I invite them to a beer and ask for their name. They say “ los cantu”. After a beer I tell them I have to go and as I get to the door I turn around and seeking  the revenge I had been waiting so long for. Leaving the town I hear crying. I turn around and it's a beautiful little horse just like my dad's old horse. In his eyes I see a brave strong man but also fear and pain of losing someone. Just like my fathers eyes